More Reviews
REVIEWS Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D Review
Gamers have gone bananas for Nintendo's 3DS, but can this port of Retro Studios' 2010 Wii game make the jump to your portable?

Pandora's Tower Review
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but swords and chains excite me. Should you climb the towers in Xseed's JRPG/adventure hybrid to save your cursed (and tragically whiny) girlfriend?
More Previews
PREVIEWS The Mighty Quest for Epic Loot Preview
Ah, the joys of destroying your friend's castle and the pains of your friend destroying yours. Alas, such is friendship.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES Metro: Last Light
Release date: Out Now

GRiD 2
Release date: 05/28/13

Fuse
Release date: 05/28/13

The Last of Us
Release date: 06/14/13


LATEST FEATURES GR Showdown: Are There Way Too Many Remakes And Reboots?
Gamers continually complain about the lack of innovation from publishers and developers, but in this tough economy, it would seem that sequels and remakes are their bread and butter. Are there not enough new IPs?

Tips For Surviving Metro: Last Light's Mutants And Men
On higher difficulties, 4A Games forces players to utilize stealth and combat planning, but with these tips and the right tools, you'll make short work of the opposition.
MOST POPULAR FEATURES Sanctum 2: Exclusive Developer Diary
Designer for Coffee Stain Studios, Armin Ibrisagic, reveals and expands upon their much improved story for the upcoming Sanctum 2.
 
Coming Soon

LEADERBOARD
Read More Member Blogs
FEATURED VOXPOP nick_olsen
Welcome home, Mario; we’ve missed you!
By nick_olsen
Posted on 05/13/13
[ Editor's Note: As Nick Olsen is a writer for Theory of Gaming, this won't be counted in the monthly Vox Pop prize. However, it is very much a worthy read. ] By Nick Olsen Co-founder, Theory of Gaming In 1985 Nintendo started a revolution when it...

MEMBER BLOG

Squiggy Squiggy's Blog
PROFILE
Average Blog Rating:
[ Back to All Posts ]
A greatest threat never known
Posted on Tuesday, November 27 2007 @ 01:07:57 Eastern

For many years past and present, a terrible force has been lurking. Hiding within the cold confines of the Earth's polar ends. Yet no one has ever suspected it. No one has ever considered it. But this makes this threat all the more to be feared.

This threat to our society is none other than the greatest, most powerful communist leader on the face of the planet. His name... is Santa Claus.
Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Saint Nicholas, whatever you want to call them, they are all one, and the same.

"But he is Santa Claus," you exclaim in defiance, "he stands for all that is good!"
Nay, reader, Claus stands for all that is equal. Please, if you will, allow me to explain.

To begin, Claus wears a garb of crimson. Red, the color most affiliated with communist government. The Soviet flag was red. The Khmer Rouge wore red. And then there are the Red Scares of the 1920's and the 1950's.

He lives in the farthest reaches of the North Pole, within the Arctic Circle. There, he can operate unchallenged, as few are willing to reach an area so uninhabitable, and even still, no one can find him there.

His very domain is ruled by his communist ideal. His labor-worker elves receive everything in equal. Equal pay and equal property, equal housing, equal everything. And even right under your nose, Claus teaches this blood-red 'ideal' to your children. Those who are good little boys and girls, he brings them gifts in exchange for their servitude in the form of good behavior, those who are naughty, are punished with a black lump of coal.
"But then why do some kids receive more, and better, presents?" you may ask.
If you would, look back to the book Animal Farm, where "Some are more equal than others."

For that, this man can even be compared to the infamous Big Brother, from the novel 1984, by George Orwell. Everyone is kept in their place, those who are different are punished, and 'cured', put on the dreaded Naughty List, under his ever watchful eye.

Claus even goes so far as to not only teach his communism to our children, but he also controls their mind, exploiting toy and game makers' popular works. He even stepped forward and kept the children in place with a game as rotten as Pokémon, which I have also covered in months past.

Now you know this threat to our children, and to our society as a whole. This man must be stopped. And always remember:

He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good... for goodness' sake.

Comments
  • thetank
    thetank

    Joined: Jul 2006
    Posted: Jan 5th, 2008 at 7:56 am
    By god, you're right! Seeing as he can't possibly be stopped, being the manifestation of the cheer of the planet during December, we may as well submit to his yoke, and pray that the jackboots he wears while he tramps upon our unclothed backs are spike free. I've also thought, that if everyone on the planet were to be bad, then everyone would receive coal on Christmas, thus completely solving the energy crisis. The emission crisis that would follow can be fixed later. Hail, Fuhrer Klaus?

Post a Comment
LOGIN or REGISTER to post a comment or rate this article.
 
More On GameRevolution