GR Mailbag: All Your Mail Are Belong To Us

From: "Nathan Hayman" (***@nathansmail.com)
Subject: what the hell was that ....
sweet mersible crap people. THAT mail bag plain suxed, 
no sarcastic remarks, some but not as much idiocy as 
ive come to love from everyone, and erm elf wizrd on 
level 5, for one he was talking about video games not 
some screwed up Dungeons and dragons table top. And im 
sorry but ummm some people like to waste there money on 
new video cards and ETC. partially because sometimes 
they make money while working with computers. And you 
"miranda march" says "prioritized above, say,
food" ..... ummm if we didnt buy food to survive how could 
we possibly be on the computer. and "i had just had to 
kill the alien that
attacked my ship on the planet Zorba" man where the hell 
you come up with this stuff thats almost as cheezy as 
star trek. i mean seriously dont you have anything better 
to do then write a huge ass mother letter complaining 
about guys because we like "video games". so mabye we do 
but what makes u think men like the fact of 
"certain lipstick matches a particular toe nail polish". 
O and before u get the idea to say well doesnt this kid 
have anything better to do then write a letter i will say 
this "no i dont actually im waiting for my friends to get 
back with a few games". "dewi decimal system" .... man ur 
pulling out your entire dictionary of craptacular words 
today arent we. 60 $ for Tomb Raider ha ha ha you wouldnt 
catch me dead paying 60$ for that crap and when the movie 
comes out i wont even spend 8$ to see a hot chick on the 
big screen. And then again we head back to saying we spend 
to much money on games and computer parts you say this 
"$200 cashmere sweater" .... wow i could but almost 4 games 
with that much cash so if we pull out 60$ here and there 
for a game once and awhile thats not wrong according to you 
60$ is a waste for a game which is entertaining while 200$ 
for a cashmere sweater which is kinda like a game, good for 
awhile then well u go buy another. no offense but im guessing 
half the poo in ur letter about "we dont like" well u dont 
have to like it we dont force you to and another thing half 
that stuff is probably made up but eh were all titled to our 
uninformed opiniongs (kinda like IGN dont ya say)
Nathan Hayman (ugh that was typing hell but then again it was 
worth it writing crap is fun)
--
NATHAN HAYMAN :í¯Â¿Â½

Wow! You, er, we gaming nerds can be a little touchy when it comes to someone insulting your, er, our favorite pastime. Must be the years of scorn, neglect and missed Saving Throws Vs. "Cool."

But thanks for defending us against the evil Mrs. March. Geeks aren't all bad - at least Miranda better hope they aren't. She did marry one, after all.

Besides, gamers make better husbands than you'd think. I mean, would you rather be married to one of us or one of these guys?

-GR

From: "???" (***@aol.com)
Subject: Why did they change?
Hi, 
I just first got my computer 2 months ago and didn't know where 
i could get good video game tips, reveiws, and codes.Then 
somebody in a chat room told me about you guys. since then I 
haven't been to another video game website. Anyway, my question 
(not to sound corny,just curius) why did they change the names 
years ago on the Mario games. Like Princess Toadstool became 
Princess Peach. And Koopa is now Bowser. How come Luigi is not 
in his games anymore? 
Thanks for the help. 

Ah yes, we too know this strumpet who poses as royalty. She's wanted by every law enforcement agency from Klendathu to Britannia. We don't think Nintendo changed her name - we think she's doing it to avoid the long arm of the law.

We checked the GR criminal databse and came up with this dossier:

Princess Peach

• Princess Toadstool
• The Terror of Hell's Kitchen
• Osama Binladen

Real Name: Margaret Rosenblum

Diagnosis: Suffers from acute Schizoid personality disorders, including Multiple Personality Syndrome. Obsessive/Compulsive behavior triggered by irrational love of Italians and a pronounced fear of turtles.

Whereabouts: Last seen in Paper Mario. Current location unknown.

If you see her in your area, contact your local authorities. DO NOT try to capture this harlot alone, as she may be armed and dangerous.

-GR

From: "???" (***@ameritech.net)
Subject: ???
you guys suck open *ss cause you never f***ing update your page. 
other sites update daily with interesting news and all you can 
muster are a few crappy ass reviews a couple times a month. does 
no company like you enough to send you sh*t to review or are you 
all just a bunch of lazy, scat smelling fecalpheliacs?

No really, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel. Youch.

Actually, we update GR several times a day. You'll always find new downloads, news items and cheats every single day, except weekends. We do get a few days off.

"...reviews a couple of times a month." Err, I guess that's true if 30 is considered a couple. We routinely publish about 6 reviews each week. In fact, we did some math in one of our recent newsletters (Spam Revolution #85) and discovered that we reviewed 394 games in the year 2000. In case you can't count, that's more than one a day.

Given, every week isn't going to be great. Last week was admittedly a bit slow...but this was because Microsoft kidnapped Ben and Shawn caught Solid Snake's cold.

We promise this week we'll do some work.

-GR

From: "A Town" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: please post this on your website
(i have never been on a website before)
i have some questions for the game-revolution dealy thing 
people have you guys ever ada wong?how does the dinosaurs 
in dino crisis 2(gigantosaurus and t rex)get across the water?
Is the person who plays the voice of cliare(alyson court)the 
same person on the big comfy couch? And for those elf people 
who have been mailing evles suck expect in golden axe.

There. We posted this on our website. Now NEVER EVER write to us again.

-GR

From: Adrian Pedrin (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: video games
Hello again!!!!
hey guys love the work keep it up!! i was just wondering 
i you could help me, i want to work in the video game 
bussines and i want to star learning early , were can i 
fin in the internet sites that have free tools just enough 
to make the simplest game. 
and also sieng as thou im just starting and i dont know 
anything could you point me in the direcction fo a website 
ora book to were i could learn about this stuff??
thanks

So you want to be a game designer but you can barely program your VCR? Never fear, GR's here to help.

To begin, start taking scores of Computer Science classes at your local junior college. Every artist needs his tools, and understanding commmon programming languages is essential to eventually developing a game.

But for more general information on game design, we recommend a series of books titled Game Design: Secrets of the Sages, edited and compiled by Marc Saltzman. The two books in the series offer rare insight into the world of game developement with tons of interviews and excerpts from the masters of the trade. Good stuff.

Just remember that we own the rights to any game you make that was born out of this idea.

-GR