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FEATURED VOXPOP whytenoiz ~~        When I was eleven years old, it was a very good year, and I can remember my daily routine vividly. These were the years before I owned a Sony Playstation, and I used to venture to my friends house - everyday after school - to watch him play through Final...

The Least Scary Horror Games Ever.

Posted on Monday, October 31 @ 15:15:15 Eastern by Duke_Ferris


Night Trap
Sega | Sega CD | 1992






 

Number one with a silver bullet! Experts agree: this is the least scary horror game of all time.

Where do we start? Let's see...you're a S.C.A.T. (Sega Control Attack Team, aka "P.O.O.P.") team member sent in to investigate random disappearances in a mansion somewhere. Your task is to use different video cameras to spot vampire ninjas, then activate traps (read: a hole filled with smoke) to catch them, all while listening to sorority girls read dialogue so lame it makes an infomercial script sound like Hamlet.

Night Trap is infamous for a few reasons. For one, it was used as an example of violent video games at Congressional hearings back in the early 90's, even though you saw pretty much nothing during the game. It's part of the reason we have ESRB ratings now.

More interesting, though, was its cast. Whachoo talkin' 'bout, GR? We're talkin' about Dana Plato, the infamous child actor best known as Kimberly, Arnold's sister in Diff'rent Strokes. Miss Plato's performance was nothing if not awful, although she stood out thanks to the fact that I think you got to see her in a bra. Compared to the rest of her tragic life, that's not scary at all.

And frankly, neither was Night Trap.

 


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