My experience at the Rockstar Diner: GTA V Revisitedcomments powered by Disqus
Posted on Tuesday, November 12 2013 @ 17:17:09 Eastern
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While enjoying a hot bowl of Pho, I was texted by a buddy of mine who inquired as to whether I had gotten onto GTAV Online yet. As some of you may be aware, this has been an issue of contention for me. See, when GTAV came out I ranted and raved to my friends about how great it was based on the single-player experience. Thus, it came as no surprise when my friend reached out to get a match going with me, but alas I had to decline. In pondering how best to articulate my experience with GTAV I came up with the following analogous offering:
The setup: It is a beautiful sunny day in anywhere America and after having a hell of a night it is time for some breakfast. It’s been advertised all over the news and different media forums that, Rockstar Diner has some of the best steak in town and they recently brought in a new omelet specialist straight from France. So anyone with a taste for the sublime should definitely get the Steak & Eggs special. I enter the restaurant…
Hostess: Well, hello! Welcome to Rockstar Diner. You can hava a seat wherever you like
*Hostess guides me to my table where I take a seat. She advises that my waiter will be with me shortly. Waiter approaches…
Waiter: Hello! Welcome to Rockstar Diner. Can I get you started with something to drink?
Me: Nah, water’s fine. I also know what I want to eat, though.
Waiter: Cool. What yah thinking?
Me: Can I get the Steak & Egg combo (Item 5 on the menu)?
Waiter: Sure can, how do you want your steak?
Me: Chef’s preference I hear you guys make some of the best steak in town
Waiter: Yeah, we do! And just your luck we also got a new French chef who specializes in omelets, so you are in for a treat!
Waiter: So... I take it you want an omelet with your steak?
Me: Yeah, if that’s “the goods” then let me at it,
Waiter: Perfect! I will bring it out as soon as it's ready.
Me: Thanks, man.
*About 15 minutes have passed and I can see the waiter approaching with what looks like a plate of “amazing”. He places the plate in front of me and begins…
Waiter: Hey, I just wanted to let you know the omelet is going to be a few minutes longer but we pride ourselves on our steaks and so I brought it out as soon as it was ready. Once again my apologies for the delay with the omelet, but I think you are really going to enjoy this steak and the omelet will be worth the wait
Me: No problem, man. This looks and smells great. It’s all going in the same place so just bring out the eggs when they are done. Thanks
Waiter: Oh, will do sir! Enjoy and please let me know if you need anything else. I will be back with your eggs shortly.
*I look at the plate. The steak appears perfectly cooked, the hashbrowns are crisp and buttery, while the toast isn’t burnt, just a nice golden brown. In fact, had I just ordered the steak and sides I would have been not only content but rather impressed. I sampled the sides first, so as to delay the inevitable first bite of this delicious steak in hopes that the final piece of the epicness that was this meal would be presented in time for that first bite. I started with the toast and then moved onto the hashbrowns. This was a magnificent meal, even the sides were in and of themselves impressive. As I completed the last bite of the sides, I looked around the diner in hopes of seeing my waiter with what can only be perceived at this point as the coup de grace to this masterpiece of a meal. No luck though, so I proceed into my first bite of steak... it was simply delicious. This type of deliciousness does not last on the plate long.
*35 minutes have now passed and what once was a magnificent pile of deliciousness is now nothing more than a dirty plate. I glance around looking for my waiter and catch his eye. He strolls over to the table.
Waiter: What did I tell you? Was the steak amazing?
Me: Fuck, yeah! I am no critic, but with a steak like that I just had to post a review on yelp prior to completing the meal… 5 stars man! Epic meal!
Waiter: I told you so… glad you liked it. Can I get you anything else?
Me: Well…yeah… my omelet man…
Waiter: Dude… was that not the best steak you’ve had?
Me: Yeah. I just said so...
Waiter: That’s what I am saying…
Waiter: The steak… it was great man!
Me: Okay…what the hell is wrong with you? I ordered steak…and…eggs. What about the damn eggs?
Waiter: Wasn’t that steak great, though...?
Me: I swear to God if you say one more thing about how great that damn steak is and don’t give me my eggs I am going to go Trevor up out this *****…You know who Trevor is right…right?
Random Customer 1: Hey the omelet's friggin amazing I ordered the same thing and can vouch that it is pretty damn amazing!
Random Customer 2: Yeah bro, chill out man. This omelet is amazing it just completes the meal.
Waiter: Listen sir… you ordered the steak and eggs, but that doesn’t mean you are going to get both. To be honest if we don’t bring out the items at the same time it’s considered two totally different menu items.
Waiter: Look…those folks ordered the same thing you did and got their omelet…why are you making such a big deal about it. It’s great!
Me: So I order steak & eggs. Right?
Me: So that means I am ordering both together due to the “and” correct?
Me: You brought me out a great steak. Right?
Me: But you never brought me any eggs…?
Waiter: Yeah... but.... that’s because you ordered steak and eggs AND it didn’t come out together, so after that the eggs are a separate dish and whether you get them today, tomorrow, after several patches, it’s different you know?
Random Customer 3: Dude, the eggs are great and sorry you didn’t get any but get over it. Stop whining. You heard what the waiter said… It’s separate you douche! Everybody else likes them
Random Customer 4: *whispers* I hear you, man. I ordered the same thing and I got the same bullshit response. So after a while I just kind of went with it. You know if 3 of 4 diners say it’s separate after the fact then you know... what’s the big deal?
Me: I don’t know, man. I just wanted to get what I paid for…I thought folks would be a bit more empathetic but this is seriously some twilight zone ****. Who does this and what the hell is in that omelete that has the other customers oblivious to the plight of their peers?
*Fast forward to November 6, 2013, patch 1.05 installed, yet still no damn eggs? No cloud base server working and a broken multiplayer in which I can't access my saved character (one character I think level 1 or 2, I guess a few points should be awarded for that 1 hour session I got to save a few weeks back...I have tried to get on about 15-20 times over the past 30 days 1 out of 20 aint bad right...here's 2 points)…just a bunch of folks talking about how great their omelet is while I paid the same amount and you know…never actually got what I paid for…but it’s separate…it’s different…you know
GTA V in my opinion was a great single-player experience, but also a game horrendously delivered to its users as a whole. I have no issue with the delay between the single player and multiplayer portions but when **** goes awry with the latter portion, please don’t blow smoke up my ass and ask me how about that single player. I am glad that many people eventually gained access to the multiplayer portion (some of my friends and family included), however, if on November 6, 2013 even after patch 1.05 and well over 30 days into release I still get the, “Sorry Rockstar Cloud Servers are offline would you like to continue without saving” …Epic Fail!
The opinions expressed here does not necessarily reflect the views of Game Revolution, but we believe it's worthy of being featured on our site. This article, posted originally on November 6, 2013, has been lightly edited for grammar and image inclusion. You can find more Vox Pop articles here. ~Ed. Nick Tan