GGGGGGG RRRRRRR AAAAAA NNN NNN DDDDDDD
GGGGGGGG RRRRRRRR AAAAAAAA NNNNNNNN DDDDDDDD
GGG GGG RRR RRR AAA AAA NNNNNNNN DDD DDD
GGG GGG RRRRRRRR AAA NNN NNN DDD DDD
GGG GGG RRRRRRR AAAAAAA NNN NNN DDD DDD
GGGGGGGG RRR RRR AAAAAAAA NNN NNN DDD DDD
GGGGGGG RRR RRR AAA AAA NNN NNN DDD DDD
GGG RRR RRR AAAAAAAA NNN NNN DDDDDDDD
GGGGGGGG RRR RRR AAAAAAA NNN NNN DDDDDDD
GGGGGGGG RRR RRRRRR
TTTTTTTT HHHHHHHH EEEEEE FFFFFFF TTT
TTTTTTTT HHHHHHHH EEEEEEEE FFFFFFFF TTTTTTTT
TTT HHH HHH EEE EEE FFF TTTTTTTT
TTT TTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEE FFFFFFFF TTT
TTT TTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEE FFFFFFFF TTT TTT
TTT TTT HHH HHH EEE FFF TTT TTT
TTT TTT HHH HHH EEE EEE FFF TTT TTT
TTTTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEE FFF TTTTTTT
TTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEE FFF TTTTT
AAAAAA UUU UUU TTT OOOOOO IIIIIIII VVVVVVVV VVVVVVVV
AAAAAAAA UUU UUU TTTTTTTT OOOOOOOO IIIIIIII VVVVVVVV VVVVVVVV
AAA AAA UUU UUU TTTTTTTT OOO OOO IIIIIIII VVVVVVVV VVVVVVVV
AAA UUU UUU TTT OOO OOO IIII VVVV VVVV
AAAAAAA UUU UUU TTT TTT OOO OOO IIII VVVV VVVV
AAAAAAAA UUU UUU TTT TTT OOO OOO IIII VVVV VVVV
AAA AAA UUU UUU TTT TTT OOO OOO IIII VVVV VVVV
AAAAAAAA UUUUUUUU TTTTTTT OOOOOOOO IIII VVVV VVVV
AAAAAAA UUUUUU TTTTT OOOOOO IIII VVVV VVVV
TTTTTTTTTT HHHH HHHH EEEEEEEEEE
T T H H H H E E
TTTT TTTT H H H H E EEEEEE
T T H H H H E E
T T H HHHH H E EEEEEE
T T H H E E
T T H HHHH H E EEEEEE
T T H H H H E E
T T H H H H E EEEEEE
T T H H H H E E
TTTT HHHH HHHH EEEEEEEEEE
BBBBBBBB AAAA LLLL LLLL AAAA DDDDDDDD
B B A A L L L L A A D D
B BBB B A AA A L L L L A AA A D DDD D
B B B B A A A A L L L L A A A A D D D D
B BBB B A A A A L L L L A A A A D D D D
B B A AAAAAA A L L L L A AAAAAA A D D D D
B B A A L L L L A A D D D D
B BBB B A AAAAAA A L L L L A AAAAAA A D D D D
B B B B A A A A L L L L A A A A D D D D
B BBB B A A A A L LLLLLL L LLLLLL A A A A D DDD D
B B A A A A L L L L A A A A D D
BBBBBBBB AAAA AAAA LLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLL AAAA AAAA DDDDDDDD
O O F F
O OO O F FFFFF
O O O O F F
O O O O F FFFF
O O O O F F
O OO O F FFFF
O O F F
GGGGGGGG AAAA YYYY YYYY
G G A A Y Y Y Y
G GGGG G A AA A Y Y Y Y
G G GGGG A A A A Y Y Y
G G A A A A Y Y
G G A AAAAAA A Y Y
G G GGGGGG A A Y Y
G G GGG G A AAAAAA A Y Y
G G G G A A A A Y Y
G GGGGG G A A A A Y Y
G G A A A A Y Y
GGGGGGGG AAAA AAAA YYYYY
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OOOOOOOO NNNN NNNN YYYY YYYY
T T O O N N N N Y Y Y Y
T T O OOOO O N N N N Y Y Y Y
TTTTTT TTTTTT O O O O N NN N Y Y Y
T T O O O O N N N Y Y
T T O O O O N N Y Y
T T O O O O N N Y Y
T T O O O O N N N Y Y
T T O O O O N NN N Y Y
T T O OOOO O N N N N Y Y
T T O O N N N N Y Y
TTTTT OOOOOOOO NNNN NNNN YYYYY
* Game: The Ballad of Gay Tony *
* Type: Walkthrough/FAQ *
* For: XBox 360 *
* Author: Brad Russell "TheGum" *
* Email: email@example.com *
* Web: www.thechaosuniverse.com *
Version 1.0 - Missing the side missions, but the core game is here. Rough at
the moment, and lacking complete target scores.
Table Of Contents
Use quick find (Ctrl + F) and type in the code or level.
1. A Brief Foreword
2. Controls ( CON2222 )
3. Starter Tips ( TIPS333 )
4. Walkthrough ( FAQ4444 )
full mission titles go here...
5. Drug Wars (coming soon)
6. Everything Else (ditto)
7. Author Info / Copyright
* 1. A Brief Foreword *
I'm back. And to make a long story short, from the last true guide I made and
this one, the only game I missed making a guide for was Batman; was just too
late to that one. Other than Batman, it's been a long gaming drought.
Now to this game. The only complaint is that it may be a bit too expensive
for being so much like the original, but if you didn't buy The Lost and Damned
when it first came out, like me, and bought the episode disc, then there are
This game is brilliant because it messes with your own sexuality. Someone like
me who no longer has any emotional reaction to the word "gay" could appreciate
Rockstar's effort. Throughout the game your character shows signs of clearly
not being gay, but does appear to have a soft spot for his gay "business
partner" that seems odd for an ex-con who kills for money. And then you have
all the gay jabs that aren't out of place for your character, and the game is
very open about sexuality in many forms (even Princess Robot Bubblegum!).
