Posted on Sunday, September 7 2008 @ 19:27:28 PST
Over the past year, at least, I've made a habit of shooting my mouth off about games that I not only haven't played, but my judgments are often rendered before the games are released! Now, I know a lot of people do it. Hell, it's practically become a game of its own on message boards.
So, what's all the brew-ha-ha over my tea leaf readings? I'll sum it up in one word: accuracy! Those unfamiliar with the supernatural, and my particular stranglehold on it, might scoff at this claim.
"Hah!" they'll laugh, "This guy's opinions are just the result of accrued information seen and heard around the media!" Well, scoff all you like, peons. My predictions come from the endless ether! They are imbued with a profound knowledge that defies space and time! These opinions are, always have been and always will be.
In 100 years, that's something you can take to the bank, so get on the ball. The future is.... now.
A critical favorite, the first Yakuza gave players a rare glimpse in to the warm heart of the lovable Japanese mafia. Offering gameplay ranging from smashing fat rival gangsters over the head with sandwich signs to tenderly caring for a ten year old girl, Yakuza proved that incessant use of the word "****" was all the grit a sand fed American public needed.
What of the future? What does Yakuza 2 bring to the table? Through the fog of time yet to come and places yet to be, I see the changes that don't happen. Yakuza 2 will be functionally the same game as the original Yakuza, though gameplay stability may be improved. Players will once again be treated to gameplay aptly described, by me, as "the misplaced miscarriage that would have been the child of Fighting Force and God of War."
I played a ****-ton of Dark Age of Camelot back in the day. See, there was a time before World of Warcraft. It was a time of toil and pain as hundreds of thousands of avatars ran around poorly rendered environments typing out cryptic messages to non-player characters hoping, praying that maybe one of these souless automatons would offer a quest.
Seeking to join the modern age of MMO gaming, DAoC's developer Mythic is rejoining the fray with the Warhammer franchise providing ammunition. Will this game be the usurper? Will WoW finally be unseated?
My ear against eternity, searching for answers to questions yet to be asked, I hear silence. I do not hear thousands of WoW fanboys crying out, then falling silent. I just hear nothing. Warhammer will launch and hundreds of thousands of people will purchase it and play it. A portion of them may even continue playing it after the first month.
Unfortunately, Wrath of the Lich King will be out in November, solidifying WoW's place as the Death Star to Warhammer's Alderaan. Don't worry, Mythic! You can always buy in to the false promise of quality "free" games funded by microtransactions, like the rest of the industry!
Unlike its predecessor, Fable 2 will automatically enter the market with diminished expectations. While this will help the game, it won't be entirely necessary for its image. Similarly dissimilar to the original Fable, this game will be far more open, far more free and far more "alive." Your virtual dog won't become man's new best friend, but that won't matter.
Fluid, simple to grasp combat combined with ample character customization and development will blend the appeals of God of War (I really need to find a different popular action game for comparison...) and The Sims, once again drawing women in to the RPG genre en masse.
Comparisons to The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion will abound as people argue the validity of a "living world" in general, but the co-op play will silence much of the dissent. Unfortunately, the shortcomings of the multiplayer will not win over the MMO crowd for long, but that's not much of a loss.
As an action RPG, Fable 2 will succeed in most of the places where Too Human failed, and then some.
Alas! The ether grows dark... I must drink some purified water to reconstitute myself. Until then, the future is always!