GR Awards: Twenty Twelve!

Longo_2_guns · Ruler of the Queen's Navy Joined: 29 Jun 2003 Posts: 14041

Another year goes by, and more pointless shit happens. But enough about that, what’s important is that I’ve finally constructed the best thing ever, a brand new Time Machine! And with it, I travelled through time to gather up the best celebrities possible on a struggling Time Mage’s salary, and got them to you right away. With that, I present to you the celebrity endorsed GR Awards: 2012!

Starting off is the ever popular Carrot Top’s Most Annoying Poster award. And the winner is:
De-Ting!
With his obnoxious, argumentative, and unfunny ways, he would be a perfect protégé into the world of prop comedy. It is recommended that you do this far, far away, however. Best of luck!

Next we have Bill Cosby’s Funny Man Award! This goes to:
BlackStar!
For the 30th year in a row, BlackStar takes home the gold. Or whatever the prize here is. Mr. Cosby suggests getting a cigar and making more wacky faces, as he claims that’s as good as it gets. Congrats!

After that we have the Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor award for Most Helpful Poster! And it goes to none other than:
used44!
Long ago, used realized that the secret to bettering everything in life was simply none other than applying MORE POWER!, a skill which definitely shows as he uses MORE POWER! to post at a helpfulness level higher than normal. Good on you!

Next up is the Least Helpful Poster award, presented by Benedict Arnold. And the winner is:
De-Ting!
While not being a traitor who hates freedom, De-Ting proved time and time again that he doesn’t really feel the need to be helpful or useful in any way. Hooray!

Moving right along, we have Shaquille O’Neal Award for Most Respect! And it goes to:
Bretimus_v2!
What else would be expected from this seven time winner of every award imaginable? Bret has proven time and time again that he has more moxie than Shaq has Fu, and has once again earned this award.

Now we have the Brittany Spears award for Least Respect, which goes to:
UghRochester!
Like the pop sensation, Ugh doesn’t get nearly the amount of respect he deserves. Unlike Ms. Spears, he also doesn’t get nearly the amount of money, fame, or women’s panties that she does. Hopefully one of those things will change for our dear friend Ugh. But only one.

After that is Kublai Khan’s Biggest Contributor award! And this goes to:
UghRochester!
Good ol’ Ugh has given us such gems with value equal or lesser than seven horses and a bag full of grain. With tribute amounts that amazing, who wouldn’t love Ugh forever? Keep it up, Ugh!

Next up, we have Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Spam, a classic joke for the biggest spammer. This goes to none other than:
danielrbischoff!
For him posting is just a game.
Again and again, it’s all the same.
But all else can look and see
There’s very little quality.
Getting this award may not be tough,
But stop it man, we’ve had enough!

Moving right along, we have the On Topic Award presented by the calm, soothing voice of Henry Kissinger. And the winner is:
Wes!
Mr. Kissinger applauds your constant ability to stay in line with what is going on, and would like to pose with you in several photo opportunities to show his approval of the French Canadian way. Hooray!

Now, it’s time for the Diego Rivera Creativity Award! This goes to:
Tigerlily!
With a bunch of amazing little pieces of art, soon Tigerlily too may find her works on the walls of every single doctor and dentist office in America! Or maybe just the reception desks, where the front desk ladies will talk about how cute they are. Congrats!

Up next is the Great Caesar’s Award for Emperor of the Topics! The winner is:
used44!
GRANDO MAGNA SUETUS! CUM EJUS CONFERENDIS A DECIES CENTENA MILIA MAGNUS TOPICA ERIT NOMEN EIUS CRONICA APUD FORTIUM ET VINDICES IUSTIFICUS ROMA!

Presenting the award for Post Whore, we have Helen Jewitt! This goes to:
Optimus-Crime!
With all sorts of posts that don’t really amount to anything other than wanting to post more to get more money, OC can easily be called a whore of the post variety. Though probably a high class one, like in Pretty Woman.

Moving on, we have the Socrates Award for Most Intelligent Posts! The winner is:
Wes!
Perhaps Wes is the most intelligent not because of his posts, but because he is the only one who knows he is not the most intelligent. Or something like that. Either way, let’s hope our most ingenious poster doesn’t corrupt the youth! Congrats!

Next up is the Bjork Nonsense Award! This goes to:
Optimus-Crime!
This is most perfect of awards to make OC a grateful grapefruit! Hooray for the sense not being! Yay!

Now, we have the Cymothoa exigua’s Best Host Award! And the winner is:
Wes!
With multiple amazing games and showdowns, who else would take this award other than Wes? He’s done more than a needy parasitic mess like us could ever possibly ask for. Congrats!

For the next award, we have Emperor Meiji’s Award for Supa Kawaii! And the winner is:
MattAY!
Who else could win this other than the most lovable weeaboo? The Emperor himself writes in response: ここで何が起こっている？私は今、どこにいるかわからない？これは私の帝国のためにレガシーになるものであるなら、私は近代化は良いアイデアであればわからない。しかし、私はショーをお楽しみくださいらき☆すた

Next up is the Zodiac Award for Most Likely to be a Serial Killer, which goes to:
madster111!
Yes, who else would get this but the video game loving youth who loves violence and talks about guns and such a lot? But that’s profiling, and everyone knows that’s wrong. I got your back madster, remember that I got your back. Just remember that, please.

Now we’ve got the award for Most Improved, sponsored by Helen Keller. This goes to:
UghRochester!
Previously being a creepy, scary individual, Ugh has managed through the work of some miracle worker to simply become a creepy individual! What an amazing improvement!

Moving right along, we have the William the Conqueror Award for Best Title! And the winner is:
UrbanMasque!
Urban has somehow managed to earn a title which would be feared by all for ages to come. When his cloned body reappears in the 27th century, now people will know what not to do with him. Congrats!