And tied into a crime and drug-fueled environment, the game makes an effort
not to highlight or play up the "gay" angle, it's just there and part of the
atmosphere. Is being gay so much worse than being a junkie, a steroid freak,
a suicidal person desperate for love, an internet blogger trying to ruin
people's lives from his computer, etc? The game does it best to de-sensitive
you to homosexuality. Hopefully everyone is closer to the feeling of "who
cares?" regarding gay people.
The bottom line, if you are in complete denial about your own homosexuality,
this game is trying to slap you in the face a little, and rightfully so.
* 2. Controls ( CON2222 ) *
X - run, tap to sprint, answer phone
O - reload, melee
SQU - jump, kick, change weapon in car
TRI - enter/steal car, melee, climb ladder
R2 - fire weapon (don't have to be aiming), gas pedal
R1 - cover button
L2 - lock-on with auto-aim on, brake, aim, enter melee combat without weapon
L1 - use, exchange weapon slot for one on ground
RStick - camera, click to look behind
LStick - move, click to crouch, honk horn
D-Pad - bring up phone, check surroundings and car, switch radio stations and
Start - map, many more tabs which has a lot of screens with info and items
Select - change camera view
A - run, tap to sprint, answer phone
B - reload, melee
X - jump, kick, change weapon in car
Y - enter/steal car, melee, climb ladder
RT - fire weapon (don't have to be aiming), gas pedal
RB - cover button
LT - lock-on with auto-aim on, brake, aim, enter melee combat without weapon
LB - use, exchange weapon slot for one on ground
RStick - camera, click to look behind
LStick - move, click to crouch, honk horn
D-Pad - bring up phone, check surroundings and car, switch radio stations and
START - map, many more tabs which has a lot of screens with info and items
BACK - change camera view
* 3. Starter Tips ( TIPS333 ) *
#1. Armando is the new Jacob, he can be called for guns, but mainly for fresh
armor between missions.
#2. The map is your friend, use it often and without hesitation.
#3. Use the pre-set markers on the radar and map. Aside from me excluding
routes a lot in this guide, the game does good to point you in the right
direction. However, also keep in mind the game doesn't pick best routes, just
the fastest it can determine. More often than not, if you have knowledge of
the city and roads, you can make your own routes much quicker.
#4. Reload a lot, run, and you can jump, basic stuff that you may overlook.
#5. Cops, just look out for men with hats and cop cars when you steal rides,
and try not to hit them.
#6. When you fail a mission or die, you get a text message to retry it. I
didn't try to play the game after a fail, so not sure what happens if you
don't retry missions, but just take the text and retry. Thankfully there are
checkpoints, you don't have to repeat whole missions.
#7. Turning in cars may be trouble for you, but it's just like a real car.
Let off the gas approaching the turn, turn, and then apply the gas when
you think it's best and when you won't flip over and not too soon.
#8. Avoiding wanted stars is simple, just go as far as you can until you see
that you are outside the blue/red radius on the radar.
#9. Use taxis to cover long distances, and you don't loose much time, if any.
Just hold the steal button to get into a taxi. Inside, you can cycle through
icons on your map, and even if you set a marker. Then you can either ride it
out, speed it up, or spend just a few extra dollars to "teleport."
#10. Again, always pick up armor before missions (maybe find an armor map
online, I might have one on my site), and find the food vendors throughout
the city. Either eat, buy from vendors, find vending machines, med kits, or
save to heal up.
#11. Time of day is important for the main Tony missions, as well as night
being the only time the clubs are open.
* 4. Walkthrough ( FAQ4444 ) *
I Luv LC
Time - 4:30
Damage - 0%
Car Damage - 10%
Get in the car and drive Tony northwest near a Pay N Spray, to the Hercules
nightclub - and feel free to take this time to flip through the radio stations
and remember the controls if needed.
Now drive directly south, to the Maisonette 9. You have three things you can
do, and there is time for all. The easiest is to take a shot at the bar, which
just gets you wasted and perhaps makes the music a little more emphatic - which
doesn't happen in real life of course. Then you can go above the bar for a
little drinking game; just shake, spray, then rotate the stick to the spinning
spark on the meter to win.
Finally is the dance game, which is activated on the dance pad when the blonde
is dancing (you can chase her away, but I think she returns if you do something
else or after a time). Read the instructions first. Phase 1 is just moving both
sticks to the beat, which isn't hard. Hold when you see the message, which
means hold both sticks where they are, which can be any direction, even
opposite directions. Do the hold correct and you can press the shoulder buttons
to the beat. The beat is followed easily by watching the speaker. Do these to
fill up the meter for phase 2.
*NOTE: Phase 1 is basically a freestyle, you can fill the meter almost in any
manner you wish and you can move the sticks as you want. Doesn't seem to be
anything off limits.*
Phase 2 is the rhythm game portion. The buttons are the left stick and any of
the four color buttons, meaning no need to worry about the right stick. The
first half is just the stick, and after a time you'll get two rounds of the
colored buttons. Just watch that you move the stick in the correct direction
and know that you have enough time to see the command and then follow - it's
not like you have to follow as it pops up on the screen. It sounds harder
than it is, and it's hard to fail.
*NOTE: For the achievement you don't need to dance perfectly, just complete
it. And the achievement is why I went over it like a boss fight, fyi.*
Anyway, don't miss the call from Tony telling you to go outside, which you can
do at any point - the exit is up the stairs by the bouncer.
Just take your pals way up north to drop them off. Your apartment is just to
the southwest, so go there.
*NOTE: About the score, you can check the target score for what to shoot for
to see just how off you were.*
End - I Luv LC
Feel free to change clothes and save at the bed.
Outside feel free to leave the car in the parking spot and grab another. You
get a text message from Tony (up on the d-pad), and you can head to the
Maisonette at around 19:00 game time (check your phone).
Car Damage -
Take Tony to the souteast end of town.
After the scene you just need to fight your way down. You can use cover,
blindfire, and just run and gun. The P90 you got is your best choice, and the
sub-machines they drop will only replace it if you pick them up. Rather than
give the play-by-play for each enemy, it's better to just always be aiming as
you move and to keep an eye on the radar for incoming guys, but usually just
knowing that around each corner will be new threats is the best advice.
