Sex!
Posted on Monday, January 14 2008 @ 21:33:05 Eastern

Yeah I knew that would get you in. Well I didn't lie with the title... kind of. You're not going to get any breasts, there won't be any ASCII porn or links to some of the more depraved sites of the intarweb (I've asked JCD, he won't share) and, I'm ashamed to say, there will be absolutely no hummingbird sex; I'm afraid the Covert Ops lot just will not stand for that kind of security breach.

No, what this blog is about is the issue of sex in media and in particular, games. What's this spurred on by? Well by Mass Effect of course! Ah yes, the glorious 'space opera' from BioWare that has truly captured my heart. To be honest I haven't reached the sex scene yet (although I have watched a YouTube video to make sure the rest of this blog wasn't a bunch of uninformed bollocks), but when there's a sex scene in a game that could be between a woman and a WOMAN(!) you can bet that the news will spread so far that people who haven't even heard of the Xbox 360 itself will know about it. By the way Hellfire, that was a spoiler, feel free to call me an ass. Anyway, apparently there's some boobage in one of the versions but all of the versions rolled up together in the game only warranted a 12 certificate from the British Board of Film Classification so that's pretty good but the buzz surrounding this scene, which is frankly worthy of a pretty bad channel 5 late night movie (Brits will understand, at least those in a semi-decent reception area will understand), is phenomenal. We've had Singapore banning the game because of the country's 'conservative values' (this was later reversed). We've also had some other spoil sport conservatives warning parents about the evil game 'feeding porn to kids', spreading misinformation about the game featuring 'explicitly graphic sexual intercourse' and being 'marketed to minors'. Hmm, I guess they forgot to double check with a little thing I like to call The TruthTM just to make sure 'graphic sexual intercourse' is actually present and that the case doesn't feature that 12 certificate I was telling you about before. I think they forgot to mention that the game also includes an extended process of getting to know the character and actually falling for them rather than just leaping under the cover to bump uglies. Curse these terrible games for corrupting the ASBO generation! But thank Kotaku for having some sense!

The people in the conservative article linked above seem to be forgetting about the horrors and absurdities covered in what is laughably referred to as the 'news' these days. We have a President declaring war on whatever country he points to on a map that day, celebrities showing their naughty bits getting out of a car, rakes that were apparently humans before they forgot how to eat and are related to famous people proudly displaying their overexposed ribs and 'leaked' sex tapes featuring whoever feels their popularity is waning. All of this is accessible to any kid with access to magazines, newspapers or the internet, and that's without knowing the dirty words required to get to the true filth. But no, apparently the real risk is a game that's actually targeted to the more mature gamer, not because of the sex scene but because of the involvement required to actually enjoy the game.

I know it seems that I'm kind of siding with the stuffy conservative fools there by implying kids shouldn't be exposed to that stuff. In a way that is what I'm saying, obviously young children shouldn't be looking at hardcore sex and that is something that can be prevented, but they should also not be exposed to images of war, glamorised train wreck celebrities and popularised drugs yet all of this happens on the nightly news. The point here though is that we should also not be mollycoddling them and hiding a young teenager away from the real world is asking for trouble.

So where does this leave the games industry? Probably pretty much the same place it was before to be honest. Mass Effect added so much to the genre, but the genre is (the rather ridiculous term) 'space opera' or (the somewhat less ridiculous term) 'RPG' and not 'digital porn'. We've had games in the past including sex, the most notable being GTA with its sex with a prostitute (read: rocking car viewed from the outside with no movement by either character in said car) and of course its notorious hot coffee scene with its square boobs, there's been Duke Nukem with his (clothed) strippers and Tomb Raider with the unofficial, and crap, nude patch so really there's not much difference here. I, for one think it's great that game developers are pushing the boundaries without it being distasteful to anyone but the most vehement prude and relish the thought of them twisting and turning in fear of their prissy, Victorian values being overturned by the more liberal outlook of the modern world.

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Advertising
Posted on Thursday, January 10 2008 @ 08:49:41 Eastern

AOL, the infamous (and shitty) internet service provider has been going for a long time. Remember all those CDs you used to be swamped with every time you... well I don't actually know how we all came into possession of enough plastic to supplement Pamela Anderson but we did. Well anyway, it goes back further than that, back to 1989 when floppy discs roamed the earth. The eBay auction is unimportant by the way but I would like to say one thing regarding it; $4,995 for a floppy disc? He must be ****ing mad! Anyway, that just shows how long AOL has been going, and if our collective experience is anything to go by then the majority of that existence has been driven by copious amounts of shiny discs being thrown at us (not literally). So it surprised me today, when watching daytime TV like the student I am, I saw an advert from the Car Phone Warehouse (phone retailer in the UK) advertising a FREE laptop! With the purchase of an AOL broadband contract... damn. Now I'll be honest I haven't used AOL, I've never actually been with AOL myself but I have had friends who made the mistake and I have heard the horror stories. Are AOL still a bad choice? Well I don't know, but they're resorting to cheap tactics like giving away a 'free' laptop or PS3 (oh yeah, that's one of the offers) to flog their wares.

