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Let me tell ya a story
Posted on Tuesday, July 21 2009 @ 01:25:07 Eastern

   It all started on my younger brother's birthday.

   We were going paintballing out here at a place called Fran-Bar Park. Nice place. Big fields for paintball, and a big fishing pond. And some place called the Haunted Hoochie that had warning signs out front saying physical and psychological damage were bound to take place upon entering, and small children and expecting mothers would most likely die. But I don't think it said anything about people with heart conditions, so it must not have been that bad.

   So, we got to play with some serious paintball enthusiests. Guys wearing full camo and wielding some fully automatic peashooters, you know. 'Course my little stepbrother played too, but he didn't get hit as much as I expected/wanted him to, surprisingly. And all we had were some Tippmann 98's with shin pads, vests, and socks stuffed into our undies...and like magic they seemed to redirect incoming balls to our flabby, unprotected regions.

   It was fun, though. In the end it was me up against two of them buggers. I snuck up behind one of them all asthmatic ninja-like and called him dead. I was surprised he never heard me, but sure 'nuff he was like "How long were you following me?" and I was panting like a dog "A loooong time." Then came the good part. The last dude and I spotted each other from behind cover, but he wasn't in a good spot so he started running and shooting at me and I was ducking and shooting at him. I guess he was trying to get to a good spot so he could try to shoot my legs through the tube I was behing, but I finally got him by moving a little to the side and shooting him through some tall grass. Yup, pretty epic.

   But that's not were it ends. My sister and stepmom were fishing the whole time, and when we went back to join them, my dad hooked a snake and I was catching frogs with my stepbrother, which we took home. But then after the big one got out of its cage and started jumping around the house scaring the crap out of my stepmom (wish I had a video camera,) we decided to release them at a lake the next day.

   Now I had the choice of going to the store with my dad, or going to set the frogs free. Tough decision (not). We set them loose off a dock, and then the people fishing next to us caught a freaking turtle.

   ............I like turtles.

   So everyone's freaking out, and they were going just cut the line and leave this poor turtle with a hook in his mouth. Then, with the thunderous boom of my heroic voice, I step in and say "Do you guys have some pliers?" As luck would have it, they brought some forceps. Perfect.

   It was a long struggle. The hook was stuck in the space under the turtle's tounge, and I felt his pain every step of the way. My stepmom said it felt like forever...might have been 3 minutes, but for the turtle, it must have been. As someone throws out the idea of cutting the line again, the hook slips out and Mr. Turtle is so happy he comes out of his shell.

   I saved a turtle.

   So, winning paintball + catching frogs + freaked-out stepmom + releasing frogs = heart-touching moment with a turtle. Go out there and experience life, my friend.

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