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Hello people I know and people I do not know, people with whom I have interacted at some point and people who happen to be here for a random reason involving boredom.  I have gathered you here so I can say one thing to your face before (some of…? Anyone hopefully?) you figure it...

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I think my boss wants to ****
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keepithowitis



Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 3253

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this is all a set-up.

Chris, think of all the times this girl has come onto you. Break down every encounter to its sub-departments. If you take the time to think, you'll realize that it's not you she's after... or is it?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
(She's always finding reasons to touch me...) around my waste...

She's testing the waters. Was it only a brush of the fingers? Or something more vigorous? If it's anything more, Chris, she's analyzing you. The viscosity of your excrement, possibly, the firmness of your buttocks. She goes straight for what she wants to know, and you're left blindly guessing as to her motives. Study your sluts, Chris. It's the oldest trick in the book.

Optimus-Crime wrote:
She sang to me tonight.

Analyzing your sensitivity to a bit of sweet-talking.

Optimus-Crime wrote:
Any closer and she'll go through to the other side of me.

Analyzing your sensitivity to a bit of roughhousing.

Optimus-Crime wrote:
She's always finding reasons to touch me and shit.
Analyzing your human sexual response.

You know women are phantom, Chris, don't you? Are you familiar with Sue Storm? Yes? She was the first. Your boss is an apprentice. You know, I assume, that she's been watching you since you first took your job. Watching you shove around your coworkers by the water fountain. Watching you take your frustration out in the car at the company lot. Watching you lift cinder blocks. She knows you like it rough, Chris. She's not playing hard to get.

How does she draw you in? Women aren't animals, Chris. They're finely tuned machines. She sings to you, and you blindly assume it's anything but a trap. Wrong. This isn't a mating call; no, far from it. Like a dolphin she reflects the sonar signals of her voice off your awe-struck face. Every note, every harmony, even when she gets a bit off-key. She doesn't question, she analyzes, sizes you up like a prize winning pig. What did she sing, Bowie? I bet she knows you're a sucker for Bowie. She read it off your face the first time you met.

By this point I'm sure you've started to make some connections. What are you thinking? Don't worry about encrypting your thoughts, Chris. Your boss is likely two steps ahead.

Here, I'll show you the next logical course of action, if you're curious. So coincidental that you've happened to openly share these facts in such an order. Or is it?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
He seems like a bro.

She's gotten you talking about her husband. Now, already this might throw up some red flags. You're aware she's getting married. She's quite aware too. You don't know her husband, but she talks him up to you all the time. How do you know he's a nice guy? Are these simple assumptions, or educated guesses?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
Plus I'm down for hitting it, but not marrying it.

At this point, you've clearly developed a fear of the fiance. Your HSR is steering you towards your primal instincts, but yet, an invisible force holds you back. Is it morals? Fear of causing disruption in the workplace? Apprehension at the thought of losing your job? You've fallen right into her trap, Chris.

Optimus-Crime wrote:
Maybe...maybe she's one of those open relationship types?

I'd advise you to stop trying to analyze her. You'll never be successful.

Read carefully here. You may find the answer you seek.

Women feed off of a man's fear of the unknown, Chris, don't you see? The playful hand grabs, the underwear flashing, the fact that you two are alone so often, not to mention the undisclosed boyfriend. She knows you're unsure, and to be frank, it gets her off. What is it you want to find out? She throws you a few scraps and leaves you hungering for the big ham. But what is there to know unless there are some things ignored?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
As for her boyfriend, I'm not really thinking about him.

Oh. You're not thinking about him, are you?

Think again, Chris. You are.

You've ignored her boyfriend in conversation for most of your posts. Why is that? Is it because you don't want to know more? You don't seem to give off that vibe, but oh, don't you secretly want to? What is he like? Surely she's talked to him about you. It's only fair given your preoccupation with her. What does he think of you? What kind of knucklehead is he to not realize his girl is pullin' stunts?

That's because he's been pullin' the stunts on you, Chris. This whole time.

Why did she give you her number? How do you know it was her number? Have you called it? Maybe her husband will pick up. Maybe he's been wanting to talk to you. Your boss' analysis had to be put to use in some way.

Why did she slow down on the flirting? Did she realize you were playing hard to get? Or is she simply moving aside for another to fill her role? Surely if she knows anything about you, it's your fascination with role-playing. At this point, she's got you on a string.

Now, just a week ago, was her wedding day. Re-read your thoughts on the event. You've moved on from some semi-attraction to your boss. You think she's crazy, clueless, and you're done. But what about the third piece to this puzzle? Where does your sympathy lie?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
It's gonna suck for her husband.


It doesn't take a woman to figure out who you've now set your eyes upon. Go for it, Chris, and this time, don't hold back.
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MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12385

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guys, is it worth reading?
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Optimus-Crime
bananable


Joined: 03 Mar 2012
Posts: 1077

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 11:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

keepithowitis wrote:
She knows you're unsure, and to be frank, it gets her off.

You've ignored her boyfriend in conversation for most of your posts. Why is that? Is it because you don't want to know more? You don't seem to give off that vibe, but oh, don't you secretly want to? What is he like? Surely she's talked to him about you.
What does he think of you?
Why did she give you her number? How do you know it was her number? Have you called it? Maybe her husband will pick up. Maybe he's been wanting to talk to you. Your boss' analysis had to be put to use in some way.
At this point, she's got you on a string.
But what about the third piece to this puzzle? Where does your sympathy lie?

Optimus-Crime wrote:
It's gonna suck for her husband.


It doesn't take a woman to figure out who you've now set your eyes upon. Go for it, Chris, and this time, don't hold back.




keepit, that you were able to decipher, and then put back together, my matters of love so easily and clearly says more about me than I would like to admit. But you're right. I do want to fuck her husband. I do, I really do.
Wait, that isn't where you were going with this?

(but seriously, spot on. well done.)
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trust_no_one
Biggest Ego


Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 6724

PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guys, guys...she clearly thinks he's suffering some form of mental retardation and is only trying to make him feel special.

Which among you hasn't thought that about him at some point or another...honestly?
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And TNO is just f****** with you. He is an evil genius. Everything he has ever done was because of a plan. He's like Ben from Lost. Don't believe him! Everyone knows that giving up his GM is nothing but a trick. Do not be decieved!
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UghRochester
Fattest Jedi Around


Joined: 05 Jun 2006
Posts: 7055

PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 4:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

trust_no_one wrote:
Guys, guys...she clearly thinks he's suffering some form of mental retardation and is only trying to make him feel special.

Which among you hasn't thought that about him at some point or another...honestly?
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danielrbischoff



Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 8899

PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

GODDAMIT

We're done here.
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