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!!!!!STORYTIME!!!!!

 
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Guan_Yu
I live in a giant bucket )))-:


Joined: 01 Nov 2005
Posts: 3435

PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:10 pm    Post subject: !!!!!STORYTIME!!!!! Reply with quote

Hello Game Revolution. It's definitely been a while since I've said anything here. If you don't remember me, I had a little nickname on this forum years ago -- "Sloppy Carlton". Still not sure why. If you do remember me, then you have been on this forum for way too long. I have been on this forum for way too long. Now let's write a Goddamn story together.

Some rules:

-We are writing a Goddamn story together. I will post the first part then each member who posts will continue the story from where the last person left off. Be creative!

-Don't contribute just one or a few words. Try to write at least one good sentence, preferably a few sentences. Let's keep the plot moving, damn it all.

-Feel free to incorporate real GR posters into the story. Everyone knows that fan-fiction is the coolest form of literature.

-Try to be funny. Or at least comprehensible. Actually, that's a much more realistic goal. Let's all try to be comprehensible. Reading is good.

Now let's do this thing right while we can before it inevitably turns into a bloated, unfunny closed topic.

"You're most recent review of Tactical Tennis Romance was the biggest chunk of e-tripe I have ever wasted my time on," an enraged GR poster typed in the GRandmaster forum. "This game is, without a doubt, the best tennis combat date-simulator on the market, and you blow it off as bargain bin-worthy crap. I have not seen such a short-sighted review on this site since Intellectual Chicken Dreamland, and that's really saying something. Next you will probably try to tell us that Batman and the Mystical Zebra is crap. Farewell, GR, I will never visit this site again! There is just too much unfair bullshit for me to have to wade through anymore. Hopefully Cthulhu will bless the admins with fair analytical skills. Ta-ta!" As he typed his last keystroke, our hero sat back smugly in his chair as the cloud of Cheeto dust cleared from over his keyboard. "That will show those peons." With a final swig of whatever fattening sugary poison our hero was cramming into his body, he put his head down to rest on his favorite sweat-stained horridly disgusting fat person pillow. Fat. Suddenly, a loud rumbling shook the entire room, and our portly hero fell out of bed. After six or seven attempts, our hero stood boldy to his feet and ran down the hallway wailing with honor before he courageously hid in his grandmother's closet. Suddenly, the rumbling stopped. "Whew, that was clo-" Our hero was cut off when the closet door opened abruptly. Standing in the closet entrance was a large, shadowy, super-cut figure. This figure was none other than GR superstar.......
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Personally, I think {opinion deleted by admins}

God shave the queen.
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MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12310

PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...DanielRBiscoff....or as the norms of GR call him, Dannrbis (Get it? Like Cannabis...but it's also the first parts of the 3 names he has)! "Holy fucking smokes! It's Daniel!" cried the hero as a dribble of urine seeped through his jeans. "Wh-What are you doing here?"
"Step on out, kid. We need to chat", said Daniel as he took his strong stride through to the kitchen as the kid followed.
The hero punched down some pop tarts (chocolate) into the toaster and they both took a seat. "Kid...we all read your comments on our reviews, and quite frankly - you're a dick!" The kid blindily stared back at Daniel.
"Of course, we know you're upset. It's not our fault our opinions are wildly different from yours, but like any heartfelt, tightly-knit community that DEFINITELY dont sell out to companies...we hate to lose valuble members! We have a proposition for you"
Daniel leans in, as does the hero.
"Kid...we want you to come back, so we have decided that we will recruit a new member of staff to our website who will specialise in writing reviews and such."
The hero widened his eyes at the news..."Is it Ugh?...."
.....................
"HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!"
"PFFFFFT BWAHAHAHAHAAHA", they both buffawed in loud laughter as the both of them almost fell from their seats.
"Ha, bless you kid for lifting the mood...but no, the new member of staff - is YOU!!"
The pop tarts sprang out of the toaster as the kid sprang to his feet, hands strongly palmed on the kitchen table as the shocking look on his face became heavier.
"......Well hero....what do you say?"....

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danielrbischoff



Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 8891

PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol... Love this so far. I'll contribute tonight once I'm not on my phone.
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Longo_2_guns
Ruler of the Queen's Navy


Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Posts: 15960

PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I'd be ho-... honn... hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng..."

