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Posted on Thursday, September 18 2008 @ 14:01:47 Eastern
As a child, I was always interested in war. I had it in my head that since my mother was in the Air Force, as well as my father, that they had both been to war. They had me hooked on the military life style. I tried to learn about anything and everything I could. I would love to roll around in the dirt with a gun in my hands! I even took it so far as to use hand signals when we played with our super soakers!
So then I grew up a little, but only in body. I was still facinated with the military. For Christmas one year, my parents got paintball guns for me and my brothers. This sparked a new facination for me. Now I could actually shoot stuff! I had to think about the wind, the distance, the movement of my targets...etc. It was wonderful! My first real introduction into ballistics, though on a small scale. Paintballs obviously don't travel very far, but the idea is still the same. I got into camouflage, and even so far as makeshift Ghillie suits, squad orders, stealth, tactical movement...so on and so forth.
Then I took up Martial Arts. This was more for self defense and fitness than anything else, but I knew it would apply in the Military world. Every soldier needs combatives, afterall. But the whole idea of being in the Military and running around with a gun shooting down the bad guys always seemed like such a great time! I couldn't wait until I could join up and go fight!
Well, I joined up, and I'm going to fight. But suddenly I feel as though everything I knew as a child is gone. How fun can it be to roll around in the dirt, while getting shot at? How can it be fun to actually pull the trigger on somebody? To end a life in a split second. The thought never occured to me. What if I had to use my Martial Arts to defend my life? It's different when the guy just wants to break my nose. What if I have to klil somebody with my bare hands? Who can say when or where the IED will explode? How do I know if the kid has TNT strapped under his blanket? Where's the fun in watching friends get killed? The horrors of war that can bring the strongest man to tears...and I thought it would be fun?
I've got to tell ya, reader, I'm scared. War isn't some big game we like to play. I'm going to shatter somebody's family. I'm going to take away somebody's father, or brother, or son. I wish I was a better informed kid.