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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Back From The Dead!

Posted on Monday, April 7 @ 16:00:00 PST by Duke_Ferris

"Weekly" mailbag. Yeah, right. We're not even close. But we have a good reason, we swear.

First, the main GR info mailbox as captured by robots, who deleted all the interesting mail. Then when we finally got it working again, our dog busted into the office and - you guessed it - ate it. Right after THAT was resolved, one of the code monkeys broke the box after opening an e-mail attachment promising "Friendship 4 U." Monkeys get lonely, too.

So we apologize for false advertising. To make up for the mistake, we're offering each and every GR reader one free game! To collect your free game, just go to your local Gamestop or EB store and ask the employee for your complimentary game revolution freebie! Note: Some employees might pretend to not know what you're talking about. Well, we told them to do that, so be persistent!

Putting Makeup On A Pig

From: "Julia Gribonosova"

Dear Friends,

Hope, you are doing fine!

Let me ask you for another couple of your kind advice:) This time we need to find a title for our new and rather intriguing project. So we have already invented a number of various names, but it is rather difficult to choose the one most suitable for it. Please find below the brief story of the game and the list of titles we managed to think out. You may choose one of ours or suggest yours - we will appreciate all your ideas! Thank you very much for your attention.

Calm and quiet life of a provincial town was broken by a mysterious epidemic desease. Local authorities send to the town several people to stop this process: a doctor, an inquisitor and an army commander. Along with this disaster there in the town three political groups are struggling for power. To survive in this town a character should choose one of the three ways out: he/she should either find an effective remedy, kill everyone infected or help one of the political fractions to come to power. And no other escape. Conceivably this strange desease was a kind of punishment from above for the desobedience to the Gods. The main building in the game is a Polyhedron, made by a number of enthusiasts and which had a mysterious power and abilities. The figure 2 has a sacred sense in the game: three fractions, three centers in the town, three ways to survive and etc.

Generally the idea of the game has a strong phylosophical background and the development team strives to make an absolutely absorbing gameplay.

Well, the list of our variants:
Desperate Hope
Dream Defeated
City of the Damned
Forbidden Miracle

I really appreciate your time in dealing with this matter. I'm looking forward to receive your reply as soon as possible!

Dear Julia,

We brainstormed and came up with a few titles that should accurately describe the game in question:

- Bankruptcy
- Money Pit
- Fired!
- Dead On Arrival


- The Crow: Bird Outta Hell


First comes the TV-2...

Dear Unfortunate AOL subscriber,

Slow down there, Mister Technology. The Xbox has only been out for a year and a half, and you're already wondering when Microsoft is going to upgrade it?

Well, you've come to the right place. Our mole at Microsoft has just sent word regarding the upcoming Xbox project.

Dubbed the 'Nexbox', Bill's future console is an all-in-one home theater / kitchen appliance. It will play DVDs, CDs, RV-CDs, CDR-VDs, DVR-CDs, CD-RVRDs, D-R-ROMDs, vinyl records, and Florida election ballots. It will also cook up a half-pound burger in just three minutes, four if you want cheese. Set it and forget it!

As for the PS#, we're still digging for info. Rumor has it that first they have to decide what exactly that number will be. We're hoping for 4!


Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

To be perfectly honest, the main reason we don't post pictures of the staff is that we don't want to shatter everyone's belief that game geeks are fat and sweaty and dumpy. We don't want to make you all feel inadequate.

But since you asked...


EQ, Not IQ

From: "Brandon Kinsella" (***********

Subject: i think u are unfair in ur opinion on the game

First of all you say all the stuff that can be fix. For example a lot of the things can be added later in the game because it is an online rpg. Second of all I don't buying the game for 20 bucks is that bad at all. You can buy a keyboard for 20 bucks also. Not to mention u get a 30 days free. So is all your paying is a whole 40 bucks and that is not a lot of money at all. I don't think you should have done this review because it seems to me if everything was in that u wanted you would still give it this score cause you probably don't like online rpgs. So how bout next time you give this review to someone else. Thanks for your time.

Dear Brandon,

We're assuming this is an e-mail regarding Everquest Online Adventures, but we're not entirely sure. It would have helped had you mentioned this small detail.

Despite your impressive math skills and horrifying grammar, you forget that in addition to the charges for the game and a keyboard, you also need to drop 10 bucks a month to keep playing. That works out to an extra 120 bucks to play this game for one full year, which is probably how long it will take to build up a character worth selling on Ebay.


You Can Always Play Minesweeper

From: Ed H Kajiyama

Subject: PC games today

Dear GR,

Man, can you belive the minimum system requirements for PC games today? Most games need 2ghz and a crap load of memory just to meet the requirements. Many people (namely me) will need to buy a new computer to play the best PC games to date such as CnC Generals. If you think about it a new computer is $1000, but a consol system is just $200 to $300 and that leaves me money to buy a few games. What should I do?

Dear Ed,

You answered your own question - go buy a console! Though PC gaming has all kinds of pros, its also has a monstrous con, which is that it takes a great deal of money and effort to constantly keep up with technological advances in PC game design. PCs degrade the moment you buy them. It's like taking a bite out of a plum and leaving it on the kitchen counter.

Money conscious consumers, take heed. If you intend on playing games for a while and don't want to spend much money, then you simply have to get a console system. Of course, you'll be missing out on all kinds of amazing games that really can't work well on a console, such as almost every real-time strategy game, but at least you'll be able to afford some imaginary gifts for your imaginary girlfriend.


Don't Hate Us 'Cuz We're Beautiful

From: ********

Subject: (no subject)

why dont u put a picture of what u luk like

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

To be perfectly honest, the main reason we don't post pictures of the staff is that we don't want to shatter everyone's belief that game geeks are fat and sweaty and dumpy. We don't want to make you all feel inadequate.

But since you asked...


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