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A Means to Disseminate Honest-to-God Leaks
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Posted on 02/02/15
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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: The Alpha 'Mail!'

Posted on Monday, October 22 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Six On The Fist
From: "***@aol.com"
Subject: re-evolution?
i read that a video gamer in the year 2999 will develop a 
second thumb. Is there eny truth to this rumor?

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

The exact year for when that extra thumb arrives has not yet been determined. But as Chuck D. (not that Chuck D., this Chuck D.) pointed out several decades ago, we live in a world where the fittest survive and natural selection is alive and kicking.

So of course, the fittest to be naturally selected are the gamers. After all, nature favors those who can easily adapt. And who bends, folds and contorts more than any other group of people on the planet? Have you ever seen what you can do with your legs when you've been lounging in front of the TV for 6 hours?

Plus, we're constantly required to adapt to new gameplay methods and backwards game ideas like this.

Frankly, we can't wait! A second thumb may help us hold that mammoth X-Box controller.

- GR

Cyber Athletes.
From: "Adrien Baumann"
Subject: creature of light Were any of you athletic when you were a kid? And did any of you squint when you went outside because it was bright compared to your house because you sat around inside all day?

Hi Adrienne,

1. Were any of you athletic when you were a kid?

Do sports video games count?

2. And did any of you squint when you went outside because it was bright compared to your house because you sat around inside all day?

Of course not. Now, what is this "outside" you speak of? Is that like "Europe?"

- GR

Resistance Is Futile!
From: "***@aol.com" 
Subject: scattered galitxy
I can't believe SEGA canceled Shenmue 2 for Dreamcast, instead 
it's going to be for Xbox, and I hate Microsoft!!!!!!! Is there 
anything in the future for Dreamcast fans (like me) looking 
forward to seeing Shenmue's sequal?

Hi Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Well, the next Virtua Tennis game has to be the last on our list of Dreamcast hopefuls. And the way things are going, we wouldn't be surprised to see that on an Xbox or PS2.

Quick word to Dreamcast owners who are clinging to some hallucinogenic idea that the DC is going to produce more killer apps: you guys can lower the flag. We hate it too, but the DC is soon to be dead in the water.

You guys could all write Microsoft hate mail and Sega hope mail until there were no more trees in the forests, and Sega would still be making games for the "enemy."

The thing is, Sega doesn't see it that way, and we don't either. The company is simply trying to position itself to make MONEY, something they did a pretty bad job of when they were making Dreamcasts. And since the company also happens to make tons of kick ass games, we're glad to see them spread the wealth and continue cranking out software.

- GR

The Real Evil Empire!
From: "***@aol.com"
Subject: y???
y do u reply with dear unfortunate aol subscriber wenever 
some1 who has aol sends mail to u guys?...thanx gr

Heya Unfortunate AOL Subscriber ,

It's simple really. We feel bad for people who have AOL because, after years of study, we firmly believe that AOL sucks. Don't believe us?

GR

Who Knows About Condition Zero?
From: "Curtis Seichter"
Subject: CS
Did you guys know that they are coming out with a single 
player game for counter strike and its not going to be a MOD?

Hi Curtis,

Did we know about a single player CS? Does Bin Laden know his goose is cooked? Does Cleo know your innermost desire? Well, probably not. But of course we knew about Counter-Strike: Condition Zero.

CS: Condition Zero is to be a stand-alone retail product (hear that, all you mod owners?) that adds a single player component to the enormously popular multiplayer giant Half-Life: Counter-Strike.

Condition Zero will add more than a dozen new maps and some pretty cool new weapons, like the Terrorist Molotov cocktail and the Counter-Terrorist gas grenade. Those ought to clear a room rather nicely.

Other new weapons include a FAMAS rifle (remember this one from Metal Gear Solid?) and the Galil (an Israeli AK).

All of the new single player features will act as additions to the multiplayer, and a new patch will be released to update the current version of CS to make it compatible with multiplayer CS: Condition Zero. But to play the single player campaign, you will need to make the purchase. No, the price has not been set yet.

Keep your eyes peeled for more official GR Condition Zero articles. Until then you can find a few screenshots here, here and one more here.

- GR

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