At this point, the hero falls upon the ground grasping his chest with his huge, sausagey fingers, the many many double cheeseburgers proving to be his kryptonite. Daniel looked at him with a confused look on his face. "So... is that a no?"

He reaches out toward Daniel. "Nn... nnnnnnnnnnngggg." He crawls off toward the phone, or the fridge. No one shall ever no, because he died before he can reach it. Daniel continued to stare confusedly at him. "Uh... I'll go ask Ugh if he wants the job instead."

So then Daniel left, going to Ugh instead. But when he got there, he found Ugh had been drinking. Hard. Daniel shook his head sadly. "Dammit Ugh. Not this again." In his angry state, Ugh played a drunken lick upon his guitar, collapsing the building upon them both. Luckily, Daniel was wearing his anti-roof collapsing hat and managed to crawl away the rubble unharmed. But when he was done going down on Betty, he left the collapsed building.

But as he looked around, he realized there was a clue on the ground, reading it out loud. "My god, someone is systematically killing off all the GR members by exploiting their weaknesses, or something. I dunno." So, to try and stop it, he next went off too....
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Paradox
Up for group


Joined: 19 Mar 2002
Posts: 5653

PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...the bus station and rode to the closest address of a GR member he could think of. 

As Daniel strode up to the walk towards the entrance, his mood was softened by a soothing, melodic song that seemed to be coming from a wind-based instrument. 

Now calm and relaxed, he rapped on the door. Apparently unlatched, it gently swung open. Daniel shrugged and followed the corridor towards the beautiful tranquil music.

 "Ahoy-ahoy? DanielRBischoff here. I'm scouting fellow GR'ians for HOLY FUCKING ABOMINATION BURN IT BURN IT WITH FIRE!!" he shrieked in a now decidedly uncalm fashion.

 Before him stood what appeared to be an upright standing octopus. With a big nose. And a clarinet. Once Daniel's heart began beating again, he gazed once more upon the cephalopod homeowner. "For Christ's sake, De-Ting, I always thought that was just a cartoon avatar picture!" "It is," replied  De-Ting, "I had my caricature drawn last time I was at Coney Island, and for crying out loud, you made me ink on the carpet." "Yeah, yeah, well I inked my speedo so I guess we're even.", remarked Daniel. "Listen, someone seems to be targeting members of GR for assassination. I need your help. I'm forming a team. Will you join me?" 

De-Ting slithered over on six of his lithe, muscley appendages and slid a tentacle around the back of Daniel's neck. Daniel cringed as some of the suckers stuck to his skin. "I would be honored", crooned De-Ting in a nasally voice. "And I know just who to call..."
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Chris_Crime



Joined: 18 Mar 2007
Posts: 3806

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Our story so far

Chapter 1: The Feminine Mystique
"You're most recent review of Tactical Tennis Romance was the biggest chunk of e-tripe I have ever wasted my time on," an enraged GR poster typed in the GRandmaster forum. "This game is, without a doubt, the best tennis combat date-simulator on the market, and you blow it off as bargain bin-worthy crap. I have not seen such a short-sighted review on this site since Intellectual Chicken Dreamland, and that's really saying something. Next you will probably try to tell us that Batman and the Mystical Zebra is crap. Farewell, GR, I will never visit this site again! There is just too much unfair bullshit for me to have to wade through anymore. Hopefully Cthulhu will bless the admins with fair analytical skills. Ta-ta!" As he typed his last keystroke, our hero sat back smugly in his chair as the cloud of Cheeto dust cleared from over his keyboard. "That will show those peons." With a final swig of whatever fattening sugary poison our hero was cramming into his body, he put his head down to rest on his favorite sweat-stained horridly disgusting fat person pillow. Fat. Suddenly, a loud rumbling shook the entire room, and our portly hero fell out of bed. After six or seven attempts, our hero stood boldy to his feet and ran down the hallway wailing with honor before he courageously hid in his grandmother's closet. Suddenly, the rumbling stopped. "Whew, that was clo-" Our hero was cut off when the closet door opened abruptly. Standing in the closet entrance was a large, shadowy, super-cut figure. This figure was none other than GR superstar......."

