180 Energy Drink Taste Test Round-Up
Posted on Monday, August 4 @ 15:53:35 PST by Blake_MorseWell, folks, Duke is outta town on vacation this week, and it's up to us remaining grunts at the compound to come up with something to fill the void in the meantime. It's Monday and as such, our brains aren't really firing on all cylinders right now. But what better way to get our synapses rolling than with a refreshing, (in some cases) tasty beverage from our friends at 180 Energy Drinks.
We received some product samples a while ago in the mail and I thought now would be a perfect time to give them the taste test, especially since there were three hard-working gamers trying to struggle through weekend hangovers. (Real reason: there were three flavors to choose from). We each took a can, drank its contents, and let some time pass by to see how we would be effected, if at all by the guarana, sugar, and in my case, Goji(?). I now present you with the results of our little experiment. You can check out their other flavors at 180.com.
Chris: Blue With Acai
Despite the false-advertising fact that the counter-cleaner-blue can actually contains a drink closer to the color of Night Train Brand Transmission Fluid, the so-called “180 Blue with Acai” energy drink boasts a demure floral bouquet, followed by a tangy berry attack, a long finish with just a flourish of applewood—and a final, apoplectic energy ramp-up of day-long jitters culminating in increasingly-rampant keystroke errors, involuntary tumescence and/or a massive, fatal cardiac ‘incident.’
Rating: 4 out of 5 defibrillators.
Blake: Red with Goji
First of all, I have no idea what the hell a goji is or if it's something I should be drinking before trying this out. But we never learn anything without being adventurous. Of course, we sometimes pay for such crimes with something that tastes horrible. The first step was to find out what Goji was and why I'd want to drink it. Turns out it's a berry that is supposedly "believed to enhance immune system function, improve eyesight, protect the liver, boost sperm production and improve circulation, among other effects."
After all the partying and drinking I do, I'm sure my liver could use a little help, and I can always drink more Mountain Dew later to shoot down that sperm count (trust me, you don't want any more little Blakes running around). I poured out my can into a pint glass, sure enough, it was red. I thought to myself, "Cool, at least it kind of looks like blood if anything."
As I drank my quasi-plasma concoction like a spooky vampire, I realized I might have picked the runt of the litter. The initial taste is like that of a sour green apple, and once the aftertaste hit, my face crinkled in disgust. It was as if I had just put a carton of rotting cranberries in my mouth and washed it down with sour milk. Obviously, they had picked function over flavor when creating this particular juice.
The potion managed to do its job well, though, and took effect rapidly. I could feel my heart rate increase and my eyes pop open within the first ten minutes of consumption. While 180 Red with Goji gets the job done, its flavor leaves a lot to be desired. I've had my fair share of energy drinks and as far as I'm concerned, I'm sticking with Brawndo for now. While the supposed benefits of these little red berries sound great, they're just not enough to keep me drinking this crap. Sorry Goji.
Rating: 2 out of 10 on the crystal meth scale.
Nick: Orange Citrus Blast
This tastes exactly like the carbonated blood of a crackhead that's also addicted to hours-in-the-sun Sunkist and corroded Flintstone vitamins. Containing exactly no fruit juice but 100% of Vitamins C, B6, and B12, it can substitute for a night geek's Vitamin Water, if only a-Red-Bull-sized 8.2 fluid ounces of it. With 30 grams of high fructose corn syrup (which turns directly into body fat) and guarana (more than doubly potent than caffeine), Orange Citrus Blast 180 Energy Drink is just like every other energy drink on the shelf except a little more tangy and a little more made-by-Amheuser-Busch-Inc. blahness. (And after just thirty minutes, IthinkI'mgoingtoofast.)
Rating: 2.25 out of 5 black dudes that gotta have theyz orange sodaz.
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