*NOTE: Holding down the aim button will lock onto the nearest enemy, so
moving while one is behind cover isn't as dangerous as it you think.*
The first guy is tough because unless you get him as the mission starts you
will have to run up and take him out. Then just fight down the hallway,
knowing that most of the walls are breakable - but doesn't really come into
play here. And one guy to come up the stairs.
Down the stairs, hit the incoming guy and stay behind cover as the grenade
goes off. Pick off the guys and the next corner is tricky. The guy behind the
box isn't tough, but the one in the hall is a tougher kill. Other than walking
and hitting his exposed arm, you could run to the wall in front of the box and
get this guy by shooting through the wall.
Grab the frags and the vest down the stairs. Toss a frag around the next corner
and be sure to stand far away, not 10 feet away. Kill anything down around the
corner and the two that jump in. Then be ready to two more to come up the
Head down this third flight of steps and tag the shotgun guy waiting. Frags
down this hall and around the next corner help clear out each pair of thugs,
and yes, the guys around the corner can hit you if you hug the wall.
Exit the building and get in the car with Tony, then drive just a few blocks
to Tony's apartment.
End - Chinese Takeout
Yusuf will call and tell you to meet him way to the north.
But let's stay around for Tony's next mission.
The golf range is to the west.
Aim, feel free to zoom, and try to hit the black line when it's coming back
down. There seems to be a little delay, so press it a little before you want it
to stop. Do this three times, and no, you can't overshoot or undershoot, it's
either hook or slice if you miss it.
Now three trucks pull up with goons, and you can just crouch and pick each of
them off, then go down a flight of steps or so and jump down to finish them off
before getting into Tony's golf cart.
Now just follow Rocco a short distance to a safe location, but there is a lot
of twisting and sharp braking, so just take the turns slowly and you'll be
fine. If the trucks catch up to you, (LB) fire at the drives, or anywhere
with glass to hit heads.
After you reach the end of the danger portion, just drive Tony back to his
End - Practice Swing
Now you have three points of interest: mom, Yusuf, and Mori. Clearly mom
takes priority, so head all the way up to the north.
Depending on the time, you should also get the "help the clubs" message, which
is Dessie's tasks, but let's just go to mom's for now.
Follow Santo up the sidewalk and into an alley to find the LC Cage Fights.
Fighting is pretty simple, but harder since you have to fight two rounds with
one bar of health.
X - kick
B & Y - punches / counter after dodge
A - block
Tap A - dodge
Kicking is great to take away your opponents defense, then follow up with a
few punches. Then it's block or dodge when he starts blocking your punches
and then repeat. You can kick them when they're down (maybe not these guys) and
you can use the cage as a weapon to hold opponents if you can get them to the
As for the objectives, it's win, win, and then take the dive by pressing the
button and then getting hit.
The alternative is to win all three matches.
End - Momma's Boy
Another mission at mom's, a different side the block though.
This one is in Broker, the south end of the eastern island on the map, in the
docks portion - meaning this is a long ass drive.
Once there, get ready for a heavy gun fight. A better position to post up on
is to the right, in the corner of this wall, and from here shoot through the
window. Hit the guy up high, then start pop the guys near the cars and then
the ones in the shadows. This shotgun/rifle is awesome, but your P90 from a
previous mission is a better option, if you have it (and you can pick up their
guns if you have nothing else).
Don't worry about the cars, just follow your pals as they engage the cops, and
just take out the cops as fast as you can, don't take too long or you make this
that much harder. Once the cops in the shadows and the pillars are down, the
wall around the corner will get taken out, but don't go through it. Instead,
just shoot the cops through the fence to the right of the hole, then the guys
on the roof.
Finally, about four more on the street, then run up to trigger the chopper.
You get a RPG, so use it when the helicopter turns, and that's it. You are
free to grab one of the cars on the road and head back home. You could even
go through Bohan, it's that far away.
End - Corner Kids
Several options to do from here, but let's get the next mom mission.
Bohan is the northern island, which is just across the bridge near mom's house,
and the marker is just below the bridge once you get there.
Just head down to the little dock, and as you "inspect" the boats, pull out a
gun and get ready to pop thugs who showed up the way you came. After clearing
the few on the lowest level, you can crouch up the stairs, use the SUV at the
top as cover, and hopefully the thugs will come to you and let you pick them
Then post up somewhere with cover to the north, because two waves appear to the
south, and another to the north - two of which are above you. Now you must
clear the last bunch on street-level, all among the containers in this yard.
You can go up the path you drove to the marker and from here flank the dudes,
even from the street if you want, just don't mistake a friend for enemy. Kill
them and take the designated SUV.
Follow the other SUV back to Algonquin and park in the garage to complete the
End - Clocking Off
Now that the mom missions are complete, you could do any number of other
missions, including a good time to do the first drug war, or you can keep
your map clean and not do it.
There are many more Drug Wars that pop up and unlock as you complete them, but
let's move on. We got them all in this guide, somewhere, maybe, but not now.
You should also get a call from mom about stuff, but not a mission.
You could do DWs more, take up any of the three main icon missions, or let's
investigate these "male and female" icons. The girl is only there in the
club at night, so feel free to save, waste time, hit the Pay N Spray, or do
a drug war if you need to pass the time.
She's at the bar of the Maisonette 9, just approach the British babe.
Get a car and feel free to actually go northeast, to Perseus, because that
is where the new marker will be set after the dude bleets. Look around the
car and he should bleet again.
Now head all the way south to Squid Row, where you look around to trigger the
next bleet. Just to the northwest is Star Junction, the place with all the
End - Bleetin' Hell@!
Now we are near the "male" icon, so let's go check it out.
Relax, Have a Fag
He's the French guy smoking a fag outside the Viendemorte (you can laugh now,
but I'm sure someone is offended even still).
Just drive him south, in Chinatown, to the massage spa, and that's it.
End - Relax, Have a Fag
Should still be night since we did the British babe, so let's hit up
Hercules for Tony's next mission.
