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Take Down Tethyr! [Random WoW Quests]
Posted on Thursday, November 6 2008 @ 15:28:58 Eastern

Due to the success of my 'How To Be A WoW Zombie', I came up with this little narrative of a recent questline me and a friend completed.

Legends tell of a great sea beast that lives in Dustwallow Marsh, on the coast of Kalimdor. Many had seen this creature, with its Devil's stare, mysteriously high level and shared model with The Lurker Below, but few survived such encounters. I've had an obsession with large beasts of the deep for quite a while so armed with a ferocious attitude and an adventuring buddy I set out to try and catch a glimpse of the mighty monster.



I began my epic journey in Menethil. Deor - my Paladin friend - was busy in some remote location and had agreed to meet me in Theramore, so I simply flew up to the Wetlands and spent a few minutes waiting at the southern dock for my transport to arrive. It was a long but pleasant journey over the high seas.



It was dusk by the time I arrived in port and I had to wait a few minutes before my friend arrived. In the meantime, I was harassed by some deserters of the town's navy but managed to find the shift's guard captain, who offered some vague advice about what we were looking for.



She told me to head over to the lighthouse and talk to the hilariously-named Babs Fizzletorque about getting the light back in working order. Now, its beyond me why Dustwallow Marsh requires a lighthouse to aid shipping, as there's no rocks in the water nearby. Moreover, why is Babs the only Gnome in the port? A conspiracy, I say!



Once at the lighthouse, the Gnome told me that they needed oil to get the beacon at the top of the tower working again! Well never! Now, you'd think that being part of one of the most technologically advanced races in Azeroth would mean that Babs had instant access to such basic engineering materials and would merely send me to pick them up, but no! Instead, she sent me under the bay to kill mini sea monsters and gain their oil. Threshers don't even use oil in their attacks!



Bah, whatever. After getting my delicate dress tunic obscenely wet, I gave the required oil to Babs, who merely assured me she'd put it to good use. Well cheers lovey, but I expect to see results now! anyway, as a 'reward' she gave me and my companion a copy of an old book she'd found up in the tower. Well, two copies really, since we were both on the quest. It was called 'Dastardly Denizens of the Deep' and made some reference to Tethyr. I skimmed through the pages before shoving it in the face of 'Dirty' Michael Crowe.



'Iya Mikey! Why do they call you 'Dirty'? What, its only because you deal in fish!? You mean its not got anything to do with touching children?! No, I don't want to go see Nat Pagle. Yes I believe in Tethyr. I believe! PUT THAT HADDOCK AWAY!



So, the crazy fish trader sent us to find the legendary fisherman Nat Pagle, who resided on the set of small islands south of Theramore. I tell you, being out there for so long must have made him go a bit crazy. Next thing me and Deor knew, he was smothering us in fish paste and sending us over to a nearby shipwreck.



Once there, some arsehole shark attacked us both and I went back to Nat to complain. As it turns out, this had been his intentional all along. I didn't appreciate being the tester for his new bait, but he gave us some cheap beer and confirmed the stories of Tethyr. As it happens, the reason why they shut down the lighthouse was because the monster was fond of bright lights. What is this, a Matchbox Twenty song!?



'C'mon Deor, let's swim back to Theramore and kill Tethyr!'
'Can't we Hearthstone and then get the portal to Darnassus and then fly back!?'
'...You're so lazy.'



A few hours minutes later we were back on the docks of Theramore, talking to Major Millis about bringing the beast to bare. For no apparent reason, the bloke agreed and the lighthouse was magically switched on.



It suddenly got awfully dark and a few marksmen appeared on the pier. Apparently the monster was approaching, yikes!



Look out Billy! We've caught ourselves a big 'un!



It wasn't long before Tethyr was blowing the archers off of the docks. I had to move quickly and Deor suggested we make use of the mortars that had been set up around the area. I was about to pull the whole 'Health and Safety first!' rant on him, but the cheeky bugger was already firing at the monster!



Just as well, too; check out the size of that water beam! The next few minutes passed in a flash, but I do recall the over-use of the phrase 'FIRE IN THE HOLE!' and similar expressions. Since me and Deor were working at the same time using extremely over-powered characters, it wasn't long before Tethyr went belly-up. Quite a shame, really; I could get Catch of the Day with that thing!



Fireworks and clear skies for all! Wait, what!? Why are you giving me greens as a quest reward!? There's no plate, either?! GARRRRRGH!
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