| Auto Dealer(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?" |
| Beat the Snot out of Wellesley with My Bare Hands(Silver) |
Defeat Wally Wellesley in the final boss battle. "Like I said…" |
| Bedlam Basher(Bronze) |
Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward." |
| Better Than One(Silver) |
Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!" |
| Blind Luck(Bronze) |
Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there." |
| Boom(Bronze) |
Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?" |
| Dances With Guns(Bronze) |
Complete both nightclub encounters without any of the dance-bots being destroyed. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?" |
| Death Hazard(Bronze) |
Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?" |
| Deja-Vu (All Over Again)(Silver) |
Defeat Sting Sniperscope yet AGAIN on Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!" |
| Deja-Vu(Bronze) |
Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again." |
| Disco is Dead(Bronze) |
Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!" |
| Draw(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the Dual-Wield Six-Shooters. "Now all we need is the spaghetti…" |
| Eat FIST!(Bronze) |
Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife." |
| Feeling Punchy(Silver) |
Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying." |
| Fire Hazard(Bronze) |
Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore." |
| Hands-On Approach(Bronze) |
Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!" |
| Hazard Avoider(Bronze) |
Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting. "Sure you won…my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'" |
| Hazard Master(Gold) |
Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting. "You've done this before, haven't you?" |
| Head Cheese(Bronze) |
Kill all enemies in the butcher shop with head shots. "Nice shooting! But it's not like you're PAYING for that ammo. Feel free to use more." |
| Head of the Class(Silver) |
Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late." |
| Headache(Bronze) |
Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest." |
| Housing Crisis(Bronze) |
Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!" |
| It's HAZARD TIME!(Bronze) |
Start your first game. "Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. --Sincerely, Matt Hazard" |
| Just a Flesh Wound(Silver) |
Complete a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level…and you're not one of them." |
| King of Hazard Land!(Platinum) |
Earn all Trophies in the game. "You. Are. The. MAN! (Unless you are a lady. In which case, I apologize.)" |
| Maxx Karnage(Bronze) |
Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage…sounds like a cool action hero name." |
| Meat Your Maker(Bronze) |
Destroy all of the meat in the Level 2 meat locker. "Have a beef with the owner? Steaking your claim? Beating your…hey, I can go on all day." |
| Meet Quentin.(Gold) |
Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!" |
| Migraine(Bronze) |
Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!" |
| Multiplayer Master!(Bronze) |
"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well…not like we can take the trophy back NOW…" |
| No Pain, No Gain(Bronze) |
Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you. "That's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Well…maybe not quite as much." |
| Observe the Grenade(Bronze) |
Kill 3 Tester employees with a single shot from the grenade launcher. "Test the grenades: check!" |
| Peekaboo...I Shot You!(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the Sniper Rifle. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon." |
| Plink(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol. "Frag you." |
| Pseudo-Hazard(Silver) |
Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting. "Well…at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy…'" |
| Pull!(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun. "That was a blast!" |
| Pure Energy(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the Energy Pistol. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!" |
| Russian Attack(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun." |
| Russian to the Finish(Bronze) |
Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love." |
| Say "No" to Pots(Bronze) |
Shoot 30 potted plants. "Look at 'em. Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!" |
| Second Amendment(Bronze) |
Kill at least one enemy with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..." |
| Shield Master(Bronze) |
Collect 20 Master Shield pickups. "It's not like I was afraid of dying…I just wanted the trophy!" |
| Straight-A Student(Bronze) |
Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..." |
| Stung(Bronze) |
Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now." |
| Take 5.(Bronze) |
Pause the game for the first time. "Hey...come back here and play!" |
| Talk!(Bronze) |
"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here…just take the trophy." |
| Tramm Ride(Silver) |
Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tenticles." |
| Uncovered(Bronze) |
Destroy 20 destructible cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!" |
| Well, I Heard Them Scream(Bronze) |
Kill 50 enemies with the Plasma Rifle. "Plasma Rifles--they're not just for Space Marines anymore." |
| Your Turn(Bronze) |
Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds." |
| …Where Credit is Due(Silver) |
Watch the credits from beginning to end. "Hey…aren't they the guys who made Dead Head Fred?" |
Before Microsoft and Sony do something regarding their future in the video game business, I wanted to write, and I've wanted it for a long time now, but other things kept getting in my way, and fearing that tomorrow might be too late, today will have to do.
Months ago,...