Next up is the Horse Whisperer’s Worst Title Award! This goes to:
De-Ting!
Such a shame that you’ve got a title that no one seems to like. Maybe you should consider a career change. You could even put them on business cards! Hooray!

After this, we have the John Hancock Award for Best Signature! This goes to:
Longo_2_guns!
With the might of Victor von Doom, this signature is an accurate representation of how everyone must look at him. As a scary, imposing figure that could easily wipe them out. Good for him!

Next is the Andrew Johnson Award for Worst Signature! And the winner is:
De-Ting!
This is a momentous award, because it marks the single greatest blowout in awards history. Receiving quite literally all but two votes, it is clear that unfunny, terrible memes are in fact both unfunny and terrible. Way to go!

Moving on is the Vishnu the Destroyer Award for the Best Avatar! This goes to:
MattAY!
With his lovable British flair, MattAY has once again captivated the hearts of everyone and postponed the destruction of the world! Chip chip cheerio!

Now it’s time for the award of Worst Avatar, presented by M. Night Shyamalan. And he gives us:
Sourdeez!
I bet you expected something else, but NOPE! TWIST ENDING! Seriously, though, I think this was about the really poorly MSPainted one from earlier, which he changed! TWIST! Way to be ahead of the curve.

Next up is the Coach McGurk’s Good Hustle Award. This goes to:
UghRochester!
Despite starting out with every negative award, Ugh never quit, even when he probably should’ve! That kind of tenacity deserves an award of some sort, right! You get a participation ribbon, the best kind!

And now we’re up to the good stuff, the Chairman Mao award for Worst Poster! And the winner is:
Optimus-Crime!
With his complaints about how every single thing that is done is not to his satisfaction, who else could it be other than Chris? A little harsh, perhaps, but so is he! Hooray!

Finally, we have the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the Bretimus_v2 Award for Best Poster of the Year! And the winner is:

Bretimus_v2!

After winning it for five years in a row, why not simply name the award after him? I see no reason not to, do you? Good, then we’re agreed! Congratulations!

And that’s the awards. Congratulations to everyone! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to deliver a bunch of angry historical figures back to their time periods, and stop to watch Lady Godiva. I heard she rode around naked!
Hooray for time travel!
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De-Ting · Formerly Known as Prince Joined: 11 Nov 2006 Posts: 7263

Go home, Longo. You're drunk.

You gave me this title, too. And you've refused to change it. I wanted it to be Frank after Rakon posted his dream.

Who's the real monster here? Not I...not I.
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Yo.

used44 · Joined: 08 Mar 2002 Posts: 19256

credit to Rakon.

UghRochester · Fattest Jedi Around Joined: 05 Jun 2006 Posts: 5541

He actually made it!
Just joshing, I'm not upset. Never truly was.
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Rakon · In Transit Joined: 18 Mar 2007 Posts: 3438

danielrbischoff · Joined: 13 Nov 2009 Posts: 7363

Optimus-Crime · bananable Joined: 03 Mar 2012 Posts: 788

2013 = Year of the GOOCH.

Sightless · Joined: 23 Jul 2010 Posts: 965

Oh whatever, Dan, I'll feel down if I want to! Aaaall the way down.

And thanks, Longo, for not writing me in to win those awards. I want my money back.
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I sprinkle sand into the waters of night. The grains burn as they fall, reminding me of another in times long passed away. I watched him even then as he fell, his face undefeated, his eyes still proud.

WickedLiquid · In Limbo Joined: 18 Mar 2009 Posts: 5321

Good job guys

...good job
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Sourdeez · Does it use DX11?!? Joined: 12 Feb 2012 Posts: 1098

Was it half life 3 or duke nukem forever?

Id say it was more half life two episode one. good game but they really didn't need to take your crowbar away and make you restart gaining the same weapons.

Congratulations Ugh, You at least have my respect.

The GR community is like the world.
We could do some amazing good things together, You know if we could stop being dicks to each other for 5 minutes. Laughing

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“Yeah but when does EA come in when your trying for auto erotic asphyxiation and decide that you are really trying to commit suicide? Then they force you to do what they want.”

Optimus-Crime · bananable Joined: 03 Mar 2012 Posts: 788

It was somehow Commander Keen. Respectable.

Bretimus_v2 · The Japazillian Dynasty Joined: 30 Jan 2009 Posts: 8282

Longo, thanks for putting in the work on the write ups. And GR , thanks.
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MattAY · Posh B**tard Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 10823

Haha nice work Longman, a good read!

Congrats to all who won - and to Bret, what is this four years in a row now?!
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Bretimus_v2 · The Japazillian Dynasty Joined: 30 Jan 2009 Posts: 8282

I think it's either 3 or 4, but I'm leaning towards 3. Nonetheless, I want my title changed to "The Japazilian Dynasty". And I don't know what's more exciting...being told I have more Fu than Shaq or having an award named after me.
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Mod-Chip · Senior Idler Joined: 26 Dec 2001 Posts: 7328

Wow, I can't believe I waited this long for this piece of shit on a stick eye-strain.

spartan317 · Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 586

Congrats Bret... also... the topic was a bit more interesting
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LinksOcarina · The Anti-Fanboy Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 11113

Icepick · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:09 am Post subject:

10 years and I don't get a bullshit token award, I'm burning down GR
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Anal sex is a lot like eating spinach, if you're forced to do it as a kid you wont enjoy it properly as an adult

MattAY · Posh B**tard Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 10823

Maybe you should dress up as Psy next year.
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WickedLiquid · In Limbo Joined: 18 Mar 2009 Posts: 5321

If tigerlilly doesn't come in and accept her award I'm stealling it and using it to show off to the hookers at Used's party.
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