Chapter 2: Communist Manifesto
...DanielRBiscoff....or as the norms of GR call him, Dannrbis (Get it? Like Cannabis...but it's also the first parts of the 3 names he has)! "Holy f****** smokes! It's Daniel!" cried the hero as a dribble of urine seeped through his jeans. "Wh-What are you doing here?"
"Step on out, kid. We need to chat", said Daniel as he took his strong stride through to the kitchen as the kid followed.
The hero punched down some pop tarts (chocolate) into the toaster and they both took a seat. "Kid...we all read your comments on our reviews, and quite frankly - you're a dick!" The kid blindily stared back at Daniel.
"Of course, we know you're upset. It's not our fault our opinions are wildly different from yours, but like any heartfelt, tightly-knit community that DEFINITELY dont sell out to companies...we hate to lose valuble members! We have a proposition for you"
Daniel leans in, as does the hero.
"Kid...we want you to come back, so we have decided that we will recruit a new member of staff to our website who will specialise in writing reviews and such."
The hero widened his eyes at the news..."Is it Ugh?...."
.....................
"HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!"
"PFFFFFT BWAHAHAHAHAAHA", they both buffawed in loud laughter as the both of them almost fell from their seats.
"Ha, bless you kid for lifting the mood...but no, the new member of staff - is YOU!!"
The pop tarts sprang out of the toaster as the kid sprang to his feet, hands strongly palmed on the kitchen table as the shocking look on his face became heavier.
"......Well hero....what do you say?"....


Chapter 3: Your Drupal Experts in San Francisco
"I'd be ho-... honn... hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng..."

At this point, the hero falls upon the ground grasping his chest with his huge, sausagey fingers, the many many double cheeseburgers proving to be his kryptonite. Daniel looked at him with a confused look on his face. "So... is that a no?"

He reaches out toward Daniel. "Nn... nnnnnnnnnnngggg." He crawls off toward the phone, or the fridge. No one shall ever no, because he died before he can reach it. Daniel continued to stare confusedly at him. "Uh... I'll go ask Ugh if he wants the job instead."

So then Daniel left, going to Ugh instead. But when he got there, he found Ugh had been drinking. Hard. Daniel shook his head sadly. "Dammit Ugh. Not this again." In his angry state, Ugh played a drunken lick upon his guitar, collapsing the building upon them both. Luckily, Daniel was wearing his anti-roof collapsing hat and managed to crawl away the rubble unharmed. But when he was done going down on Betty, he left the collapsed building.

But as he looked around, he realized there was a clue on the ground, reading it out loud. "My god, someone is systematically killing off all the GR members by exploiting their weaknesses, or something. I dunno." So, to try and stop it, he next went off too....


Chapter 4: CUDA Memories
...the bus station and rode to the closest address of a GR member he could think of.

As Daniel strode up to the walk towards the entrance, his mood was softened by a soothing, melodic song that seemed to be coming from a wind-based instrument.

Now calm and relaxed, he rapped on the door. Apparently unlatched, it gently swung open. Daniel shrugged and followed the corridor towards the beautiful tranquil music.

"Ahoy-ahoy? DanielRBischoff here. I'm scouting fellow GR'ians for HOLY f****** ABOMINATION BURN IT BURN IT WITH FIRE!!" he shrieked in a now decidedly uncalm fashion.

Before him stood what appeared to be an upright standing octopus. With a big nose. And a clarinet. Once Daniel's heart began beating again, he gazed once more upon the cephalopod homeowner. "For Christ's sake, De-Ting, I always thought that was just a cartoon avatar picture!" "It is," replied De-Ting, "I had my caricature drawn last time I was at Coney Island, and for crying out loud, you made me ink on the carpet." "Yeah, yeah, well I inked my speedo so I guess we're even.", remarked Daniel. "Listen, someone seems to be targeting members of GR for assassination. I need your help. I'm forming a team. Will you join me?"

De-Ting slithered over on six of his lithe, muscley appendages and slid a tentacle around the back of Daniel's neck. Daniel cringed as some of the suckers stuck to his skin. "I would be honored", crooned De-Ting in a nasally voice. "And I know just who to call..."


Chapter 5: The Skeletal System
--zzzrk*
www.youtube.com/v/vSr2TUYlNIM
"Oh, Bobby, I had a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. De-Ting was in her car and she tried running me down, but you pushed me out of the way, and then she hit you and she crashed into a truck and she was killed. And we took you to a hospital and you died!"

"Hey, Pam, I'm right here. And I'm fine."

"But there was so much more. Bobby, it seemed so real! Cheeto dust, Daniel and a mystical zebra? ...And I was married."

