GR Mailbag: Brandish Those Letter Openers, Boys!

From: "Akab" (***@libero.it)
Subject: akab
blank I to want to know as to make in order to have weapons the 
much powerful for worms armageddon example bomb banana if launch 
she to explode 50 bananas and distruggee all landscape, example 
an arm ass, example to talk nonsense with the uzi and to perforate 
all the land to hit the worm I to pray you to make to know me as to 
find these weapons a lot upgraded thanks

-GR

From: "CoryC" (***@hcis.net)
Subject: I'm A Revolutionary
I'm A Revolutionary! I was wordering what they do. What do u do? 

Some revolutionary you are.

What do we do? We revolt like nobody's business, of course. This entails loud boisterous picketing, wearing tie-dyes and beating drums, printing embarrassing newsletters and making signs that say "Down with this sort of thing!"

Sheesh, what a silly question. We shall overcome...

-GR

From: "michele mclemore" (***@msn.com)
Subject: ???
hey could you send me a Rollar Coaster tycoon game not 
in the mail on the internet for free not a demo

As mighty as our powers are, we feel that your request falls outside the laws of physics. Feel free to contact us again when Star Trek transporters are built into our toasters.

-GR

From: "Luis Domingues" (***@home.com)
Subject: Belgium Gets their Revge
We here at Belgium (makers of cheese and fine proud of it to) 
are sicken and tired of ur insults. We have had long, boring 
meetings, and came up with a simple answer. Were gonna bomb u 
f*ckheads outta the f*ckin sky. Yes Revge is f*cking sweet. 
F*ck u all! F*ck u all to Hell!
BTW u guyz kick ass in every OTHER way.

Concerned at first by your threats, we contacted President Bush about his faith-based missile defense. However, lacking faith, the GR staff tried some research instead.

Turns out that the Belgian Air Force has loaned it's plane to Canada as part of the psuedo-French foreign exchange program. You have no ability to bomb anything and your threats are as thin as your overcooked waffles.

You're just going to have to get your "Revge" somewhere else.

-GR

P.S. We kick ass in every way.

From: Macuser Paul (***@aol.com)
Subject: Fact...or fiction?
Hey GR. I've been hearing some pretty strange stories from 
a lot of strange people, so i feel that it is my job to 
inform you of these rumors, and ask of your help to solve 
this question crisis. Many people have told me that Sudam 
Huasain (forgive the bastards spelling) has purchase hundreds 
of PS2's in advance, and has used their chips to guide 
missiles. Also, many other countries and militaries are 
doing the same. This may sound crazy, or some attempt to 
explain the PS2 shortages, but please tell me if this is 
true, the rumor has gotten to the "i saw it in the News!!!" 
stage.
-Macuser Paul

We too saw this curious coverage on our local news. It's quite terrifying! Or at least it would be if there was any truth to it.

This silly rumor appears to have been started by the paranoid, right-wing publication, World Net Daily. Unfortunately, "legitimate" news channels run by people who understood too little about computers also picked up the story and didn't bother to check up on sources. Aside from a slew of other gaming sites, this bogus story was also reported by major news networks like NBC. How embarrassing!

It probably all began because of a brief argument within the Japanese government about whether to limit exports of the system because of potential military uses. After a couple days, the whole notion was dropped because it was nonsense.

Besides, nobody ever really needed to worry. We could kick Saddam's ass at Tekken Tag any day of the week.

-GR