More Reviews
REVIEWS Little Battlers eXperience Review
Tiny robots fighting for prizes is better than pocket monsters fighting, right? Right?

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Review
The final chapter of Metal Gear is here, and it's everything you hoped it would be and more.
More Previews
PREVIEWS Supernova Preview
Primal Game Studios has tuned Supernova since last I saw it, with more commanders, special abilities, and a faster pace.
Release Dates
NEW RELEASES Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Release date: Out Now

Destiny: The Taken King
Release date: 09/15/15

Skylanders SuperChargers
Release date: 09/20/15

LEGO Dimensions
Release date: 09/27/15


LATEST FEATURES MGSV: The Phantom Pain De-Emphasizes Story and It Works
Actually playing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain is the best part of the game, which may be a first for the series.

Kojima Responds To Konami By Placing More Than 60 Credit Screens In MGSV: The Phantom Pain
Made by Hideo Kojima. Written by Hideo Kojima. Produced by Hideo Kojima. Created by Hideo Kojima. Directed by Hideo Kojima...

LEADERBOARD
Read More Member Blogs
FEATURED VOXPOP Ivory_Soul
Windows 10 Review for Dummies
By Ivory_Soul
Posted on 08/11/15
After all these years, and growing up with Windows 3.1, I have seen an entire evolution of computers and software. Touch screens and large resolutions were a pipe dream just 15 years ago. Now it's the norm. Going from a Packard Bell (yes, before HP) that couldn't run 3D Ultra Mini...

 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   SmartFeedSmartFeed   RegisterRegister   ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
What makes you tic?

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Game Revolution Forum Index -> Misc
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 8243

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:13 am    Post subject: What makes you tic? Reply with quote

Judge this dialog from my book:

"Boss, what makes you tic?"

"...Money...the ladies."

"Yes...good, but boss, what makes you tic?"

"Piles of gold...enough to lie in."

"Gold is nice, but you wouldn't eat it."

"No...I'd prefer a golden goose. Hmph, how about that, Fontano?"

"Oh I'd never eat a golden goose, boss."

"Yeah, not under these conditions, for sure. Maybe bourbelier--"

"Boss, food is fleeting."

"What can you eat that isn't food? You mock me, Fontano?"

"Never, boss. If you could reach over here and strike me, it would be your pleasure, just like old times."

"Then do me a favor and strike yourself for me, square on the nose."

"Yes, good, boss. What else?"

"While you're at it, wring your neck til you're red. Then maybe the guards will come down here and flog you again for faking ill."

"Wouldn't you like to flog someone yourself, boss?"

"Other than you? Yeah...that little...brat."

"Yes. This is all her fault, boss."

"Little rat...running off with my fetcher. I'd flog 'em both."

"You'd do more, boss."

"You're right. I'd whip 'em til both my arms fell off."

"Yes. What else?"

"I'd skin them and use their hides as money bags."

"You've done worse, boss."

"Gah, I'd kill the one and feed them to the other."

"Worse."

"...I'd burn them first, then throw them in the river."

"Worse!"

"I'd chain them up to boulders and roll them down a mountain! I'd defile their parents' graves and throw them in there with them! I would rather I never see another speck of gold than let them live without paying a drop of blood for what they've reduced me to! I am the King of Thieves!"

"Boss, what makes you tic?"

"Revenge, Fontano. Sweet, sweet revenge."

"You will savor it, boss."


Last edited by De-Ting on Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:34 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
used44



Joined: 08 Mar 2002
Posts: 21315

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good stuff. Is it for a graphic novel? Otherwise, the string of dialogue without any context blended in is unsettling and a little tough to follow.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Bretimus_v2
The Japazillian Dynasty


Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 10494

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like it. The way he keeps him talking, gets past the superficial and to the heart of it. But I agree, as is it needs something else to help distinguish the two voices and add more setting.

Would read more.
_________________
It's okay to just have fun sometimes.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
WickedLiquid
In Limbo


Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 7308

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I smell a GR crossover. Have you messaged Master Craig for character sketch ideas?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
Posts: 2427

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's a pretty cool example, De-Ting. Can I ask what kind of story you're writing?
_________________
Check out GameRevolution's weekly web comic "GR Strips" - http://www.gamerevolution.com/comics/

Maybe you could totally also check out my web comic "Reckless Abandon" - http://racomic.blogspot.com.au
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 8243

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a medieval/renaissance fantasy about a witch and a witch hunter. Left to my own devices, it's just a novel with a few illustrations. A graphic novel and even a movie are two things I really hope come from it, but I still have a lot of work to do.

I find it easiest to outline a situation, write the dialog, and then add context.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
Posts: 2427

PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good luck with it man, that sounds great.

I do very similar. I find it much easier to outline a situation and add random dialogue, then add more to it (the context) much later. I find it easier to write about a "scene" instead of a "story" if that makes sense.
_________________
Check out GameRevolution's weekly web comic "GR Strips" - http://www.gamerevolution.com/comics/

Maybe you could totally also check out my web comic "Reckless Abandon" - http://racomic.blogspot.com.au
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12796

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Never read a teaser for a book before. Sounds compelling!

I was confused though, because in my country flog means "to sell" more commonly than the other meaning!
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 8243

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MattAY wrote:
Never read a teaser for a book before. Sounds compelling!

I was confused though, because in my country flog means "to sell" more commonly than the other meaning!

He flogs and he flogs. He's the King of Thieves.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
WickedLiquid
In Limbo


Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 7308

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Matt, you don't even wanna know what "fag" means here...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12796

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha yeah, smokers get mistaken for homosexuals all the damn time in this country!

Our lingo is just a bit stupid is all!

So how long until it's finished Tingy? Or is it done already?!
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Master_Craig
i liek to draw pictures


Joined: 02 Jul 2006
Posts: 2427

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Flog" in Australia can mean one of three things.

Either beating the crap out of someone, e.g. "I'm gonna flog that guy."

It can also mean theft, e.g. "He flogged off with the money."

Or, no joke, wanking, e.g. masturbating.

"I caught him flogging off again!"

MOST of the time people use it in the first form.
_________________
Check out GameRevolution's weekly web comic "GR Strips" - http://www.gamerevolution.com/comics/

Maybe you could totally also check out my web comic "Reckless Abandon" - http://racomic.blogspot.com.au
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 8243

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MattAY wrote:
So how long until it's finished Tingy? Or is it done already?!

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12796

PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
UrbanMasque
Don't Feed Him


Joined: 16 May 2007
Posts: 6805

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 11:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish I knew the situation before I read the conversation. Not knowing what was going on it seemed like an old school comedy scene. Knowing context I'm def interested in reading more.
_________________
Shaft wrote:
I let her come up with the safe word...thats about it

De-Ting wrote:
One-on-one brings out the true nazi in people.

WickedLiquid wrote:
Today I got a restraining order from John Stamos.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Game Revolution Forum Index -> Misc All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Page 1 of 1
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum