PREVIEWSPillars of Eternity Preview
For Obsidian's crowdfunded love letter to Infinity Engine games like Icewind Dale and Baldur's Gate, I was impressed by its willingness to pull back the curtain and let me see the machinery behind it.
We've all been there. Everyone remembers that mission. You and your partner are climbing up the mountains in the snow, striving to pull some slick clandestine operation about getting some intel on a bad guy, or something similar (because let's face...
Let the turtles be ninjas and let the hamsters just be hamsters, please. And is it me, or is that rodent wearing a Hitler moustache while doing a little Sieg Heil salute?
Iggy's Reckin' Balls
He sure is and they sure are.
Platform : N64 Publisher : Acclaim Year : 1998
Iggy the ball stars in this oddly misspelled racing game. We're just glad he's not "wreckin" balls, because that sounds terribly painful.
I dare you to squeeze their cheeks.
Platforms : NES Publisher : Nihon Busson Year : 1987
Though the Japanese are traditionally obsessed with panties, they switched gears in this top-down action romp. Should have been subtitled Tits for Tots.
Avoid the Noid.
Platforms : NES, Arcade Publisher : Capcom Year : 1990
Plenty of companies have used video games as thinly veiled advertising vehicles. Chester Cheetah had two games, and those talking M&M's had four. But none had a title as stupid as this one from the doomed Domino's Pizza mascot.
Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf
Platforms : NES, Arcade Publisher : SNK Year : 1988
No sport promotes fighting like golf does. Wait a second - no it doesn't, and there's no fighting in Fighting Golf either, just golf. WTF?
Astro Fang: Super Machine
Makes thousands of julienne fries!
Platform : NES Publisher : A Wave Year : 1989
It's a racing game, it's a can opener, it removes stubborn stains and it melts away those extra pounds like magic! But wait, there's more! No, there's not!
You can say that again.
Platform : PC Publisher : CDV Year : 2002
Bringing the term "God complex " to retarded new heights, this recent RPG's titular redundancy is truly unholy.
Eggs of Steel: Charlie's Eggcellent Adventure
The yolk's on us.
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Atlus Year : 1998
Another one from the Over-Pun archives. Help Charlie the Egg save the giant factory! Ugh. We always knew too many eggs were bad for you.
Barkley: Shut Up And Jam!
I want QUIET! AND SLAM DUNKS!
Platform : Genesis Publisher : Accolade Year : 1993
Part command, part suggestion. We keep waiting for Kenny Smith to scream this at a babbling, incoherent Sir Charles during a TNT broadcast.
Tongue of the Fatman
Starring Ron Jeremy.
Platforms : PC Publisher : Activision Year : 1989
There's nothing like getting a little tongue from the fatman, which is precisely what this bizarre yet nauseating fighting game delivered. At least it didn't have John Madden in it.
Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together
Have you hugged an ogre today?
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Atlus Year : 1997
Solidarity with ogres was definitely a key issue for whomever came up with the title for this turn-based strategy game. Either that or they were on ecstasy.
Rosco McQueen - Firefighter Extreme
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Psygnosis Year : 1997
Rosco is hot stuff in his his most extremely flaming video game yet! And when he whips out his hose, you'll burn with the desire to play with it!
Tobal No. 1
One is the loneliest number.
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Squaresoft Year : 1996
Especially in this case, since nobody outside of Japan ever saw another Tobal game. Maybe they should have taken a clue from George Lucas and started with No. 4...
I think George Bush gets these.
Platform : PC Publisher : Infogrames Year : 1998
Do you love the smell of napalm in the morning? Like, really, really love it? So do the overstimulated dorks behind this atrocious strategy game.
GOLF Magazine Presents 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples
I wonder what this game is about?
Platform : Sega 32X Publisher : Sega Year : 1994
Sponsor? Check. Number of Holes? Check. Quality of Holes? Check. Pro Endorsement? Check. Our attention span? Checked out three holes ago.
RLY TRRBLE NME
Platform : NES Publisher : Hudson Soft Year : 1989
This side-scrolling shooter takes place just after a nuclear holocaust. The survivors must have mutated a second tongue, because they named their new nation XEXYZ.
No One Can Stop Mr. Domino!
Especially if you tip him over.
Platforms : Playstation Publisher : Acclaim Year : 1998
Artdink has made lots of weird games, but this is their most threatening. Mr. Domino knows where you live, bitch!