Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
i read that a video gamer in the year 2999 will develop a
second thumb. Is there eny truth to this rumor?
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
The exact year for when that
extra thumb arrives has not yet been determined. But as Chuck D. (not
that Chuck D., this
Chuck D.) pointed out
several decades ago, we live in a world where the fittest survive and
natural selection is alive and kicking.
So of course, the fittest
to be naturally selected are the gamers. After all, nature favors those
who can easily adapt. And who bends, folds and contorts more than any
other group of people on the planet? Have you ever seen what you can
do with your legs when you've been lounging in front of the TV for 6
Plus, we're constantly required
to adapt to new gameplay methods and backwards game ideas like this.
Frankly, we can't wait! A
second thumb may help us hold that mammoth X-Box controller.
From: "Adrien Baumann"
Subject: creature of light
Were any of you athletic when you were a kid? And did any
of you squint when you went outside because it was bright
compared to your house because you sat around inside all day?
1. Were any of you athletic
when you were a kid?
Do sports video games count?
2. And did any of you squint
when you went outside because it was bright compared to your house because
you sat around inside all day?
Of course not. Now, what
is this "outside" you speak of? Is that like "Europe?"
Resistance Is Futile!
Subject: scattered galitxy
I can't believe SEGA canceled Shenmue 2 for Dreamcast, instead
it's going to be for Xbox, and I hate Microsoft!!!!!!! Is there
anything in the future for Dreamcast fans (like me) looking
forward to seeing Shenmue's sequal?
Hi Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Well, the next Virtua
Tennis game has to be the last on our list of Dreamcast hopefuls.
And the way things are going, we wouldn't be surprised to see that on
an Xbox or PS2.
Quick word to Dreamcast owners
who are clinging to some hallucinogenic idea that the DC is going to
produce more killer apps: you guys can lower the flag. We hate it too,
but the DC is soon to be dead in the water.
You guys could all write
Microsoft hate mail and Sega hope mail until there were no more trees
in the forests, and Sega would still be making games for the "enemy."
The thing is, Sega doesn't
see it that way, and we don't either. The company is simply trying to
position itself to make MONEY, something they did a pretty bad job of
when they were making Dreamcasts. And since the company also happens
to make tons of kick ass games, we're glad to see them spread the wealth
and continue cranking out software.
The Real Evil Empire!
y do u reply with dear unfortunate aol subscriber wenever
some1 who has aol sends mail to u guys?...thanx gr
Heya Unfortunate AOL Subscriber
It's simple really. We feel
bad for people who have AOL because, after years of study, we firmly
believe that AOL sucks.
Don't believe us?
Who Knows About Condition Zero?
From: "Curtis Seichter"
Did you guys know that they are coming out with a single
player game for counter strike and its not going to be a MOD?
Did we know about a single
player CS? Does Bin Laden know his goose is cooked? Does Cleo know
your innermost desire? Well, probably not. But of course
we knew about Counter-Strike: Condition Zero.
CS: Condition Zero
is to be a stand-alone retail product (hear that, all you mod owners?)
that adds a single player component to the enormously popular multiplayer
Condition Zero will
add more than a dozen new maps and some pretty cool new weapons, like
the Terrorist Molotov cocktail and the Counter-Terrorist gas grenade.
Those ought to clear a room rather nicely.
Other new weapons include
a FAMAS rifle (remember this one from Metal Gear Solid?) and
the Galil (an Israeli AK).
All of the new single player
features will act as additions to the multiplayer, and a new patch will
be released to update the current version of CS to make it compatible
with multiplayer CS: Condition Zero. But to play the single player
campaign, you will need to make the purchase. No, the price has not
been set yet.
Keep your eyes peeled for
more official GR Condition Zero articles. Until then you can
find a few screenshots here,
here and one more