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Airport Security
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The TSA...
wears blue shirts
14%
 14%  [ 2 ]
are all dicks
42%
 42%  [ 6 ]
work hard to protect traveling citizens
7%
 7%  [ 1 ]
were just doing their job. Jeez.
35%
 35%  [ 5 ]
Total Votes : 14

Author Message
danielrbischoff



Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 8888

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:47 am    Post subject: Airport Security Reply with quote

You make me take my shoes off, I'm going to take my fucking time putting them back on. I put all my valuables and shit in your stupid little tray, you don't move it when it comes out the other side of your radiation box.

Seriously, back off mother fucker! I'm not a problem, neither is the indian guy behind me. Why does your whole mood change just because a brown guy shows up?
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Sourdeez
Does it use DX12?!?


Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Posts: 2055

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Because they are trained that way.

And because its not really about protecting you. Its about giving the appearance of protection while conditioning you for submission.

Its why even politicians that believe in the constitution like Ron Paul get detained at the TSA even though they know he is not a terrorist.
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MattAY
Posh B**tard


Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 12282

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How the hell did you not get the rubber glove, Daniel?!

When I went to Seattle, I experienced US airport security. It was full on compared to what were used to. We had an interview and everything, and had to go in that magic box where you can see us naked apparently. And because I was wearing a hoody, which revealed a black blob (what they look for so I hear) I had to have a big black dude feel me up...and not in a good way.

My worst experience was when I went to Australia. At the transfer flight in Hong Kong, I got stopped because they scanned my diabetic needles. And when I offered them my doctor's note, they decided to escort me round the back!! I was with my girlfriend at the time, and they questioned her. All whilst I was being watched closely by some big dude in a chair. After about 20 minutes of thinking I was actually going to experience some sort of Hong Kong jail...we were told, "you're good to go".

Assholes.
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Green_Lantern
Spacecataz


Joined: 06 Nov 2008
Posts: 5250

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Never had an issue going through airport security.


Go Go Whitey!
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cyberjim2000
Forum Bum


Joined: 28 Feb 2010
Posts: 1809

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Daniel, you have been randomly selected for additional screening. Glory to Arstotzka!
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Sourdeez
Does it use DX12?!?


Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Posts: 2055

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for low quality.
http://youtu.be/tfka4UcSQzk

"Mind if I touch your balls sir? I'm going to need to check your asshole."


:Edit: Better quality.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/410445/mind-if-i-touch-your-balls-sir
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Longo_2_guns
Ruler of the Queen's Navy


Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Posts: 15928

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Green_Lantern wrote:
Never had an issue going through airport security.


Go Go Whitey!

Pretty much this. It pays to be a happy looking white guy.

My dad always gets stopped, though. AAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS.


And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!
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C_nate



Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 679

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

When my son was still a toddler, we flew to Virgina for a wedding. I almost never fly at all so I wasn't up on all the rules and regulations of the new TSA. They treated his formula like it was radioactive material. They had me step out of line and made me take the bottle out. I was going to hand it to them and they nearly freaked out. No, I also had to open the bottle and hold it while they tested it with some strip of paper to make sure it wasn't some toxic substance. Then they told me what a huge favor they were doing me letting me bring it on the place since they don't usually allow liquid over a certain oz. amount on the plane. Gee, thanks so much assholes.

There was also another time I had to fly to Florida for something work related. Back then I used to smoke these little cigars and after I checked my bag, I went out for a smoke. Little did i know I had broken some huge protocol of leaving the airport after I checked in and tried to reenter. So I almost missed my flight because they were going apeshit about it.

It's like their jobs are so mundane that any tiny variance out of the normal routine just excites the ever living hell out of them . It makes their day when they get to fuck with people.
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Green_Lantern
Spacecataz


Joined: 06 Nov 2008
Posts: 5250

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

C_nate wrote:


There was also another time I had to fly to Florida for something work related. Back then I used to smoke these little cigars and after I checked my bag, I went out for a smoke. Little did i know I had broken some huge protocol of leaving the airport after I checked in and tried to reenter. So I almost missed my flight because they were going apeshit about it.