Time - 2:30
Car Damage - 0%
In case you forgot, Alderney is the west island, either reached via the
tunnel or bridge to the north of Algonquin - if you don't know, use this time
to study a map and/or try to memerize the location of this tunnel, which is
tricky to hit. But for now, it's actually just under Hercules.
After you drop them off you can listen to them for a bit, then go north to the
internet cafe here.
Use any computer, and try not to get distracted by Princess Robot Bubblegum.
Click the Celebinator link, and feel free to read the stories (yes, if you
hadn't realized it, this game is really messing with your sexuality, duh).
Click the "Leave Comment" button under the first story about you two, then
just click submit to send the pre-typed message.
*NOTE: Feel free to check your emails, and the replies are part of the
messages, so be sure to click that button.*
Just leave the cafe to end the mission, and you can check the emails after if
End - Blog This!
You will call Tony, and this is one of those "wait and see" mission lines that
will pan out as you play. Dessie should give you a call about you not taking
a shift at the club, which we will soon.
It should be day time, and the daylight Tony mission at his apartment
downtown is next.
Construction Foreman - Just a short drive northwest. Park by the guy holding
the sign, trust me. Now run to the base of the crane and you don't have to
aim to drop the bombs near the crane. Doing so will attract goons to attack
you, but just drop at least three under the crane, run a good distance away,
and press down on the d-pad to take it out. Get in your car by the guy still
holding the sign.
Train - Go all the way north and the train will appear, but the idea isn't to
tag it from foot, just take the opening in the wall and get on the track. When
close to the train, you can press LB to toss the bombs out your window. Toss
three at different points, let it go ahead of you, and then blow it up.
Airport - You have two game hours to make it to the Broker/Dukes airport, so
just floor it down these tracks, to either the first or second station you hit
in Bohan, and just get out on foot and take a new car on the streets.
You don't have time to hit the east end of Bohan, just get on the East
Borough Bridge, go south to the freeway, and then go east. Enter the airport
runway and go south to find the private jet on the radar. Just toss two bombs
near it, make your escape, and detonate.
Finally you make your escape from the four star wanted. Get back on the freeway
headed west, and it should go down to a two star soon. Hide out for it to go
away, and if you want, make your way directly west from the airport.
End - Bang Bang
The reason is because we will pick up the Mori mission while we're here.
Kibbutz Number One
To Bohan, and don't forget you can take your turn at the toll to not get a
wanted star. Get out and walk down to the docks.
*NOTE: Remember, your pistol is a great long range weapon.*
Blast the first few guys, then make a break for the left stairs after an RPG
hits (fire hot). Go up the steps and hop over the wall to flank the guys, just
don't jump right next to one or in clear shooting sight. Blast them from
behind, then go back down to the dock, and now kill the RPG gunner, hopefully
not from the area he is shooting to.
After that, get to the boat. This segment is very tough because you have to
toss bombs from the driver's side at boats with guns, and you throw like a
girl to boot. Just get to the front right of an enemy boat and toss, but try
NOT to touch the boat because that slows you down. You can even toss and
detonate like a second after, the blast radius seems to be very small and you
don't have to have the bombs on the boats to destroy them, they can be in the
It can be very odd how you get the things to blow up, but you have the until
the final bridge to get them, they make a circle in the water, and that's it,
you'll have to retry. If you get them in time, just take Mori over to the
west dock near the bridge.
End - Kibbutz Number One
*NOTE: Maybe you need to read the emails first for this to pop up, most
If it's night, Margot, the crazy girl from the emails, is waiting for you
outside Hercules, the gay club.
Just grab a ride and take her souteast. Simple, really more about the
brilliant dialogue this mission.
End - Merry Margot
If it's night time, you have options, but our main goal is the Tony mission
at the Maisonette. First, you can dance at the Hercules (yes, there is a
lady to dance with in there) and you can get the dance achievement. This dance
is heavier on the buttons, but it's kinda easier than the first.
Second, you can do a shift at the Maisonette. All you do is walk into the
"Management Only" door in the hallway, then follow dots on the map as they
pop up. Boring because most of the dots are duds, nothing happens, but at
least one should be something, which is just a quick scene. And that's it,
it's over around 6:30, just enough time to squeeze in the Tony mission before
*NOTE: Feel free to dance or do a shift whenever, you don't have to do them
now. Although, it's advised you do at least the Hercules dance, regardless
if you've done the Maisonette one yet; just to get you ready for the next
It should be dark, so let's take care of Tony's problems at Maisonette 9. In
theory you could run a shift and get Tony's mission from the club, but you
have a tiny window for this after a shift, so it's up to you. However you do
it, start up Tony's night mission.
Time - 3:10
Damage - 40%
Drive him a short distance north, then get ready to dance for real, so I hope
you have done at least one of the two dance games before. If not, read up and
get ready to follow the beat.
Only a phase 1 here. Just move the sticks to any beat in any direction, hold
them in place when you see hold, and move the triggers to the beat after a
hold. The pounding of the speaker is the beat to follow, so it's easier to just
After the scene, kill the guy and the ones on your way out of the club. Several
on the dance floor, and then more at the bar area. Before you go up the stairs,
grab the health you may have not in the manager's room. One guy on the stairs,
and then two more at the top.
Hit the street and run away until the mission is complete.
*NOTE: That's a mission you won't forget.*
End - Boulevard Baby
If it's daytime, or if you want to make it daytime, go to Tony's apartment
Frosting on the Cake
Time - 5:45
Damage - 50%
Cop Escape Time - 0:35
Head east to the Broker docks. Feel free to stop at the Amunation shop for
armor and such if you want.
The mission is a rail shooter, so don't try to drive. The trigger now shoots
the sticky bombs, and down still detonates them. Hit the bikes and SUVs as it
starts, then aim for the road for the bikes that chase you. Then look forward
and use the radar to help take out the next few groups.
Move bikers as you exit this lower road, then four cop cars. Hitting them
triggers a scene and then an APC to appear. Three direct hits takes it out,
but there is also a bird in the sky. Ignore the chopper in the air as you
finish up anything on the road first, then start shooting in front of the
helicopter to take it out. You will probably have to detonate the bombs for
the chopper while they are in the air.
