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Is this weird of me?

 
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Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
Posts: 1560

PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:41 pm    Post subject: Is this weird of me? Reply with quote

I was having lunch today on my lunch break by myself, and I was thinking about some stuff. Maybe it's silly, maybe I'm rude, I'm not sure and I'm a little worried about this to be honest.

Sometimes when I'm out and about (like on my lunch break at work), I might see someone I know, but it's someone I don't know very well. It could be someone from the office, someone I went to school with, someone I went to university with etc. I don't dislike these people, not at all, but I feel very strange and awkward if they approach me and want to talk to me. I might just wave or something at the very least and maybe continue to do whatever is I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm trying to avoid them on purpose and I'm not sure why.

One time I was having lunch by myself and this fella I knew from uni walked past, said hello and waved. I did the same thing, then kept eating. A minute or so later, he sat down in front of me at the table I was at with his lunch and started talking to me. He's not a bad guy at all, I don't dislike him, but I suddenly got very uncomfortable and I felt super awkward. I feel like I just wanted to leave, but obviously I couldn't. Luckily he did most of the talking (he talks a lot) so I guess that made it easier.

There's also this fella I also know from uni, not very well though, but he often sends me Facebook messages asking if I want to hang out for lunch or something. Usually does it once a week. I don't know him very well at all so I just feel really awkward about it. We've had lunch together before and in all honesty, the conversation always goes towards girls and how he's looking for a girlfriend (he's apparently trying really hard).

If it's a good friend or a family member, I would invite them over for a conversation or whatever, I'm very happy to do that. However, if it's someone who I just kinda know, it's like I try and avoid them on purpose. I feel super rude for doing it - and it probably is super rude, but I just hate the feeling of being awkward and going through these awkward feeling conversations.

Maybe I'm being over dramatic and just being a bit of a dumb arse, but I was just wondering... is this a normal thing, or am I a rude weirdo who should try harder at social interaction with people I don't know very well at all?

Does anyone else have this similar issue?
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Bretimus_v2
The Japazillian Dynasty


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It just sounds like you are prone towards introverted tendencies. There is nothing wrong with that. Plus it sounds like you engage them when they push in.
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Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 1:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah... in some situations (e.g. guy randomly joining me for lunch) it's like, I feel I don't really want to be there and I want that guy away, I just wanna hang out by myself, but I don't leave because that would be seriously rude and impolite (despite the fact my thoughts about it seem rude and impolite).

If people approach me to talk to me, then yeah, I'll deal with it and sit through it. I just feel strange about it.
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MattAY
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Joined: 02 Mar 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm similar Craig, I wouldn't worry. It's like Bret said, introverts and extroverts. There are talkers, and there are listeners! Wink

I'm not good at small talk, not one drip. To the point where people can probably tell if I'm trying to THINK of small talk. I reckon that's a reason why I'd react the same way as you - I personally am self-conscious of the fact I wont be interesting/fun to be with! But I do engage if they push in.
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StudioTan



Joined: 29 Jan 2010
Posts: 300

PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahaha Craig, both instances you described remind me of Larry David. It's almost uncanny. Razz
I think you would love Curb Your Enthusiasm if you don't already watch it.

The 'Stop and Chat'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f2LJXz-l2k

Lunch With Acquaintances
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG_M73MoxJE
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Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
Posts: 1560

PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MattAY wrote:
I'm similar Craig, I wouldn't worry. It's like Bret said, introverts and extroverts. There are talkers, and there are listeners! Wink

I'm not good at small talk, not one drip. To the point where people can probably tell if I'm trying to THINK of small talk. I reckon that's a reason why I'd react the same way as you - I personally am self-conscious of the fact I wont be interesting/fun to be with! But I do engage if they push in.


That's one of my problems I think. I sit there and think "Oh God what if they think I'm boring? What if they think I don't like them? I don't dislike them that's not true, I just don't really want to talk to them!" Ha ha, it does sound a little funny and pretty contradicting now that I think about it. Like you said though, I will engage if they push in, I just... don't go out of my way to push into others, except for good friends/family.

Small talk is a weakness of mine. I'm not very good at it either.

StudioTan wrote:
Hahaha Craig, both instances you described remind me of Larry David. It's almost uncanny. Razz
I think you would love Curb Your Enthusiasm if you don't already watch it.

The 'Stop and Chat'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f2LJXz-l2k

Lunch With Acquaintances
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG_M73MoxJE


Ha ha no I haven't seen much of Curb Your Enthusiasm but I've heard good things... funny how they've got scenarios on both awkward scenarios I've listed. Must be more common than I thought?
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intoTheRain
Doesnt Like to Get Wet


Joined: 05 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The majority of people on this message board are most likely introverts, myself included, so know these feelings. It is almost physically impossible for me to make small talk. If someone wants to sit down and have a real conversation with me though, that's fantastic.


