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Those Were the Days
Posted on Friday, January 4 2008 @ 06:06:21 PST

Nintendo appears, to me, to be a corporation filled with evil and malice. Sure, they treat the masses to waggle-loads of fun with the ever enticing Wii, but at what cost? $250, if you want to get literal, I guess.

Affordability aside, I already purchased a GameCube with a goofy controller once, and I don't much wish to do it again. While I had a great time with Super Smash Bros. Melee, Fzero GX and Star Wars: Rogue Leader, I can't say there was much else on the system I enjoyed. Animal Crossing had its moments, but I wouldn't say I really liked it. The only other thing I can think of is Pikmin, which I never tried thanks to my own laziness... I'll get around to it eventually.

Point being, this "quality only applies to 1st party titles" bullshit that Nintendo's been pulling for 3 consoles now just doesn't cut it.

Then there's Super Mario Galaxy. Even with all my anger toward Nintendo's business strategies, I can't guard my ears from the constant praise this game is receiving. Every day it's, "Game of the Year!" or "best Mario since Super Mario Bros. 3!" Hell yes I want to play it, but my iron will won't let me shell out 250 bones for access to one game.

The only solution to the inner turmoil all this plumber talk has stirred up within me is to beat Super Mario Bros. 1-3, and possibly Super Mario World, on their original consoles with their original controllers the way God decided it after he finished faking all the dinosaur fossils. Retro plans in hand, the only thing I have to face was favorable winds and smooth sailing, right?

If only.

After an hour of trying every trick in the NES Tinkerer's Bible, the mockery of that flashing red power light finally crushed my soul in to submission. The goombas were lucky this time, but my plans for revenge were already brewing. A little difficulty brought about by some shitty cartridge drive design wasn't enough to stop me. No, I'd find an NES that would eat my games topwise.

Things wouldn't be that easy, though. Dealing with Nintendo, they never are. The NES2, Nintendo's own top-loading 8 bit console, apparently gained the dubious "rare" title among internet auction entrepreneurs. Unfortunately for them, there was a period pre-Wii where the NES patent expired and legitimate NES knockoff production went crazy. There had always been bogus NES fakes on the market, but never in the variety one can find today. I made my way through pages of auctions and finally settled on a ~$30 white and red two-tone console made by some company called "Yobo." There were many similar options, but this one had the most "old school" aesthetic and didn't instantly invoke images of seedy swap-meet dealers.

Two days later, the fauxtendo arrived in the mail.

The Xbox 360 controller was included in the photo to illustrate how surprisingly tiny the console is. The included controller seems decent enough, but I've been using my original NES gamepad, as the good Lord would have wanted.

I couldn't play it on the box you wanted, G-slice, but hopefully you won't mind me meeting you half way.
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