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CGE: Gorf on GBA
Posted on Sunday, August 8 2010 @ 00:03:38 Eastern

I was able to attend the Classic Gaming Expo in Las Vegas this year, and while I wasn't there in any "official" capacity I was able to play some new stuff, mingle with some interesting people and buy some brand new stuff.  And nothing - NOTHING - is more amazing to me than home-brew games.  Not just the indie-awesome that finds life on modern systems, but that some programmers have so much love that they decide to make all-new material for a system that hasn't had an "official" release in decades.

Occasionally, they revive a game or series that hasn't seen love in such a time, and they find a way to share it (with its history) in a package for the community.  Enter Good Deal Games and Jess Creations, those beautiful beautiful entities.

Gorf is a game that only saw a "true" incarnation in the arcade.  It was ported to other platforms surely enough, but it always lacked a level or two due to copyright problems.  Which is why I'm thankful for a home-brew community: this is the only way to play Gorf in its truest form.  The direct arcade version of it is here and confined to a GBA cartridge, ready for anything.

For the uninitiated, Gorf is made up for five stages: first comes Astro Battles (basically, Space Invaders with the Gorf dropping them to the screen), Laser attack (with a couple handfuls of enemies, two with lasers that can limit your movement if caught between them), Galaxians (which is the predecessor to Galaga), Space Warp (where a single enemies flies from center-screen and fires at you until all have been released) and Flagship (where you fight a single ship, trying to destroy its core).

Since each round is different, it takes some work to really get into the swing of the game... which might be why some people are turned off.  To me, it's interesting to have a game be so unique level to level, unique to the point that maintaining a kind of rhythm is really difficult.  This is the kind of classic game that makes a champion, boys and girls (well, that or an angry player ready to chuck their system).  So many enemies, each with a different movement and firing pattern - even from stage to stage - keeps the challenge high and one of the best "high score" games of all time.

On top of the sheer difficulty of the straight-up arcade port, a Matrix of challenges gives a player something to shoot for.  In this case, it's history.  Every challenge completed unlocks a new piece of art that helps unveil the history of Gorf, with shots of promotional posters, box art for home versions, even a picture of the cocktail cabinet.  It's fairly bare-bones on that front, but the pictures are as good a quality as the GBA can handle.  Not much of a detail machine, but it gets the job done well enough.

Being a classic game lover/nerd, and this not being an official release, I'm not going to give it any kind of a grade.  But as far as old-school gaming goes, it's about as nice and collected as you're likely to find.  CGE only had a handful of copies for collecting purposes, but it appears as though it's available for download.  You can click here to download it for yourself.  Now, excuse me, but I think that tinny voice is calling me a pansy again, gotta shoot the little bastard.


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Fanboyism Just Won't Die
Posted on Sunday, February 14 2010 @ 14:39:45 Eastern

Follow the link to see them all (this one here, BTW) to see ALL of the craziness, but this is one of the most mind-boggling online comments I've ever, ever seen.  In an article about the top 25 best-selling PS2 games of all time, one commented that all of the best games are now on the 360, saying "How things change, now all these games are best played on the Xbox 360 , with extra content , better textures,framerate and playability."

That's not the bash I'm talking about.  Someone commented to THAT person, and said this whole shpeil:


"LOL, your parents must have beaten you as a child, the 360 has worse graphics than the N64. Uncharted 2 wins GOTY while the crap that comes out on the 360 doesn't even get a mention because the graphics are so bad they turn all 360 owners into homosexuals.

Only retards with no friends play on Xbox LIVE with all the pedophiles. Real gamers play real games and real games can only be found on the PS3.

It's no wonder that no 360 has ever or will ever match Gran Turismo 3's 15 million - 360 games aren't worth buying and sales prove that. Halo 3 sold a pathetic 10 million - LOL, GT 3 did that on pre - orders alone.

Why do 360 games not sell? Oh that's right, inbred morons like yourself can't afford games so you just talk about them on the Inernet all day."


... WOW.

To sum up, the 360 (as a whole) is flooded with games that are uglier than the N64, everyone who owns one is an inbred moron, XBL is full of pedophiles, there are no "real" games for "real" gamers, and Halo 3 only sold a "pathetic" 10 million copies.  Does that sound about right?

Oh, and that graphics can be so bad that they can change a person's sexual orientation.  Which, in and of itself, is actually quite impressive if you really think about it.

When will this fanboy crap end?  I can understand when systems had exclusive games, like the SNES vs. Genesis and PSOne vs. Saturn vs. N64 fights (and remember, the N64's games are prettier than 360 titles... OMGWTFBBQ!), but at this point in time there are so many multi-platform games that it's not really worth the trouble.  If I can play a "real" game (let's say Mirror's Edge for the sake of this writing) on either console, and the only serious difference is the controller itself (and they're not even THAT different anymore), then why cling to the namesake?  Can one really love a name THAT much?

I honestly hope it doesn't go away, just so I can read stuff like that poster's comment... and laugh THIS hard.  Really?  The game is so not-pretty that it's making me more attracted to others of my gender?  Why isn't THAT in a study somewhere?

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Ready to Review the WSOP
Posted on Thursday, May 21 2009 @ 18:58:34 Eastern

So I'm taking a short hiatus from reviewing - for anyone who might be interested - in order to go and hit a BIG game: The World Series of Poker!

This is my first time going to the event, and hopefully I'll actually be able to play (I don't have the full buy-in yet, hopefully I'll earn enough at a few of the games around town that I'll be able to pay directly), but at the very least I'll be able to visit and loiter around the Rio for a few days of the competition.  I'm looking to play a lot of hands, plenty of players, and who knows, maybe I'll find myself at either a big game or the final table.

I'll be updating along my trip, if you want to keep up on my progress.  My Twitter handle is @LostTokens, so don't be afraid to drop  me a quick message if you're interested.  If anyone from GR is going, or will be in Vegas from May 28th until June 1st (I'm flying out the 2nd) and would like to grab a bite, drop me a line and we'll see what we can do!

Hope to see you at the tables!

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