Though in that situation I would rather have someone sit with me than sit there alone. I would just push the conversation towards something worth talking about.

I'm really introverted in some ways and extroverted in others. But yea you obviously just want to be alone and communicating with others you're not comfortable with drains your energy. Which is basically the definition of being an introvert.
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MattAY
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha Tan, thanks to you I went on an hour barrage of watching curbs vids! Thanks!
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UrbanMasque
Don't Feed Him


Joined: 16 May 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Master_Craig wrote:

One time I was having lunch by myself and this fella I knew from uni walked past, said hello and waved. I did the same thing, then kept eating. A minute or so later, he sat down in front of me at the table I was at with his lunch and started talking to me.


Thats Awkwards on HIS end.. nothing wrong with being like.. dude wtf? As someone who values their solitary time, you'd be justified in being like - "sorry, I'd just rather sit with my thoughts". Esp. if its someone you barely know.

You're a good person for at least being open to entertaining the time with him, but people who come up to you have spill their guts like that probably need the intimate contact more than you do. As practice, I try to make a go at being approachable - but sometimes you just want to sit there and let your mind drift.

Small talk should come naturally to everyone on the forums. You guys have a super interesting hobby (gaming ... or judo). Talk to people about that. I used to think the news was a great small talk snippet into getting to know people... NOPE, b/c then it just spirals into an uninformed political discussion.

intoTheRain wrote:
The majority of people on this message board are most likely introverts, myself included, so know these feelings. It is almost physically impossible for me to make small talk. If someone wants to sit down and have a real conversation with me though, that's fantastic.

Though in that situation I would rather have someone sit with me than sit there alone. I would just push the conversation towards something worth talking about.


Totally agree, but I guess its situational. If you're at work in the cafeteria - you have to expect people to sit with you and have a small convo about bullshit. but if you're out and about and see someone you vaguely recognize and they invite themselves to join you - thats an intrusion on your personal space and a violation of social etiquette. Just make sure your body language and conversation doesn't lead them to believe that the convo is ongoing.
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Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do appreciate my own "alone time" and just giving myself time to think, or be anti-social and read the news on my iPhone or other websites, but I just feel bad about it sometimes. It's funny feeling.

Like I said before, if someone approaches me then I do try to engage them. I'm probably not the most interesting person in the world to have small talk with, when it comes to people I don't know very well, but I do try.

This will sound horrible of me but at work I tend to avoid people in the office. Again it's not because of dislike, it's because I hate small talk with people I don't know very well, it feels so awkward and forced.

There's this one fella in our office who is notorious for chatting with everyone and for long periods of time. I try and avoid him. Again, I don't dislike him, but he just wastes so much time... if he catches you in the kitchen, it's very difficult to leave. He'll probably spend about twenty minutes or so talking to you, with him doing most of the talking.

That's one thing that bothers me sometimes... meeting people, and all they talk about is themselves. I know quite a few people who will say hello, then begin the conversation "So I've been" or something.

I went to a party once, my friend's birthday. I met this guy there who I had to sit next to (didn't have a choice, I was late to the party). When I sat down beside this guy, he introduced himself, I responded, then he went off like a horse on a race track, verbally of course. I learned so much about this guy because he wouldn't stop talking and he didn't ask me a single question.

When he finally asked, "What do you do?", I told him (digital media and stuff) which he then asked me if I'd be willing to do free work for him... uh, no? >_>

Sorry to go off topic. Just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone's comments and feedback. Thank you. Smile
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WickedLiquid
In Limbo


Joined: 18 Mar 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It might just be a touch of anxiety.

You could challenge this anxiety and talk to the people who make you uncomfortable. But it could be your just enjoy your alone time.

I remember when I took the bus to school and work. I would listen to some music I loved and when I saw someone who recognized me I'd hate having to turn the music off and engage in conversation. It had nothing to do with being anxious I just really was into the music coming through my headphones.

I'd suggest engaging in conversation and finding out of it's anxiety or not. If not then they don't owe you anything, enjoy your alone time.
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Bretimus_v2
The Japazillian Dynasty


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm really extroverted but here is a life hack for introverts. If you really need some "you time", keep earbuds on you. You don't even need an iPod or phone, just pop them in and shazam, people bother you less.
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C_nate



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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm kinda of an introvert myself, but I don't have a hard time shooting the shit if someone starts small talk with me as long as they don't start talking about politics or something (no I don't think obama is a communist socialist muslim, thank you, good day.)

In any case, I think Bret's idea is the best if you want to be left alone at that particular time.
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Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I may have to start carrying ear phones with me. Maybe I should actually listen to music.

I went to a cafe' today and I was being a total hipster. I bought my sketch bad with me and was drawing/sketching. Experimenting and drawing a scene of a comic that just popped up in my head one day.
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