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Posted on Tuesday, September 6 2011 @ 20:12:30 PST

So, the day has finally come! You're going to meet your WoW gf IRL!!! (if you can't follow the acronyms, you probably won't get most of the humor in this blog.. silly nUbs)
 
Remember, slow the F*** down! Try not to get too excited, the same rules apply to people that apply to NPC's.  
There's usually an aggro range, so if you go rushing in too quickly without proper support or spells - you're toast.
But of course you already knew that, right?  Also, you don't want to take too long to make your move, because someone will swoop in after you've put in all that work, make the quick kill, and steal your booty! Lets not forget that you've been putting off this meeting for sometime now - I mean pro arm wrestling, cage fighter, X-games, mountain climbing, washing your neckbeard, or whatever excuse you used to put this meeting off can't be used twice. 
 
So - You've picked out a location (probably something very public for HER safety), you've texted (hopefully no emoticons), and you've even exchanged Facebook friend requests (for the love of god man wait for her to request you!).  With all that done - THE DAY IS HERE mY Man!   But Again, follow Douglas Adams' advice - DON'T PANIC! After all, you're a lvl 79 Shadow Warrior - F***ing ACT LIKE IT!  Oh yea, leave the picture you printed out of her avatar or the one you lurked to find from her friend's Facebook in the car please -
trust me, she WONT think its cute. 
  • Now, before I tell you how to proceed I need to ask a series of questions:
  • -Have you ever had a gf? (yes - 2pts, no - 1 pts, define gf - 0 pts)
  • -Have you ever kissed a girl? (Tongue - 3 pts, lips - 2 pts, cheek - 1 pts, define kiss - 0 pts)
  • -How long is your hair?  (close crop - 2 pts, shaggy - 1 pts, head or facial hair? - 0 pts)
  • -Who proposed the meeting? (It just came up - 2 pts, She did - 1 pts, Me - 0 pts)
  • -Has she seen your picture? (She freind requested me! - 3 pts, yes - 2 pts, no - 1 pt, we've only talked in game - 0pts)
  • -Has she spoken with you about previous or current guys in her life? ( No - 2 pts, In passing - ehhh .5pts, yes but I-- -15pts)
  • -How old are you? ( >13 - [just make sure your mom stays in the car], 14 - 18: 2 pts, 19 - 22: 0 pts, 23< [You're doomed])
  •  
  • 0 - 4 pts, don't even go - she's probably going to stand you up.
  • 5 - 8 pts, Odds are shes going to show up with a friend (even if she said she wouldn't), so just try to increase your chances 
  • for a 2nd date
  • 9 - 12 pts, good - not entirely a novice, but still require some guidance.
  • 12 + pts - You don't need to read my advice, you've got this.
  •  
 
BRING MONEY!!! Even if she says you'll only be walking around or talking or blah blah blah - have cash $$, tell your Nan you'll pay her back (or if you stole from her - do a good deed. you're a gamer, I don't have to tell you about Karma). uh-oh, you see her.. fight the urge to go frolicking over, and play it cool (maybe a smile or a wave - but NOTHING TOO BIG!).
 
Give her something like, "oh hey wassup" instead of "OMG HI!".  When you finally reach her - hug her, i know it seems awkward but just do it - even if she reaches her hand out - go in for the hug (and not the ass out safe hug, GET IN THERE!) it may be the only alpha thing you get to do tonight. Unless she calls you out on the millions of things you lied about online.
 
Which brings me to my next topic - conversation.  Have an excuse not to do or talk about anything you mentioned to her earlier. be creative.  Got a scar? Come with a story for it. You arrive on public transport? Its cool cuz, You're letting a buddy use your car to drive to Oregon to pick up some dank and hes giving you a bomb price. Basically, you've got the template for conversation if you've SOMEHOW convinced her meeting up with you was a GOOD idea. Don't blow it, AND ESPECIALLY DONT TELL THE TRUTH - lying is what got you here.
 
If you guys DO stop for food, you'll be thankful you brought money - but don't offer to pay. I know you're trying to 
be a gentlemen, but F*** THAT $H**, i don't have a real reason for not buying her food other than true equality. Oh yea - no charm spells aka roofies! you've made it this far without them - also leave them in the car). Anyway I would advise against eating, I know you might be hungry - but your basement dwelling eating habits are a little off-putting [trust me]. Perfect date would be at an arcade, but you're an idiot and you come to GR for dating advice so I'm assuming you're making every mistake in the book. 
 
After the "date" - ignore her! TRUST ME IT WORKS!  If you start telling her that you've been dreaming about her since you guys met, or that you cant wait to see her again shes going to be jumping on some other Warlocks channeling staff. So, fight that itch to play Wow for just 4-5 days, c'mon man you can do it!!!  A potential gf is on the line here!  Ignore her calls, texts, and messages - and if she catches you online in a chat window - LOG OFF QUICK! Seriously, you can't be online and mountain climbing at the same time - think man!
 
Follow these rules and let me know how it turns out - I guarantee you wont be disappoint

If all else fails, buy the chick a flower... yea, chicks love flowers.

Your Boy,
Urbz
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