Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: "Nathan Hayman" (***@nathansmail.com)
Subject: what the hell was that ....
sweet mersible crap people. THAT mail bag plain suxed,
no sarcastic remarks, some but not as much idiocy as
ive come to love from everyone, and erm elf wizrd on
level 5, for one he was talking about video games not
some screwed up Dungeons and dragons table top. And im
sorry but ummm some people like to waste there money on
new video cards and ETC. partially because sometimes
they make money while working with computers. And you
"miranda march" says "prioritized above, say,
food" ..... ummm if we didnt buy food to survive how could
we possibly be on the computer. and "i had just had to
kill the alien that
attacked my ship on the planet Zorba" man where the hell
you come up with this stuff thats almost as cheezy as
star trek. i mean seriously dont you have anything better
to do then write a huge ass mother letter complaining
about guys because we like "video games". so mabye we do
but what makes u think men like the fact of
"certain lipstick matches a particular toe nail polish".
O and before u get the idea to say well doesnt this kid
have anything better to do then write a letter i will say
this "no i dont actually im waiting for my friends to get
back with a few games". "dewi decimal system" .... man ur
pulling out your entire dictionary of craptacular words
today arent we. 60 $ for Tomb Raider ha ha ha you wouldnt
catch me dead paying 60$ for that crap and when the movie
comes out i wont even spend 8$ to see a hot chick on the
big screen. And then again we head back to saying we spend
to much money on games and computer parts you say this
"$200 cashmere sweater" .... wow i could but almost 4 games
with that much cash so if we pull out 60$ here and there
for a game once and awhile thats not wrong according to you
60$ is a waste for a game which is entertaining while 200$
for a cashmere sweater which is kinda like a game, good for
awhile then well u go buy another. no offense but im guessing
half the poo in ur letter about "we dont like" well u dont
have to like it we dont force you to and another thing half
that stuff is probably made up but eh were all titled to our
uninformed opiniongs (kinda like IGN dont ya say)
Nathan Hayman (ugh that was typing hell but then again it was
worth it writing crap is fun)
NATHAN HAYMAN :í¯Â¿Â½
Wow! You, er, we gaming nerds
can be a little touchy when it comes to someone insulting your, er,
our favorite pastime. Must be the years of scorn, neglect and missed
Saving Throws Vs. "Cool."
But thanks for defending
us against the evil Mrs. March. Geeks aren't all bad - at least Miranda
better hope they aren't. She did marry one, after all.
Besides, gamers make better
husbands than you'd think. I mean, would you rather be married to one
of us or one
of these guys?
When Princesses Go Bad
From: "???" (***@aol.com)
Subject: Why did they change?
I just first got my computer 2 months ago and didn't know where
i could get good video game tips, reveiws, and codes.Then
somebody in a chat room told me about you guys. since then I
haven't been to another video game website. Anyway, my question
(not to sound corny,just curius) why did they change the names
years ago on the Mario games. Like Princess Toadstool became
Princess Peach. And Koopa is now Bowser. How come Luigi is not
in his games anymore?
Thanks for the help.
Ah yes, we too know this
strumpet who poses as royalty. She's wanted by every law enforcement
agency from Klendathu to Britannia. We
don't think Nintendo changed her name - we think she's doing it to avoid
the long arm of the law.
We checked the GR criminal
databse and came up with this dossier:
The Terror of
Suffers from acute Schizoid personality disorders, including Multiple
Personality Syndrome. Obsessive/Compulsive behavior triggered
by irrational love of Italians and a pronounced fear of turtles.
Last seen in Paper Mario. Current location unknown.
If you see her in your area,
contact your local authorities. DO NOT try to capture this harlot alone,
as she may be armed and dangerous.
Party Over Here!
From: "???" (***@ameritech.net)
you guys suck open *ss cause you never f***ing update your page.
other sites update daily with interesting news and all you can
muster are a few crappy ass reviews a couple times a month. does
no company like you enough to send you sh*t to review or are you
all just a bunch of lazy, scat smelling fecalpheliacs?
No really, don't hold back.
Tell us how you really feel. Youch.
Actually, we update GR several
times a day. You'll always find new downloads, news items and cheats
every single day, except weekends. We do get a few days off.
"...reviews a couple
of times a month." Err, I guess that's true if 30 is considered
a couple. We routinely publish about 6 reviews each week. In fact, we
did some math in one of our recent newsletters (Spam Revolution #85)
and discovered that we reviewed 394 games in the year 2000. In case
you can't count, that's more than one a day.
Given, every week isn't going
to be great. Last week was admittedly a bit slow...but this was because
kidnapped Ben and Shawn caught Solid Snake's cold.
this week we'll do some work.
Reading Isn't Always Good For You!
From: "A Town" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: please post this on your website
(i have never been on a website before)
i have some questions for the game-revolution dealy thing
people have you guys ever ada wong?how does the dinosaurs
in dino crisis 2(gigantosaurus and t rex)get across the water?
Is the person who plays the voice of cliare(alyson court)the
same person on the big comfy couch? And for those elf people
who have been mailing evles suck expect in golden axe.
There. We posted this on
our website. Now NEVER EVER write to us again.
I Think I Can! I Think I Can!
From: Adrian Pedrin (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: video games
hey guys love the work keep it up!! i was just wondering
i you could help me, i want to work in the video game
bussines and i want to star learning early , were can i
fin in the internet sites that have free tools just enough
to make the simplest game.
and also sieng as thou im just starting and i dont know
anything could you point me in the direcction fo a website
ora book to were i could learn about this stuff??
So you want to be a game
designer but you can barely program your VCR? Never fear, GR's here
To begin, start taking scores
of Computer Science classes at your local junior college. Every artist
needs his tools, and understanding commmon programming languages is
essential to eventually developing a game.
But for more general information
on game design, we recommend a series of books titled Game
Design: Secrets of the Sages, edited and compiled by Marc Saltzman.
The two books in the series offer rare insight into the world of game
developement with tons of interviews and excerpts from the masters of
the trade. Good stuff.
Just remember that we own
the rights to any game you make that was born out of this idea.