Coke vs. Pepsi. Red States vs. Blue States. Game Revolution vs. Belgium. Contrary to the rhetoric spouted by the hippie professors at UC Berkeley in between bong rips, peace is NOT the answer, and for good reason. If we all got along, the lack of competition would result in a world rife with boring soft drinks, weak jam bands and, quite possibly, dictatorial rule by those pesky Belgians and their delectable waffles.
It would also mean that gamers would be stuck playing Nintendo handhelds for the rest of their pale, malnourished lives. That's really not such a bad thing if you consider the company's terrific handheld track record, but hey, we're not here to applaud the past, we're here to interrogate the future under the bright, cold light of completely unscientific reason.
Because that reason finally has a... uh... reason to be applied. March 24 is more than just Mr. Roper's birthday (born Normal Fell, March 24, 1924) - it's the day Sony fired its first salvo by releasing their highly-anticipated PSP. Nintendo's stranglehold on the handheld market faces its biggest threat in a decade. The war has begun.
But we're not about to duck and cover. In fact, we consider this the perfect opportunity for a quick and dirty study of Sony's PSP versus Nintendo�s DS in an effort to determine, once and for all, which system rules today.
There are many ways to conduct such an undertaking. True nerds would examine the technical specs under a microscope, perhaps dissecting each machine to determine if the fantastic bone structure of one outweighs the tasty abs of the other. Diplomatic Gentlemen would beat around the bush for a few thousand words to justify their retarded opinion that both handhelds are equally wonderful. Fanboys would tell us why Mario rules and why Sony is 'teh gayyyz.'
Since we at GR are neither nerds (we hope), gentlemen (we fear) nor fanboys (teh gayyyz), we opted to embrace our country's aggressive roots by dropping both systems into a custom-built miniature boxing ring constructed by the GR science department out of popsicle sticks and glue. The two handhelds proceeded to duke it out inside this 'ringlet,' which was particularly hard to watch since neither system has any arms.
The result was a display of digital bloodlust so savage it would haunt our dreams for days and give us an answer to our initial question: Which system kicks the most ass in a fake fight?
>> ROUND 1 - Let's get physical, physical...
