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REVIEWS Little Nightmares Review
If you enjoyed Limbo or Inside, then you need to check this game out.

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II Review
Death be thy compass.
More Previews
PREVIEWS Let It Die Preview
Seems like Suda51 saw Frozen, played Dark Souls, and then got the lyrics mixed up.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES Dragon Quest Heroes II
Release date: Out Now

Little Nightmares
Release date: 04/28/17

NBA Playgrounds
Release date: 05/01/17

Release date: 05/01/17

Read More Member Blogs
Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


tom- tom-'s Blog
Jobs, Jackasses, Jabs and Jumps.
Posted on Saturday, December 29 2007 @ 04:02:31 PST

Life is a tricky thing, and by "tricky thing," I mean pain in the ass. I have no clue what I'm going to do regarding employment and education in the coming year, as I don't plan on returning to ridiculous community college and I'm somehow not getting a paycheck for sitting on my ass at home all day.

Watching this week's episode of Genshiken, I sympathized with the main characters inability to find employment in the one field that interested him. It's tough when your talents, hobbies and goals are all so closely intertwined, especially when they all involve such coveted positions in scarcely vacant companies. However, it finished off by doing what uplifting fiction should; delivering a message of hope in the face of adversity, even if it is more easily accomplished by a cartoon character than by real folks.

With that in mind, I've decided to melt the faces off each and every GR user who insists on posting inane one paragraph heaps of **** and calling them "reviews." Being broke, I don't have what it takes to stay on the cutting edge of new releases. Luckily, there's a hefty backlog of empty headed typographical feces littering this site, so I won't mind starting with some less current titles.

Because it's awesome and I got a Hori fighting stick for Christmas, I started with Virtua Fighter 5. Enjoy.

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Grand Theft My Heart
Posted on Wednesday, December 12 2007 @ 03:19:54 PST

Last Thursday's new Grand Theft Auto 4 trailer has all kinds of funny feelings spreading throughout my swimsuit area. It wasn't as stylized or flashy as the previous trailer, but it gave me a much better sense of how the game would play and illustrated its relationship to the PS2 Grand Theft Auto entries.

Nine out of ten dentists agree that this game is worth getting pumped about, but I wasn't sure if this next-gen genre bending tale of car jackery would deserve as many plaques as its predecessors. The first trailer left many jaws on the floor with its flashy graphics and far more realistic art style than what Grand Theft fans are used to. While I'm sure these changes got the average Joe six pack all hot and bothered, they were a bit off-putting for my curmudgeonly sensibilities. Grand Theft Auto wasn't about a realistic representation of city life and that's why I loved it.

Grand Theft Auto was about a lone madman rising through the ranks of urban crime society with the help of some whatever wheels he could wrangle and some artillery to boot. Even the poorly named True Crimes: Streets of LA didn't deliver a literal representation of crime in the big city, unless you're the type to buy in to their Walken-plus-demons shlock. The first Driver game delivered high stakes adrenaline pumping car chases that would make Sheriff John Bunnell cream his jeans, but it achieved this by making the police an endless swarm of telepathic *******s who would opt for violating your car's rear end for the slightest moving violation. When you're trying to do something creative in an open world, or even just screw around, you don't want an army of pissed off Professor Xaviers behind the wheel of each black and white. Getting away with your felonious deeds is half the fun, and having cops hamper the planning portion really gimps the possibilities.

That's why the first GTA4 trailer had me worried. GTA lives on the ineptitude of the police force. If you really piss them off, you're bound to have some trouble with road blocks and tanks and die hard armed troops, but you really have to put some elbow grease in to earning such disrespect. They wouldn't ship you to Guantanamo for a rolling stop, so the driving always stayed high speed, reckless and fun beyond all belief.

While everyone's wringing their hands over the indoor environments and gun-paly mechanics, I've chosen to keep my eyes on what's made the 3D third-person GTA games so great; the autos.