This all got me thinking of the new revolutionised advertising; you know the sort, though you've probably dismissed it as a pyramid scheme. I'm talking about those websites, sign up to something, tell a few friends, and get a free iPod/PS3/Xbox 360/iPhone/car/life. I'm not doubting that some of these are cons but many are actually giving what they're offering. They work by getting the companies you can sign up for to pay for the product. After seeing a breakdown of costs for popular methods of advertising I can say that paying for a 360 for getting at least one person and potentially up to around ten (friends of the first) to sign up for ones services is a small price to pay. Many of these companies are large, established businesses so why are they turning to this alternate form of advertising? Could it be because the consumers are getting more savvy? Well, that's why it is. The consumerist public have gotten used to adverts in their newspapers and magazines, between TV programs, on buildings, on buses, on road signs, on taxis and trains and even more on less orthodox platforms; we ignore them now. We have to be coerced into buying products not through a flashy advert but through the offer of a flashy piece of electronics. Does this herald a new age of cynicism? An evolution of advertising strategy? Well yes, but in this age of wanting something for nothing it'll have to be something pretty special to draw in the crowds.

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Intelligence
Posted on Tuesday, January 8 2008 @ 23:39:50 Eastern

Intelligence is a funny thing. Logic, common sense, IQ, power of the mind. What is it? Who is intelligent? Is intelligence the same as common sense? I don't think it is, see many people think I'm intelligent, I'm not going to say I am or I'm not but that's what people have said about me. On the flip side many people have also said I've got minimal common sense and I'd say this is true, if a little harsh. I like being seen as intelligent, even though I have no idea how it happens. I speak to someone who I've known for years and the subject of how we met will spring up, it's then when I find out that their first impressions of me were, invariably, 'funny', 'intelligent', 'stunningly handsome'. No, I made that last bit up, they don't say that... though I'm sure they think it. Hell, there's a guy on my course who I barely speak to who told me the same. The point is though what is this funny thing we call intelligence and how is it made apparent in some people but not in others? I know several people who are incredibly intelligent and we can have some very deep conversations when we're not pratting around firing paintballs at each other or polluting each other's pints at every chance like children but at first glance you wouldn't guess it.

I often think, while spell checking my work, it's my way with words that projects this vision of 'intelligence' on to others. Perhaps this could be regarded as intellectual 'fluff' though I do try to stay out of things that are out of my depth.

I don't give a damn if you think I'm intelligent or not, all I know is I know enough to get by and enough to know I know next to nothing in the grand scheme of things but I am curious, for those of you who do think I'm intelligent, why this is. And why you think anyone is intelligent, or otherwise for that matter. Hey, if you want to explain your notion of 'intelligence' itself go for it.

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Keep fit videos
Posted on Wednesday, January 2 2008 @ 16:32:46 Eastern

Wondering if it\'s the new year yet? Well aside from tripping over old Christmas decorations, standing on fallen pine needles or... checking a calendar, there\'s an easy way to find out, switch on the TV and if every other advert is some barely known...   read more...

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Set for a while
Posted on Monday, December 17 2007 @ 17:27:59 Eastern

So I just bought an HDTV. Samsung 22" with component, SCART, DVI, VGA and HDMI in, I know to many all that crap I just said probably won't mean a lot and in truth it's only the component and SCART that truly matter to me right now but HDMI could...   read more...

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Loyalty and credit cards
Posted on Sunday, December 2 2007 @ 01:11:23 Eastern

Loyalty cards, credit cards, I\'m sure you\'ve all heard of them. They\'re the little plastic things inside almost every wallet or purse on the planet, some of them have pictures on them, some have patterns, many have a chip and I\'m sure all have th...   read more...

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Why I won't be a PC gamer
Posted on Thursday, November 29 2007 @ 17:24:48 Eastern

People often ask me why I don't play games on PC... well, they don't, that was a lie but if I spent more time around PC gamers I'm sure they would ask me that. They would ask me that because I don't do it, don't get me wrong I've tried, I even played...   read more...

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A Gamer without Games
Posted on Wednesday, November 28 2007 @ 17:42:44 Eastern

I\'m sure the majority of you are aware about my Xbox 360 woes, they\'ve got more woeful. See when I sent my precious console to the repair centre on the 1st of November I figured they\'d get it, replace it, send it back. The bastards* didn\'t do tha...   read more...

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Futurama movie leaked
Posted on Tuesday, November 20 2007 @ 16:03:50 Eastern

Yep, the whole film has been leaked and is making its way across the interwebs as I type this a whole seven days before it even gets to the cinema, and it's DVD quality! I haven't seen it myself, I'm tempted to just wait until I can see it in enormo-...   read more...

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No 360 = no gaming
Posted on Friday, November 9 2007 @ 14:22:15 Eastern

So my 360 packed in late last month while playing skate. The game stalled so I turned the console off and on and figured that would be it but I got the dreaded red rings of death. The worst one, the panic that grips you at that moment is quite unlike...   read more...

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