From: "Jeff Thomas"
Subject: YOUR SITE
I review gaming sites and have to say this is not that 
good. It's not updated and plenty of info is left out. 
Your site will not be reviewed to the public.

Hi Jeff,

Wait...GR will not be reviewed to the public? You don't review things that suck? Some reviewer you are.

We've spent the last 5 years diligently reviewing crap, and we've found it to be rewarding, entertaining and action-packed. If we didn't review games that sucked, we'd have about 30 reviews up on the site.

But what do you care, Mr. Picky. Go back to your critique of Game Gerbil and let us continue to run our unworthy site in peace.

- GR

From: "****@aol.com" 
Subject: this site rocks
Hey who ever this is really sucks at rating games and 
doesnt no anything about ps2.ps2 is the best system and 
cought the hearts of many players other wise why would 
it be the top gameing system fag.You got alot to learn. 
write back from some game freak

Hey some game freak,

"We got a lot to learn." True. But we also have a lot to teach, such as proper spelling and grammar, or at least using the little 'spellcheck' option in Word. Sheesh.

Not really sure why you think we hate the PS2. Games like SSX, Twisted Metal Black, NBA Street, Armored Core 2 and Madden all received excellent reviews. We all own PS2s. We're eagerly anticipating games like GTA 3 and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3.

In fact, Ben's desk is littered with pictures of him and his PS2 enjoying their first Christmas together. And Brian swears he was able to convince his PS2 to be photographed in the nude. He's got the hickies to prove it!

-GR

From: "Adam D."
Subject: Is there a prize?
Dear Spammakers,
Is there a prize for collecting the most Game Revolution News issues?
I have already collected 33 isues. PLEASE REPLY!!!!!!! 

Congratulations Adam,

There most assuredly is a prize for collecting the most newsletters and you, my friend, have won that very prize!

For collecting 33 issues (over 6 months worth) of Spam Revolution, you will receive directly from the esteemed Game Revolution, 1 (one) limited edition, never-before-seen die-cut, embossed and signed copy of Spam Revolution #112, which will arrive in your inbox this Friday! (die-cutting, embossing and signing sold separately)

- GR

From: "aaron" 
Subject: xbox
hey my name is aaron.... i found out some..interesting 
info about the xbox that could be a downside. the wieght 
of the xbox is 212 lbs. and 13" x 11"(inches)!!!!! 
thats crazy. u should post that!;) later. peace
--aaron

Dear Aaron,

Wow, that is crazy! Infact, it's so crazy that we're gonna go out on a limb and say that it's absolutely untrue.

Weighing 212 pounds would mean that the Xbox weighs more than any one editor at Game Revolution. That's one fat-assed, obese gaming console.

On the other hand...maybe it is true. Think about it - if Microsoft makes a overweight console, then they can sell you the Microsoft Xbox Sidecar Rolling Carrying Case, which attaches easily to most motorcycles.

Or for those of you watching your figure, try the Microsoft Xbox Survival Weight Bar. Have a friend with an Xbox? Then invite him over and place one console on either end of the bar for 424 pounds of wonderful weightlifting fun! You'll have that girlish figure back in no time!

-GR

From: "Anatole" 
Subject: A question (whoopee)
Before I start off, let me say that I enjoy your reviews, 
enjoy your writing, and hate your page design. Hey, 2 outta 
3 ain't bad.
I just have a simple question. With so many sites resorting 
to obscene amounts of intrusive advertising via Java & XML, 
or forcing sitegoers to pay for "premium" content, or even 
shutting down entirely due to the so-called Internet collapse, 
how does GR manage to stay free with nothing more unreasonable 
than a simple standard banner? I mean, this flew fine in 1997, 
but how do you guys keep it free and real?
(I know this kind of question is just asking for a patented GR 
Smart Assed answer involving Shawn and some compromising photographs, 
but seriously, how, man?)
--- The Angry Gamer From Texas

Hi Anatole,

Shawn's ass isn't that smart, so we turned to his head. Then we asked the other GR heads, and got all kinds of neat answers.

How do we do it? How does GR manage to stay away from annoying pop-up hell and payment options?

Two words: Diamond Smuggling.

But the diamond smuggling business is sort of on again, off again. We manage to keep GR up largely by saving our money for times of drought, sorta like right now. We understand that our single most important commodity is the readership. Pissing you guys off by slamming your browser with retarded ad gimmickry will probably backfire, as it has for most other sites.

That's not to say that we're above slimeball tactics. Sooner or later, you might in fact see a pop-up here or there or some other equally annoying money-making scheme. But rest assured that we will only do this if we really have to and will do our damndest to make it as unintrusive and pleasant as possible.

And if all else fails, two more words: Tax Fraud.

-GR