Once in Algonquin, you drive. Just hit Star Junction and go southwest, or
wherever you see the cops not coming from. North, south, either end of the
island, doesn't matter, just cover long distances and hide to lose the stars.
Cleared, take Tony back to Hercules.
End - Frosting...
All that is on the map is Yusuf and DWs, and maybe a new "female" icon way to
the south of Algonquin. I say go there, which is easiest if you set a waypoint
on your map at the icon (press A to mark), and then take a taxi down there
using the skip option (hold the jack car button to get in a taxi rather than
Tony should also give you a ring about the diamonds, but no mission for it.
How to Save a...
Just run. The cops are not following you, it's civilians on the radar, and
they will follow you as far as you can run. The cops are incoming, so you want
to stay out of their sight before they zero in on you as well.
Start by hopping over the rail, not the one that she did, and hop down to the
ground. Run left, follow the walkway, and then hop the fence (X if you didn't
realize you could jump, then again to climb up), and if you want to jack a car
now you can, and probably should. You could even run through the buildings
to stay away from the cops if they are behind.
Whatever you do, just get a car and drive away. Once you shake the "witnesses"
you are done.
End - How to Save a...
There should be a "male" icon on the map, but let's take care of Yusuf at
long last, who is east of Middle Park.
Time - 6:00
Player Damage - 0%
Boats Destroyed - 4
Jack a car and go to the very southwest of Algonquin and take a boat to the
far west of the pier.
When you reach the yacht, watch out for the patrol boat. To do this, just
approach the yacht from the opposite side of the patrol boat. Get near the
end of the yacht, get out of the driver's seat, and then jump to the yacht for
a quick scene.
Just equip a gun for safety, then just walk up and take the chopper. Don't make
the mistake of heading for the marker, just fly up, maybe refine your use of
these new controls, and get ready to take out the yacht.
*NOTE: The "gas" button moves you up, and the "brake" button takes you down.
You move by pushing the stick forward. The proper way to fly is to just
barely move the left stick up, this should let you go straight while
keeping your current height, or close to it. Pushing the stick all the way
forward makes you go really fast and you'll be descending. The shoulder
buttons turn the chopper, easier than doing it without them.*
Got to aim down, careful not to dive at the yacht, and just makes passes over
the thing to down it. Just stay moving to avoid the rockets, and you only need
to use your rockets, the gatling gun is optional. Takes a lot of rockets to
take out the yacht. And don't stay over it, aside from the rockets the guys
will fire at you. Ideally, you want to stay away from the yacht, but that
will require skill in driving this thing.
The next segment is chasing down the three speed boats. This is where you use
the gatling guns. You can take damage here, so if you just want to get it done
you only need to hover above them and fire your bullets - they'll get you, but
about two seconds of pure fire will take down a boat. For this, the rockets are
Finally, take the chopper to a skyscraper on the southeast of Algonquin.
Hopefully you can drive this thing forward by this point, so all you need to
land is that you pull the stick back to slow (in increments until you are
near stopped), and then use the descend button to slowly land. Perhaps you
could like fly into the top of this building and crash into the marker to
complete it, but try to land, it helps.
End - Sexy Time
Back to Yusuf's place (take a taxi).
Take this fly ride south of Star Junction - nice handling. When you exit the
car, let Yusuf drive away, or don't go in front of the car, he will run you
over. And please watch him drive away, hopefully for you the intersection is
Go in and take the elevator up. Go around to hit the scene - ouch.
You got the explosive rifle. Kill the guy in front of you and around the corner
is another as well as armor. Kill the next cop up the stairs here and basically
just make your way up as you pop cops and choppers - did I mention the
helicopters? Just pop their gunners and then keep shooting until they fall.
Once you reach the long ladder, hold the run button to go up faster, hit the
final chopper, then watch the scene at the top.
Now the fun part, just jump off and deploy your chute whenever you feel like
it, hopefully before 100 feet above the ground. Then all you need to know is
hold both triggers to slow down, they can also be used to turn, and you can
cut your chute a little before you land, or just land with it.
I say land in Star Junction, but it's up to you.
*NOTE: Armando can sell you parachutes for those parachute missions on your
map. But we won't cover those now.*
End - High Dive
Feel free to do a DW, or read ahead, but Tony should call some time soon for
the next phase of...
Blog This! Part 2
Get to the choppa! It's on the west side of Algonquin.
Follow the three rings high above the statue, then feel free to slap him
around as much as you want. He'll drop after a while, or you can just drop
Push down to dive and aim at him, you can miss, so move be sure to aim both
sticks. Once you have him, just pull your chute (A) and land on the main
island. That's it.
End - Blog This! Part 2
Couple of options. Still have the "male" icon, Yusuf, and if it's dark you
can take on Tony's next mission at his club. Feel free to move time to dark,
or waste time as you wish to do this next mission.
Bulgarin will call and offer a mission, but it's way far away.
Not So Fast
Time - 4:35
Damage - 20%
Helicopter Damage - 80%
Get to Yusuf's choppa! It's just west from here.
Just fly to the southeast of Middle Park, and land on the building here.
Hop up then onto the scaffolding, and take it down to the window. Enjoy the
"evil twin" moment here.
Cops in the museum, and you can't see your old pal, so just climb the ladder
up. Get in and feel free to pop a rocket at that chopper as you fly west.
Three choppers incoming, one at first and then two. Lucky shots aside, and
awesome if you can, but you'll most likely just have to go to a near stop,
use the reverse flight slowly, and just piss bullets and pop a few rockets -
accuracy isn't important. Basically, I'm telling you to sit and trade fire
with them, but in slight motion just to avoid their rockets.
That's it, return to the helipad you came from and that's it.
End - Not So Fast
Daytime Tony mission should be ready, but let's hit that "male" icon in
Bohan. Just set a marker there and take a cab.
Friendly With the French
Arnaud needs to be taken to east Bohan - it was just a coincidence I took him
there in a bike...
Don't think you can shoot him down, or pop his tires, feel free to try. But
I believe he crashes after the toll booth leaving Bohan - just gun him down or
run him over. If you must, keep firing or use those explosives from a while
back. Just take him down and get the wallet; it's an orange blip on the
With the wallet back, take Arnaud back to northwest Bohan - you can stay on the
End - Friendly...
