The Hive Mentality

We are taught to be unique, to be individuals, to be like no one else. That's a great concept, but at E3, it's a nearly impossible task.

As the digital assault breaks down your weakening cortex, your ability to make conscious decisions begins to wane. You go wherever the crowd washes you, oftentimes leading you in increasingly smaller spirals until you stop moving entirely. You cheer for a guy inexplicably dressed like a dragon prince. You smile awkwardly at booth babes, convinced they're REALLY into you this time - no, for real. You grab a handful of Mario pencil sharpeners convinced they'll fetch thousands on eBay.

You are wrong.

The Total Black Out

You are also exhausted, relying entirely on instinct, senses throbbing from overload. As you struggle with that whole left-foot / right-foot thing, visuals wash over you to form a vague mesh of subconscious interests.

You will see Jesus, but realize after tripping into him that it's a guy dressed as Jesus to help promote The Bible Game.

Or maybe actual Jesus. Tough to say on so little sleep.

At any rate, you will awaken from this meltdown only after enjoying some caffeine, although you will likely inhale too much at once, leading to...

Misanthropy

Even a brush with the Savior doesn't put your mind at ease. You just realized that everyone better get the hell out of your way. You're on a mission to discover all that gaming has to offer next year, because you're at E3, dammit!

With immunity to every other symptom, you charge ahead full tilt. Old ladies and booth babes alike fall victim to your cold shoulder/stiff-arm combo. Eat carpet, b*tches! I need to see me some games! GAMES!

And� YES! There it is! Bonker Jerks 3 � the game you've been waiting to check out forever is finally within your grasp, its controller idle...if only the Fanboys would peel their cameras off the babes and move six inches to the left!

Four pairs of broken glasses and eight black eyes later, you find out that Bonker Jerks 3 sucks.