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Batter Up!

Posted on Thursday, August 31 @ 18:34:32 PST by Joe_Dodson
If only video games were everything anti-gaming activists made them out to be.

Recently, Jayne Hitchcock, president of Working to Halt Online Abuse and their Kids/Teens Division (WHACKD) and self proclaimed "Internet Expert" (now there's an oxymoron) flapped her yapper in a press release explaining how Rockstar's upcoming Bully would turn America's school children into violent thugs. It's all stuff you've heard before, but what struck me about Jayne's comments was how much better the world would be if she were right.

For instance, Jayne says "There is a tremendous probability that this new game will send out twisted messages, possibly even influence victims of bullying to resort to violence as a means of defense." If video games taught nerds to stand up for themselves, bullies would be out of a job. But they don't. I've killed every living thing in multiple imaginary galaxies, yet I never tried busting a shoryuken in the face of a teenage neanderthal. Just ask my therapist.

I never tried smacking one with a baseball bat, either, but according to Jayne, such a scenario is on deck: "How long will it be before we hear on the news about a victim of bullies who is inspired by the new game and retaliates using a baseball bat?" Um, wouldn't that be an improvement? I mean, how are you supposed to smuggle a Louisville Slugger into a classroom in the first place? And if you did, how long would it take to get the damn thing out of your pants leg?

If, after Bully came out, nerds and wimps started getting into good old-fashioned fistfights and the crazies packed Louisville Sluggers instead of Smith & Wessons, Rockstar would deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. Just in case, I'm going to start practicing my Shoryuken right now.

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