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RIP Ralph Baer (1922-2014) I really, really hate writing obits. I really do. But I take it as a personal honor to be able to say good things about the men and women I respect, whether in this industry or just in my life, and Ralph Baer is the reason all of this exists in the first...

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YouTube Translated
Posted on Thursday, February 5 2009 @ 05:31:24 Eastern

YouTube is a bastion of violent retardation. While I’m sure there are well educated people who choose to visit the internet’s video central walking through the YouTube portal is kind of like experiencing a temporary lobotomy: once well meaning people forget any word larger than two syllables and form a love of truncating phrases into internet acronyms such as ‘LOL’, ‘LMFAO’ and ‘GTFO noob ****er’. In an attempt to allow you to understand the sub-culture slowly evolving there here are some translations of what I think the YouTube users were getting at in their comments. Oh, and I was going to mark the comments and translations but I hope you’ll be able to tell the difference yourself.

 

Subject: Savings at some warehouse place

who wants to watch you solve a rubiks cube they are for gay lifeless people with nothing to do. and to actually make a video of it you must be queer. ****ing spastic

 

I must question the motives of whomever should wish to partake in the puzzle cube invented by Erno Rubik. Although rewarding once beaten the difficulty involved in doing so renders the so called ‘Rubik’s Cube’ a valid pursuit for only homosexuals and zombies and even individuals belonging to these two demographics must first have no other option to pursue before resorting to playing with this toy! Given that this is the case I have no idea who would want to watch someone solve a Rubik’s Cube. That you made a video of nothing but you solving indicates you are, in fact, a homosexual. I feel that I haven’t insulted you enough already and so finish by saying you are an unfortunate sufferer of cerebral palsy but have no sympathy for you or your condition and in fact must regard you with derision.

 

Subject: Snow in London

you sad bastard its only snow for gods sake

 

My good sir, I postulate that snow is simply a variety of frozen water and therefore not very special at all and therefore you must not be of the happiest state and perhaps not even belonging to the crowd with both parents in place, a bastard if you will, for you seem to think that snow is more than what it is. If this seems ridiculous to you I shall appeal to my deity to verify my claims.

 

Subject: World’s tallest woman

yao defen must be very lucky she is 1st place at being the tallest living women. 2nd tallest women is just 1.3cm shorter then defen so she must be very lucky

 

You lucky person! I lack the ability to differentiate between the plural (women) and the singular (woman) but I know luck when I see it and being the world’s tallest (singular) woman nails my definition of lucky! To think that you are 1.3cm luckier than the next lucky lady; that’s a lot of luck, I wonder if the luckiest woman in the world has ever won the lottery?

 

Subject: Weird cartoon

GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY

 

I lament! The country known as Britain has delivered comedic gems such as Fawlty Towers and Monty Python and yet this... travesty is all that can be delivered now? Wit is an elusive beast as this cartoon so ably demonstrates and I am full of woe as I must resort to the colloquial insult of homosexuality and what’s more, it must be elongated to convey my disappointment!

 

Subject: ... I’m not quite sure

damn andy is sooo ****in hot!


I WANNA MAKE HIM JIZZZ SOMEWHERE IN ME HAHAHAHA

 

Oh my word I’m going to swoon! Andy, by which I mean Andy Samberg is a rather dashing specimen of a man if I do say so myself! Forgive my crassness but I would quite enjoy causing him to ejaculate inside me, though I’d rather not specify where! Oh my I make myself laugh. Ha ha!

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