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Dissection of a Video Gamer
Posted on Saturday, March 21 2009 @ 18:31:59 Eastern

The video gamer is an elusive creature, found often in the darkness of a basement, and subsists mostly on pizza and other cheese products. Stereotyping aside, the shiny, playful allure of video games has attracted quite a few customers. And while everyone is unique, of course they can be easily clumped into groupings, just as long as I use a whole bunch more stereotyping.

Note before we start that much of these groups will never 100% apply. If you find that you do in fact are 100% like my example, please hurl yourself out of the nearest window. We don’t want your kind ‘round here.

So where should we start? Trick question, you never had a say in the first place. Why? Because this is in a written format, and therefore uninteractive. Games in general tend to be the only interactive thing that can still retain a point, unlike movies, books and music. Anyone with eyes can watch a movie, anyone who can read can read a book, and anyone who can hear can listen to music. Not anyone can play video games. With that, let us introduce our first group, The “Casuals”. Members of the casual group tend to view videogames in the same light as the aforementioned media, in that anyone can do it. This is fueled for the most part by the games that they play, Guitar Hero, Peggle, and anything Nintendo, all challengingly simple games (before you get all whiney about the Nintendo joke, remember that it is a joke. I really wish that I didn’t have to put this here, but I know some people won’t get it). There is little actual interaction to the games, besides doing the continued “doing what the game tells you” for each and every level. For the most part, if you can be scored while you do it, it is borderline casual. Except for the games that aren’t.

Casual gamers aren’t really all that bad, they just aren’t that good. Since there are more of them than anyone else, they spend the most money. This causes the development to shift in their favor, which leaves people like me a bit more in the dark.

The “Hardcore” gamers are the next group. Unlike the casuals, the Hardcores split into three different sub-groups, the Elites, the Pros, and the general Hardcores. The Hardcores tend to not leave the group of games that they are comfortable with. If they are good at racing games, that’s all they play, if they are good at shooters, that’s all they play, etc. You can usually tell when you are playing against Hardcores online. Hardcores tend to only care about winning their little games. So if you are like me, and will occasionally stop caring, you may find yourself booted from one of their games, or more likely, cussed at. In case you haven’t figured it out, 13 year olds on Xbox LIVE definitely apply to the general hardcore group. Other telltale signs of being in the hardcore group include taking games too seriously, unsportsmanlike conduct, and thinking that games in their specific preference, like Halo, COD, and other shooters for example, are TEH BEST GAMEZ EVAR!!!!!1 The Pro subgroup differs, because they have some shred of sportsmanship, but still take things waaay to seriously. The Elite subgroup applies perfectly, but in a different way. The Elites are the people who seem to think that everyone should have to go through the same pain and masochism that they had when they were learning to play games back in 1989. To them, games are serious business, with no fun allowed. The easiest way to identify members of this group are the ones who go at length to describe why PC gaming will always be better than console gaming, even though no one makes good PC games anymore, whine about how Bioshock was just an easy version of System Shock 2, and hate games that have more story than gameplay. Well, you could say that that last one applies to the whole Hardcore group, but to the Elites the most. Any game where you can’t kill everyone is a no go. A notable Elite would be Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation fame.

Finally, we have our easiest to describe group, people who actually enjoy videogames. These are the people who will play just about anything, like a broad spectrum of games, and play for fun and enjoyment. Simple, right? Right. So I don’t need to say anything else. And I do hope that you find yourself to truly be a member of this group.

Well, that about wraps it up. I do hope you learned a little something here today. And if you want to tell me any opinions on this, tell me how retarded I am, or just have any feedback, please leave a comment. I love to know what people who aren’t me think about my stuff. Alright, class dismissed.

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