Hail a cab and head to Tony's daytime mission, or save to do it.
*NOTE: Would be hard to do at night time hours. And you can always use B
to focus on the red car.*
Get to the choppa! This one is above the end of the Alderney tunnel, you
should know this already.
Take it all the way to the east island, above the park, and you're following
someone from a location that should be familiar to you.
Follow him to the north end of Middle Park in Algonquin, then south, but stay
high above the skyline as he heads for the tunnel leading to Alderney.
He does come out on the Alderney side, where he proceeds to the north parking
garage you should also be familiar with. The chase ends just to the south of
Then fly the chopper back to the helipad.
End - Ladies' Night
Should have a Y, M, and B on the map. Let's hit up Yusuf.
And if it's night, feel free to take a shift at the Maisonette.
Caught With Your Pants Down
This dude should get a ballad too.
Just take the sweet car to the Burger Shot in Star Junction, to the south - you
should know this.
Now fly directly east and intercept the aircrane as it flies into the city -
the idea is for you to trigger a scene, so fly close to the thing.
*NOTE: You can zoom with LS. And the bolts are at the ends of the cables that
touch the tank.*
Once you have the gun, aim for the two cables farthest away, on the left side
of the APC. This makes taking out the last one nearer to you a little easier,
but it doesn't matter. It may just come down to a mad shooting at the last
Then dive down, maybe take a second to locate the tank on the radar, and hop
Now is the only time in the game where killing cops lowers your wanted rating.
But DO NOT stop and fire, just keep moving and maybe don't hold accelerate so
you can turn and fire. And you can use the radar to go after cops incoming on
Just keep moving, keep firing, and once you're down to 1 star you can then
just run away - maybe at 1 star the wanted rules reset back to "killing cops
increases your level." So just use Star Junction or parts beyond and make your
way south as you run away.
Once you're free, take it south to the construction yard for the drop-off.
End - Caught...
No Tony or Yusuf missions. This is a great time to hang out with Armando and
H, get guns from A, do a shift at the club, DWs, base jump, or head over to
Mori's. It's up to you, but do head to Mori's next.
This Ain't Checkers
Drive Mori to the south end of Algonquin, to the helitour place.
When you jump, head west to the west side of Happiness Island. You have two
options for the sky dive, both work if you pull them off: either pull your
chute well above the statue so that you can land right on the boat, or head
toward the ground, let your chute go like just above the tree line, and then
hoof it. Getting into the far-left boat is really the hardest part of all of
this, and you have to get into your boat.
*NOTE: Can get the Adrenaline Junkie achievement for pulling your chute at the
last second here, although that may not be the smartest race move, and you
can't get the "land in boat" secondary objective in the scoring.*
*NOTE: You have like 20 seconds after Mori gets in his for you to get into
your boat or the race is called.*
For the boat, you want to avoid contact with anything. Your route is the south
end of Alderney, then all the way north along the west end, and then onto a
beach at the north end of Alderney. This is the leg where all your progress on
Mori will be cut down when boarding your car.
Your car on the beach is the red one in the back, and when beaching yourself
aim for the south and just jump out as soon as you can (hopping out seems to
take you out anyway). From there, take it slow as you get out of the sand and
onto the street, this is also meant to eat into your lead.
You have nitro, and you should use it as you hit the first open stretch going
east. Then you take the bridge onto Algonquin, and once you see this stretch,
use nitro all the way to the northeast corner of Middle Park. Use it again
going south, cut it off soon after, and turn into Middle Park. If Mori is
close to you, and he shouldn't be, you could use one last nitro to get to the
End - This Ain't Checkers
Now you can toss multi-vehicle races onto the pile of extra stuff to do.
Should just be Mori and Bulgarin on the map to offer missions. Let's do this
last job for Mori.
Time - 5:15
Car Damage - 20%
Top Speed - 140 mph
Take the ride all the way to the north of Middle Park in Algonquin.
Use the controls to lower a car for Brucie and then the Bullet GT for you.
Line up and then keep up with Mori as they drive north, then west, south a
bit, then west and under the freeway, and then north along the west end of the
island. Then it's just along this "walkway" that circles the island. I say
switch to the view (BACK) where the camera is just behind the car. The reason
is that hitting anything at this high a speed and so close to the water could
end the mission. So watch where you drive, take it somewhat slowly, not all-
out speed, and just be smart about this - it's not a race.
After you pass under the freeway bridge, you'll soon have to ramp onto a
series of barges. DO NOT take these fast, take them somewhat slow so you
don't flip or go crazy.
End - No. 3
Only Bulgarin left for missions, so let's head to east Dukes.
Time - 6:30
Damage - 20%
Headshots - 20
Accuracy - 70%
Cars Destroyed - 5
Cut through this little park and take the pay bridge to an alley around the
northeast corner of Middle Park.
Drive into the garage and park the car in the space. Go to the front and drop
a sticky bomb, then hide with your friends behind the designated car. Wait
until the guy with the briefcase gets near the SUV, or the prompt comes up,
Pull out your heavy machine gun and hide a bit further away from the cops as
you mow them down. Feel free to take up one side of this garage, not wise to
park here in the middle, especially by cars that can blow up with you behind
There are snacks in the back corner (feel free to take a snack break any time
while in this gunfight) and there are several body armors that drop among
the corrupt cops.
They come in several waves, ending when you see a car drop off un-armored
guys. When your heavy gun is low on ammo, swap it for their rifles and pick up
With everyone down, pick up a car, something fast, though an armored car is
okay if your only option. You will then need to shake these crooked cops, but
feel free to do so while heading back to east Dukes.
Once you lose them, return the boys to their house.
End - Going Deep
May have to like drive a little down the street for the next Bulgarin mission
to pop up, so take it.
Wait for Timur to get in, then take him to southeast Algonquin.
Take the chopper on a long upward spiral. Go up a bit more and a bit more
west from the last circle, but not too far. The target building is in the
middle of that slanted road that cuts through Star Junction.
Jump out and pull the cord as soon as possible, don't wait at all. And don't
pull up unless you won't hit the helipad, and you should be able to tell if you
are within 100 feet or so of the building and you're just barely above the
building. In that case, just pull up and aim for the walkway area under the
roof, but know that contact with the wall will drop you.
