PREVIEWSPillars of Eternity Preview
For Obsidian's crowdfunded love letter to Infinity Engine games like Icewind Dale and Baldur's Gate, I was impressed by its willingness to pull back the curtain and let me see the machinery behind it.
Yesterday, while cleaning up my media center, I found my copy of Ratchet & Clank: Into The Nexus, which I bought sometime before Christmas last year. I had been pretty excited about this game pre-release, what with it being the first "traditional", albeit shorter than usual,...
In this platformer, regular Californian dude Jake is given magical powers to go save the bodacious babe, Allison. The resulting lesson: never, ever, let the marketing department name your game. Gnarly.
James Pond II: Codename RoboCod
A wet pun.
Platforms : Genesis, Game Boy Advance Publisher : EA Year : 1991
Fishing for compliments? Hehehe. Searching for sole? For sole - get it? Hey, you're still a great crowd!
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Psygnosis Year : 1998
"Psydeck" would have been fine, but they just had to add an extraneous "ba" to screw it up. In case you wondered what would happen if you asked Homer Simpson to name your hoverboard video game, now you know. Saxamaphone.
Nuts & Milk
Two great tastes that make no sense together.
Platform : NES Publisher : Hudson Soft Year : 1984
Hey! You got your nuts in my milk! Hey! You got your milk on my nuts! Mmmmm.
Dutch physicists have all the fun.
Platform : PC Publisher : Microforum Year : 1999
Spoiler Warning: Each point of an advancing wave front is in fact the center of a fresh disturbance and the source of a new train of waves; and the advancing wave as a whole may be regarded as the sum of all the secondary waves arising from points in the medium already traversed. Sign us up!
Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja
Dumb names vs. your quarters.
Platforms : Arcade, NES, Apple II, PC, Amiga Publisher : Data East Year : 1988
If you were worried about these dudes taking on the Dragon Ninja, don't. They're bad in a good way. Unlike their title, which is bad in a terrible way.
Pesterminator: The Western Exterminator
I'll be back...with Raid!
Platform : NES Publisher : Color Dreams Year : 1990
This lame side-scroller was based on Kernel Kleanup, a mascot of the real life Western Exterminator Company. They should be squished for this horrific naming transgression.
Mobile Suit Gundam: Gundam vs. Zeta Gundam
Gundam, spam, eggs, and gundam.
Platform : Playstation 2 Publisher : Namco Year : 2005
A gundam is a giant robot, and there are plenty of them battling it out in this game. There are plenty of them battling it out in the title, too. Malkovich malkovich.
If It Moves, Shoot It!
And if it lives, shoot it again!
Platform : PC Publisher : Broderbund Year : 1989
Excellent advice, but we have some, too - don't let your title double as the instruction manual for, like, a thousand other games.
And we have a winner. Please pass the ointment.
Platform : Playstation Publisher : Jaleco Year : 1999
While it's refreshingly honest that the game actually tells you that it's irritating before you buy it, as a name, it's terrible. It's so bad, in fact, that we bought a copy about five years ago and haven't opened it because we don't want to. Because it's irritating.