From: "Dr. Kaiser Khan"
Subject: ???
Hello:
Im a regular reader of game-revolution.com, even base 
my game-buying on your reviews.... Just called to say 
that a sentence in your "hercules 3d prophet 4500" review 
hurt my feelings... "Tribes 2 is a total nightmare. With 
all in-game properties set to ¼ their full capacity, the 
4500 had an unsuccessful time trying to convince the 
controversial Tribes 2 to show a little leg. Even with 
the scaled-down settings, the game was about as visually 
revealing as a devout Muslim wife." Im a muslim myself...

What's your point?

Since when does not wearing suggestive or revealing clothing become offensive? The point is that the woman in our review was devout in her faith (and that the video card is called the Prophet). What free-spirited exhibitionist muslim women have you been hangin' out with?

Wait don't answer that! Just give them our phone number.

-GR

P.S. KHAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

From: "Ghost" 
Subject: Ok Ps2 starts having good games next pigs will fly...
Wow maybe i should wait for the consoles to come out.
Yo its just out of curiousity i am asking this but you 
have been working extremely hard 
In simple words keep up the good works.
And last question are you guys going to write an article 
like the one you did for PS2 where you stayed outside the 
store night before the Ps2 and reported on it.Are you going 
to do this for the xbox and gamecube?
Ghost

Yes, it's finally a good time to be a PS2 geek. Twisted Metal: Black, NBA Street and Monkey Island are just the beginning of good things to come for the controversial next-gen giant.

So to all you none believers out there, expect to see flying swine, cows returning home, fat-ladies singing, and ice-skating in hell.

As for waiting out all night in the rain for a console, we really, really hope it doesn't come to that. We're hoping that Microsoft and Nintendo are smart enough to actually manufacture enough systems.

If it becomes necessary, we plan to just send Shawn, our absentee editor from last year's all night fiasco. The rest of the editors here would hate to horde such "fun" all for themselves.

From: "Neko" 
Subject: The Rhapsody RPG review stunk!
I do not think that rhapsody is boring! It is romatic and the BEST RPG
game out there. That grade deserves an A+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have any flames or comments email me again!

We sang a nice response for you, in honor of your love for this "stellar," musical game. But since you couldn't hear us and the entire audio file is much too large, we decided to just give you the chorus.

Enjoy!

-GR

From: "???" (****&aol.com)
Subject: let me tell you how cool you people are!
First of all you actually answer all the crap mail. Second, 
your wasting you "precious" time. Third, you Nintendo game 
freaks are really gay. And don't give me that "then why are 
you e-mailing us, and why are you visiting our website" shit. 
Well, you are making stupid websites ruining all of you 
computer genius by constructing Nintendo game sites, when 
you could put you talents into making a "useful" web site. 
So could you please answer me that? 
Sincerely, 
A person who has a life.

We don't actually answer all the mail. Just the ones that are easy to make fun of.

-GR

From: "Fry" 
Subject: hi
hey i really like your web site, i think its great and 
its very reliable for new info and i just have a few 
questions: 1] Have you heard anything about Aliens: 
colonial Marines for the PS2 i just read about it in 
my issue of PSM and i am stoked. 2] which was the best 
alien movies 1,2,3?. 3] i write reviews for a game site 
caled www.gamingwisdom.com and i was wondering do you 
guys at GR think i have any talent at this because i 
think this would be a great career. and at last 4] what 
r some of the snack items in your Game revolution vending 
machine of evil?  Thnx for the time of reading this and 
i hope to hear from you soon,
-Fry-

1) You've picked a good one. Check Six Games, an amalgamated crew of PC developers known for their work on Interstate '76 and Heavy Gear 2 is working on this very promising title.

Aliens: Colonial Marines is a 1st-person squad-based military action game. Players will play Lt. Joseph Henry, who is put in command of the most incompetent platoon of Marines as punishment. When ordered to investigate a toxic waste dump on planet LV246 (the setting from the second Aliens film), he discovers the Aliens.

Click here and here for a couple screenshots.

Keep your browsers tuned to our Previews section for more information regarding this amazing looking title.

2) Well, it sure as hell wasn't the third movie.

3) Work hard. Writing video game reviews is a terrific career that will keep you surrounded by loads of beautiful women.

4) Oh, you know, the usual... Broken-glass-chip-cookies, Crunchy Frog, Circus Peanuts...

-GR