If you hit the lower level, just take the ladder on the west side to get up.
If you miss entirely, just land anywhere to take the re-try text message.
Now on foot, there is armor to the left around the corner. Through the door
start blasting these three guys. At the elevator shaft, knock down the barrels,
then pick off the two that come to investigate.
A few more down this hall, then two more in the next room. One down the stairs,
then three in the desk area. Finally, about six guys in the board room, the guy
at the end being your target. Take them all out.
Now I advise you either have already taken out a window, or turn off Auto
Aiming in the controls menu. This is because you want to break a window, then
parachute out of here and onto the truck down the street (use the radar to
locate it). Again, hit your chute soon to have a chance at landing on the
truck, but you don't have to, just get in if you miss.
End - Dropping In
Should get a call from Yusuf offering a mission, and a call from Tony.
Let's take a cab to Bulgarin and do his next mission.
In the Crosshairs
All the way south of Star Junction is Timur. However, you have to pick up a
sniper rifle just around the corner of the target building.
Go up for a scene, then quickly take out the sniper far up above, in front of
you. One more to the right on same level. The next is just behind you, so peek
around the corner. The last one is behind this building, and it's hard to get
him without being exposed, so peek around either side of this cover.
If you can tag this chopper real quick, good for you, otherwise ignore it and
just deal with the dudes it dropped onto the roof. A sniper and more that will
keep popping up far away, so always deal with them first. In the mean time,
pull out a pistol or whatever and pick off as many guys that appear on the
nearby rooftops. Body armor on the right side of one of the roofs as you start
Hop your way down to the corner rooftop, take out the snipers across the
street, and the guys to your left. Pick up the P90s here if you like, and
take out the guy on the lower roof. Now go to the little alcove thing in the
corner of this roof and jump down to the roof with the target marker. But
before you use the stairs to get down, clear the street of goons, both to the
left and right.
Then just hop down and take a car and drive away.
End - In the Crosshairs
Tony has a night time mission, but first let's take up Yusuf's mission on south
For the Man Who Has Everything
Time - 4:20
Damage - 50%
Helicopters Destroyed - 8
Drive this bitchin' ride to the overpass on the Broker end of the Algonquin
Let him drive away and then get into position as the train approaches. And
be sure to jump over the left side as soon as you see it go by.
Now move forward, watch the radar for incoming choppers, and you can't turn,
you have to aim and turn to hit anything behind you.
For the most part, you can ignore anything other than birds. And you can go
prone, but I never had to, so not sure why they prompt that to you. Just tag
shooters on birds, feel free to finish them off in a timely manner, and at
some point heavy birds will appear. These are deadly, but they don't seem to
follow you, so once they stop shooting you can ignore them.
All the while, make sure you are advancing. You don't have all day to make your
way to the front car. When you reach it, just stay toward the back of it to
trigger the scene, so don't have to move when you get on it.
End - For the Man...
Tony has a night time mission, so head over there when it's available and hit
up your old pal.
Ladies Half Price
By now, you should know the fishmarket is southeast Algonquin.
Now boat your way to the refinery on Charge Island. Yet another evil twin
Just drive and make small swerves as you make your way back to Pier 45. He
should fall off by then, but there is a lot of conversation, so feel free to
hear it out.
End - Ladies Half Price
You now get a series of calls from about everyone on your list.
Yusuf's SuperDD should be at his place east of Middle Park, and your Rocco
mission will be in the bathrooms at the park. The car will replace your sub-
machine gun you have, so if you have the P90 it'll be replaced by the Gold
SMG. Feel free to stash one at your parking lot at home, and then you can
come grab as many as you want from that same spot. Feel free to grab one and
drive to the Rocco mission in Middle Park.
*NOTE: Knife at the back of the entrance to these bathrooms.*
Feel free to take yet another Super DD to the Maisonette 9. Go in for the
This rail is NOT safe, so take cover to the right at the pillar. Either watch
for guys that approach the bar, or be ready to watch the radar for red blips
that take the stairs and appear behind you - you don't have to aim at them, you
can stay in cover mode and just shoot at them.
There are lots of waves that appear, so just blast them, mix in blindfire
with a few aimed shots. If you have sick aim, you may be able to mow them
down as they file in, but that's not wise.
Anyway, after you clear the club, collect any money and guns you can as you
make your way to the security room near the door, because you want that health
and armor in here.
Two cars as you come out, then more appear, so watch the radar and take cover
by this car, but you may want to run just south and take cover in a little
cellar opening in the sidewalk, or even just the corner of the block. Either
way, most of the guys come from the north, so take them out.
End - Party's Over
The next Tony mission is at his day time location.
Hit up Armando for armor, pistol ammo, and some sniper ammo - about 20 or so
rounds should be enough.
*NOTE: Feel free to turn off auto-aim so you can better hit the many propane
tanks on the ground for this mission. Ease of play is about equal due to the
tanks for this mission, but feel free to keep the auto-aim on and forget the
Take a ride to the fun land in south Broker, get out and hit the next marker
down the alley.
Pretty much this is just a pure wade through goons. Your objectives are the
bases of three duck things; two near the entrance, one at the back. There is
health by the third duck, and armor on a booth near the first van - save both
for your exit to the second drug area, or save them for later if you don't mind
running back for them.
Whenever you clear the current bad guys, take cover or run to cover as you move
up in anticipation for the next wave. There will be at least one to pop
up on the "tea-cup" ride. That's about the only tricky enemy. Once you pop the
third duck, just three guys toward the front as you make your way back to the
This next area is just east of the first, and you got guys from multiple sides
as soon as you enter it. Guys to the north and south, but clear the southern
guys first, which there are about six or so at long range. Once they are clear,
or at least you won't be affected when you head north, take out the two guys
at the first corner, then the final two protecting the duckies.
Now it's time to chase Timur, and you really want to kill him quickly, so
turn off auto-aim if you don't, and chase him with a fast gun to down him.
If you don't get him quickly, just chase him and ignore the other enemies,
especially if you have any armor; just be sure to use cover to block shots
from them, and do run to make it harder.
