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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437
I Don't Want to, but I Have To...
By oblivion437
Posted on 10/20/14
Well, Gamergate has spilled over into the mainstream media and the coverage appears to be nearly uniformly dreadful. Take " What is Gamergate, and What Does It Say About Gender In Video Games? " by David Konnow as an example.  It appears that the writer has done little to no...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: It's Just Another Manic Monday Mail!

Posted on Monday, May 7 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Postive, Negative & Irrational Chi!
From: "DREW" (***@aol.com) 
Subject: Game Revolution?? I think not
Hey folks: You need to go back to grammar school because your reviews of games are not only way past a game's release date, but often do not make much sense. Sincerely, DREW $$$
Hi Drew,

Sorry that our little sovereign nation of gaming brilliance does not meet with your approval. But to our credit, we must say that out of the five work days each week, we make perfect sense on at least four of them. Mondays suck.

Drew, what makes absolutely no sense is Shawn's wife hiring a Feng Shui expert to help her divine just how she should arrange the computer room in order to maximize the flow of positive Chi. Mind you, all of this is supposed to ensure a higher kill/death ratio on her favorite Counter-Strike server.

Yep, she plays games. A girl. Again, no sense.

-GR

And How Does That Make You Feel?
From: "james mcechron" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: please help me
i am 16 years old. i just recently got a new computer, 
top of the line and everything. But im having a problem: 
the magic is gone.  i remember waiting eagerly for games 
to come out, and loving every screenshot i could possibly 
dig up. i remember begging for demo's and talking to friends 
about upcoming releases. the problem is, it just doesnt 
excite me anymore. i dont feel excited about games like max 
payne and duke nukem forever, and i dont care if i get to 
play operation flashpoint or music generator 2. i just dont 
feel the thrill anymore. i dont get excited about release 
dates, or playing games late in to the night. i really want 
some help here and i dont know who else to turn to.
it is really bumming me out.
video games are what i have.
please, tell me how to get the magic back before its too late.
signed,
-a fellow video gamer
Hey James,

We've been getting more and more letters sent by readers who have strayed from the path. Is there anything sadder than gamers who have been lulled away from the flock by the evils of literature, physical activity and healthy eating?

We recommend therapy. No, not that wimpy kind of therapy your girlfriend wants to drag you to because she feels you're "just not communicating well enough" (assuming you actually hear that kind of crap while you're busy doing something important like playing SSX). We mean hardcore game therapy.

Start off with a few hours of Half-Life Counterstrike. A good frag or two always gets the gaming blood boiling. Next, pop in Black & White and smack your creature around for NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER. Cruel? Sure, but therapy is all about sacrifice. Top it all off by drinking heavily while staring at pictures of Neverwinter Nights. We know you want it.

If the magic is still gone, then may we suggest this?

-GR

How Many Geeks Does it Take To...
From: "Zeah" (***@aol.com)
Subject: Am I a geek?
Hi, I used to collect comics. Then I noticed everyone 
who collects comics is a geek. So I switched to video 
games. Now I notice that most "gamers" are geeks too. 
Am i being too critical or does this mean that I am 
also a geek.?
Hello Zeah,

"Am i being too critical or does this mean that I am also a geek?"

Both!

But don't fret too much. There's nothing wrong with being a geek. However, there is something wrong with being a big supersized Klingon-speaking Troglodyte slaying geek.

Wanna feel better? Try telling a fellow comic book geek that you know someone who thinks Captain America can beat Wolverine. Then tell a fellow gaming geek that you know a guy who says FFVIII is a much better game than FFVII. Now lock these guys in a room together and watch the geek-sweat fly!

When it's all over, we can assure that your geek rating will drop considerably and you'll feel like a million bucks, er, zennie, ER, gold coins.

-GR

Help Wanted!
From: "???" (***@localhost)
Subject: Hello, Do you have eny emplument oppertunites
How may I get a job to write for your site?
Hi ???,

Well, after reading that subject line, we suggest the following:

- Borrowing Gandalf's magic staff.
- Beating up Aladdin and taking his lamp.
- Crossing your fingers.
- Praying to the deity of your choice.

and most importantly

- Learning how to spell-check.

-GR

P.S. But do you really want to work for these guys anyway?

What Do You Need Us For?
From: Joseph D. Myers II (***@bellsouth.net)
Subject: The Missing Solid Snake
I enjoy reading your site; recieving the latest video game news, 
but I must say I was looking forward to reading a review of the 
MGS2 demo. I play it like a mad man, and have found a few neat 
tricks, but have not read any reviews or cheats on your site 
concerning this masterpiece. Your efforts on this game would be 
greatly appreciated. Thank you 
Joseph Myers II
Hey Joseph,

The GR e-mail shredder has seen more than its fill of letters inquiring about reviews for free game demos. But we don't review free stuff. Why, you ask?

The purpose of our reviews is to inform the reader about the quality of the game in question and whether or not it is worth the money. The Metal Gear Solid 2 demo comes as a free disk when you buy Zone of the Enders. If a game is free, you shoud not need the GR thumbs-up.

Try it out for yourself. We can guarantee it won't bite, and, since it's free, is well worth the money.

-GR

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