This most recent trailer has set my mind at ease. The colors are more saturated, the characters almost painted to life, the animations grandiose and miles over the top and everyone has at least a slice of caricature in their makeup.

There is no longer a doubt in my mind that this game will rule. I just hope the flame-bait issues like gun aiming and story quality are sorted out well enough to shut the gingivitis riddled mouths of all those jaded cynic *******s crowding message boards far and wide.

Here's to hoping that turf war **** doesn't make a comeback...

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Outlander 2: The Quickening
Posted on Friday, November 30 2007 @ 00:45:51 PST

Wasting time is a craft I've perfected over two long, uneventful decades. This masterful disregard for time, life and how little of both I have left isn't enough to keep me away from the all important man-child pastime of video games, though. Mass Effect and Naruto: Rise of a Ninja are lazily resting on my desk, hoping to be played, but there's plenty of time to be wasted elsewhere.

Blizzard, the maliciously delicious folks they are, recently released the World of Warcraft 2.3 patch. Between faster leveling to 60 and the overdue inclusion of an Engineer crafted flying machine, I can't find a reason not to stick a filthy shared WoW needle deep in to my veins. Oh yeah baby... I'm gonna catch that dragon... and when I do, I'm gonna skin it clean.

My mental state really has to be called in to question over this. Mass Effect is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest games of all time. I expected little less from BioWare, as Knights of the Old Republic changed my interpretation of what it meant to be a good sci-fi RPG. So, why am I not playing it constantly? How have I been able to drop the reigns after a measly seventeen hours? Those Thorian Creepers aren't going to blow themselves to smithereens!

The leg-up World of Warcraft receives in my diminished mind is pretty plainly monetary. I'm paying monthly to enjoy that game while Mass Effect will remain a masterpiece, waiting dormant to be experienced for however long I chose to ignore it. Plus, my virtual crew mates won't abandon me if I ditch them for too long. Not that they could, me being a lawless Specter and all. I've gotten the boot from my World of Warcraft guild once for being inattentive for months on end, so it wouldn't surprise me to see it happen again were I to let it. Not to mention, I'm only level 44.

Level 44... What a disgrace. We finally arrive at the meat of my insanity. I've been playing World of Warcraft off an on for roughly two years now and still have failed to reach sixty with a single character. My old Gnome Rogue got to 55, but the lack of direction and abundance of grinding was too much for me to muster without the help of friends (all of whom had moved on to so called "real lives"). With this increased quest experience reward rate and lowered experience to level requirement, I plan to hit sixty within a month. Then it's on to the Outlands where all shall learn just how slick a Moonkin's dancing skills can be. And, being a Druid, I'll surely have a cure for Saturday Night Fever at the ready, if necessary.

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Member Reviews Make Me Insane
Posted on Wednesday, December 14 2005 @ 15:08:40 PST

When the powers that be at GR decided to forge onward with this new layout, I was optomistic about the future it might offer. Unfortunately, they released "Beta Game Revoltion" to the general public, which is pretty foolish. I don't see why everyone ...   read more...

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New Review on the Forum!
Posted on Sunday, November 6 2005 @ 23:43:26 PST

I'm quite woebegone thanks to the limits implimented in the user review feature. I really wanted to review Liberty City Stories for all my chums out there, but because GR has yet to post their review, I can not. Because of this, I took it upon myself...   read more...

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ADD/ADHD Is for Pussies.
Posted on Friday, November 4 2005 @ 20:30:32 PST

I was just pondering, as I often do, when I came to the conclusion that ADD/ADHD is a crock of ****. So there are some kids who are hyper and can't think about anything for more than 10 seconds without crapping themselves. Big friggin' whoop. What ab...   read more...

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That's the Power of Love
Posted on Friday, November 4 2005 @ 18:40:38 PST

Don't worry, compadres, this entry has little or nothing to do with actual love. After all, this is the refuge for people who are shunned by love, or who find love on the internet and spread a plague of shitty pictures of an ugly couple in "love."...   read more...

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