Anyway, kill him in a timely manner, then just run west and hop the fence to
get on the Bati Custom bike. Take this long road all the way east, and don't
get on the on-ramp to the elevated freeway, take the low road to stay on the
Dukes Expressway and go north to hit the marker.
Hopefully you know this road well, it's not one you want to take at full speed,
especially on a bike. Just take it at near-top speed, he will handle the cars
so don't worry about them, and DO NOT miss the off-ramp to get to the airport.
You can take the straight road that doesn't touch the airport, or take the one
closer to the airport so you can better avoid the dirt path at the end.
Your goal is the little road at the north end of the airport so that you can
get onto the airfield. Now pedal to the floor and chase that jet. DO NOT for
any reason get on the dirt, it's suicide. Just stay on the tarmac and aim for
the back-left of the plane to get on.
Just mow down these three fools, then approach the door. All you do in the
showdown is aim at him, then fire and the scene rolls on.
I believe your chute goes on its own, or hit it soon otherwise. And just glide
as far north as you can, aiming wherever.
Get a car and head to the park in Dukes. And then you know it would happen...
... the credits of course.
End - The Ballad of Gay Tony
The game now reverts back to as if everything was normal, so club missions
are now back.
You also get a marker to Yusuf's Buzzard on west Algonquin.
You'll also get a few calls, not many.
You always have had the base jumps, drug wars, and races, so feel free.
Another option is taking a few of your friends on the "dates" like in the
original. Just a few, but you got a few extra games like air hockey and golf
which are kinda fun for a few tries.
And finally, you can now use your phone and replay ANY of the main story
missions. Anything given a title by Rockstar can be replayed for yourself or
the online leaderboards.
Oh yeah, almost forgot. Princess Robot Bubblegum, gogogo watch on TV at your
* 7. Author Info / Copyright *
woWwiki.com - for basically half of what I've learned
thottbot.com - for finding almost everything in the game, just not
wowarmory.com - where you can find a ton of info on in-game characters,
items, guilds, and upgrades.
maxdps.com - a decent way to look up dps upgrades for 80s, just the gear
wow-heroes.com - a ranking system for servers, guilds, and players.
elitistjerks.com - not the best info, but if you can find the thread for
you on the forums, it's gold (it's also horde... grrrrr)
I write these guides to help gamers avoid the dumb mistakes I made.
That's really all it is about. I'm not trying to give 100% detail about the
game, help you up your leaderboard rankings, help you pwn noobs so you can
lol, or hold your hand as you play.
My guides are really meant for single-player games only, with the multiplayer
ignored, and you are supposed to read it as you play. I also gringe at
most extra stuff, like achievements or challenge modes or insane "play the
same segment 10 times to move on" hard modes. These things are just pure
"filler" that are so easy for the devs to make and so many of you suckers fall
for thinking these things are legit gaming experiences... ugh. If another
game comes out and I don't cover the filler, oh well.
I hope you can learn to find things in this guide if you must (ctrl + F) and
hopefully the table of contents points you where you need to go. If you jump
into the guide not from the start, it's on you if you are off my order of
events or you missed some early setup.
Please contact me if you need any help, if you want to praise me, if you want
to talk, or if you want to ask a question.
Efforts to get in a guide need to be exceptional.
The golden rule: keep it short. If I see a wall of text I'm probably moving
on. I've gotten real bad with emails lately.
Flamers may or may not get a response, most likely not. Please, I'm not here to
hate on people or start fights, so even if you disagree with me but aren't
looking to flame, just be polite. Trying to say I fail is a waste of your time,
so don't even try - there's only a place in my spam folder for your wasted
My email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Title of your email should be: TBOGT
*NOTE: More so than usual, but any effort to flame or spew hate speech will
be ignored, and if it's directed at me, maybe one day you'll realize how
sad you are and that only you wasted your own time. Feel free though.*
Extra points for good spelling. So anything you want to send, email away.
PS - To GameFAQ's users, if you like the guide, click "recommend" at the top
of the guide, but only if you like it.
PPS - I cannot fix bugs, glitches, or achievements/trophies not hitting. This
means when something isn't happening in the game and it should. Just reload
and try again, that's all I can say if anything.
I have other guides floating around too. They are:
Resident Evil 4
Gears of War
Rainbow Six Vegas
TES IV: Oblivion
Knights of the Nine
HL2: Episode One
HL2: Episode Two
Call of Duty 4
Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Sam & Max Episode 203
Devil May Cry 4
God of War: Chains of Olympus
Rainbow Six Vegas 2
Grand Theft Auto 4
Condemned 2: Bloodshot
Metal Gear Solid 4
Alone in the Dark (360)
NCAA Football 09
Gears of War 2
Prince of Persia (2008)
Call of Duty: World at War
Resident Evil 5
World of Warcraft
I've also been published in GamePro magazine, June 2007. Pretty cool if you ask
me, and all because I write these little guides.
Also, I am in the October issue as well, which should be out at the time of
this guide's release. At least I ain't a one hit wonder.
In a nice surprise, I didn't even know I was in the March 2008 issue of
GamePro, but I am. Maybe I'll be in more I don't know about... no.
Here is my list of sites:
GameFAQs (main host site)
and more here and there, too many to keep up with
and even a few foreign ones too!
*NOTE: There are many more with single guides, and then others with a few, and
some that I just don't keep track of.*
All other sites must ask permission if they want this. All I ask is that the
guide be ad-free and in this text format.
And if you want to make a donation at my site for hosting a guide, that is
Here is my website:
You'll find all my other guides here too and perhaps something else you may
I only ask for a donation because their aren't many people that do this
stuff for free. Even in a text-only format, you've gotten hopefully some
nice info for free and enjoyed me enough to just maybe repay all the time
spent making this guide.
You can give whatever you want, all of it helps.
This guide may not be reproduced under any circumstances except for personal,
private use. It may not be placed on any web site or otherwise distributed
publicly without advance written permission. Use of this guide on any other web
site or as a part of any public display is strictly prohibited, and a violation
All trademarks and copyrights contained in this document are owned by their
respective trademark and copyright holders.
Copyright 2009 Brad Russell