"Heh, hey, you are gonna be married. To me! Just as soon as we can."

"Oh, Bobby. *sob* I love you so much."

"It's over, Pam. None of that happened. We're together, and I love you."

"Bobby, don't ever leave me... don't ever leave me."

"I won't. I love you."


/Fin
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danielrbischoff



Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 8891

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As Pam laid down and fell back asleep, her dream picked up where it left off....

De-Ting and Daniel ran outside where they hot-wired the station wagon De-Ting's mom normally drove her to school in. The wood-paneling and luggage rack belied the leather interior with Bose DVD system.

"DVD's? Really, Ting? Those are so 2011."

"You can sit in the back, I have a PS3 hooked up back there."

Daniel hopped in the back seat and put his feet up before grabbing the controller. There was a small bucket with ice and a champagne bottle sticking out. A hidden console opened and a shrimp cocktail slowly raised up, chilled to perfection.

De-Ting put on a hat and turned around. "Where to sir?"

"I thought you knew where we were headed?"

"Oh yes, that's correct sir, I'm sorry," De-Ting said as she started to pull the station wagon out of the driveway. As the rear tires crossed the gutter and hit the street, the shrimp cocktail tipped over and cocktail sauce spilled over the lip of the glass and on to the seat cushion next to Daniel.

"De-Ting you IMBECILE!" Daniel threw the glass at the back of De-Ting's head where it shattered and knocked her unconscious. With her bulbous nose down on the steering wheel and one of her tentacle's limp on the gas pedal, the station wagon lurched forward and began to accelerate.

As De-Ting remained unconscious, the car careened into a construction block where a piece of rebar impaled the squid and a cement block stopped the car. Struggling out of the station wagon, Daniel noticed he was bleeding from a wound on his forehead just before he heard something from the car. De-Ting tapped on the driver's side window with her tentacle. When Daniel approached, Tingy rolled the window down.

"Ting, tingy! Are you OK?"

"No I'm not OK, you dumby!" Daniel slapped the squid.

"Don't you dare talk to me that way!"

"How could you slap me! I'm dying! Wait... what was it you threw at me?!"

"A chilled glass with cocktail sauce and jumbo shrimp...."

"I... I would never serve that to you! Shrimp are distant relatives of mine...."

"Someone set this up! Someone... deliberately put the shrimp there knowing full well I'd treat you like garbage because I'm a stupid staff member with a big head!"

"You've got to find this mad man," De-Ting said with his final breaths as he rolled the window back up.

"Goodbye De-t--"

"Wait," De-Ting rolled the window back down. "Do you have any grey pupoun?"

"No... I... Oh, he's dead."

"Of course, he's dead," a voice said behind Daniel. "That's exactly what the mastermind wanted to happen."

Daniel turned around and saw none other than....
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UghRochester
Fattest Jedi Around


Joined: 05 Jun 2006
Posts: 7011

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man wielding 17 weapons.

"Hello, I'm Longo_2_guns. Please, don't let my name fool you." He steps closer to Daniel with a rifle that appeared to be recently fired. "I'm sorry of what happened to your new ally" said Longo. "Someone did set it up... I tried shooting one of your tires and reduce your speed...but I shot a bloody raccoon instead. I've been investigating these murders for quite sometime...ever since the death of G-Man" "Well, do you know who's planning these assassinations on us?" said Daniel, with a curious look on his face. "I've not figure this out" replied Longo, while stroking his chin fur. "Whoever is doing these assassinations, has it all planned out in some sort of a pattern." Longo pulls out a folder that reads, "Gory Revolutionaries." "I found this folder at one of the murders, Daniel. It's pretty graphic, but some of these members I don't recognize. May you take a look for anyone you can recognize?" Daniel opens the folder to look at pictures of the victims. "What the fuck, Longo? There's bunch of porn in here." "Umm...that's the uh...murderer's" replied Longo nervously.

Daniel ignored the sticky pornographic material and continued to search the folder for any evidence that may help his lead. "StalfrosCC died?" Daniel questioning himself. After a few pictures more, Daniel saw a photo that gave him such a shock. The photo was no other than...

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De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 7967

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Obviously, any likeness between this hermaphroditic "De-Ting" character and me is completely coincidental. >_>
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danielrbischoff



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had to keep some part of Wes's contribution alive.
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