That's really not a big deal, you just have to go through security again.
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De-Ting
Formerly Known as Prince


Joined: 11 Nov 2006
Posts: 7951

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those machines decided they have a problem with my cargo shorts. I get a pat down almost every time.
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used44



Joined: 08 Mar 2002
Posts: 20800

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Airports and flying in general can be a pretty miserable experience, but I haven't had too much trouble with the TSA or security in particular. Except, I guess, for the customs security in Miami when re-entering the country. Their whole thing is being super aggressive so that you get flustered and say anything that differs from your paperwork. It's pretty rude.
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danielrbischoff



Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Posts: 8888

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sourdeez wrote:
conditioning you for submission

I thought they were doing that with all the shit they put in our cereal?
Longo_2_guns wrote:
And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!

I got all cleaned up for this press junket! No room for a bomb in this beard.

Matt and C_nate's stories sound like the S in TSA stands for Sadists.
used44 wrote:
Their whole thing is being super aggressive so that you get flustered and say anything that differs from your paperwork.

I just withhold as much as possible, feign like I'm tired from the flight and mope my way through.
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used44



Joined: 08 Mar 2002
Posts: 20800

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Me: "We're coming back from Costa Rica. I was with my girlfriend's family." *points back*

Miami Customs: "ARE YOU STUDENTS?!"

Me: "What, no. Like, vacation."

MC: "ARE YOU A STUDY GROUP?"

Me: "What."
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Bretimus_v2
The Japazillian Dynasty


Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 9805

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:40 pm    Post subject: Re: Airport Security Reply with quote

danielrbischoff wrote:
Why does your whole mood change just because a brown guy shows up?


I know right? Where my brown peoples at?
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Eyebrowsbv31
xXRaNd_PaUl_420Xx


Joined: 24 Nov 2005
Posts: 2832

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got checked all four times I've been on a plane post 9/11. New York TSA unpacked all my stuff.


So go beardless whitey?
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Longo_2_guns
Ruler of the Queen's Navy


Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Posts: 15928

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

danielrbischoff wrote:
Longo_2_guns wrote:
And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!

I got all cleaned up for this press junket! No room for a bomb in this beard.

...Bullshit.

And I think I'm never checked because I travel so much, so I look at place in an airport. Plus, I look like a hippy.
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madster111
The Original Pie Lover


Joined: 04 Jun 2006
Posts: 6288

PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

American airport security is a fucking joke.

Australian here, who flew on September 13th 2002 in cali and sometime in march 2006.
From what i've heard, it's only gotten worse.
Which is a pretty special achievement, because all the times i flew in/out of the US, the security people were a bunch of absolute CUNTS.
This is despite the fact that every time i flew in/out of the US, i was a kid and was with my family. My white family with white sounding names who spoke better english than the majority of the airport staff.

It's insane the difference between Aus security and US security. Even our busiest airport, Sydney, has people that at least fucking smile and don't look at you like you're a fucking prey animal out for revenge. The security takes a good 1/3rd, sometimes even 1/4th of the time of the US airports, despite being almost as busy as Miami airport.

Every time i flew back from the US to Sydney, the sheer pleasure from being greeted with a smile, happy and fast security people. Even at 11pm after they've worked all day and ain't got no more smiles, they're fast and not complete assholes.
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Green_Lantern
Spacecataz


Joined: 06 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seriously never had an issue coming back to the States after coming from Australia.
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GiftedMonkey
Very Special Forces


Joined: 10 Jul 2001
Posts: 4853

PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like Facebook layout changes, having to walk short distances across a parking lot, and Justin Beiber, airport security is one of those things that people just LOVE to complain about despite the fact that really isn't a big deal at all.

Get there an hour before your flight leaves, put your liquids together in a ziplock, don't have liquids over 3 oz. in your carry-ons, take off your shoes and belt while you're waiting in line for the metal detector. Worried about cancer from the x-ray machine? Request a pat down. Nobody is going to "touch your junk." Worried about your civil liberties being eroded? Fuckin' drive to your destination. Nobody is making you fly anywhere, ya big babies.
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madster111
The Original Pie Lover


Joined: 04 Jun 2006
Posts: 6288

PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

GiftedMonkey wrote:
Worried about your civil liberties being eroded? Fuckin' drive to your destination. Nobody is making you fly anywhere, ya big babies.

Worried about your cell phone being monitored?
Just don't have one.

Worried about being shot in certain places?
Just don't wear red or blue.

Not like it's a big deal. You can just drive from Sydney to LA, right?
It's only a 2 week boat trip.
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