Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: "Robert J."
My dad said it is time for me to become a man.
How do I do this?
First, find the Elf key behind
the waterfall. Then, go to the cliffs and drop the emerald egg into
the valley. Now walk back to the palace and open the door on the far
left with the Elf key.
You should see a man sitting
in a chair mumbling. Talk to man. He will give you a gold coin every
time you answer his questions correctly. Answer ten correctly and he'll
give you a magic orbstone. Take the magic orbstone and leave the palace.
Now go back to the Mountains of Ash where you found the Leather Paddle,
+2. Enter the second cave from the left, then proceed forward by following
this pattern: Right, Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Down.
You should now see a pedastal with a crack in it. Put the orbstone in
the crack, watch the golden doors open and enter.
You are now a man! Your stats
should increase, though the enemies will be harder, too.
Bears In The Hood.
From: "sweet jelly nutts"
you suck so much ass it aint even funny,
You seriously need to learn how to write good reviews,
how to write reviews period, i'm so pissed when ever
i read your sh*t, u suck!! you wouldn't know a good
game or movie if it flew up your ass, and spewed
monkey sh*t out your nose!! it's one thing to not like
a game or movie, but you can't diss the crow. the crow
movie is the best, sure the game wasn't so hott, but
the movie fu**** rocks!! i'm sorry if they didn't make
a game of your fav movie, you know the care bears...
so before you go dissing sh** that you aren't partial
too, and before hurds of raveshing angry fans try to
stab your fat ass why don't you retire, or learn from
some of your co-workers who know how
to write reviews!!
sweet jelly nutts
The game wasn't SO HOT?!
Are you nuts? Er, wait, yeah, that's your name. But really! The
Crow was the first and only game to actually make a member of the
GR staff go blind. Poor Johnny.
And for the record, anything
Crow other than the original official works by James O'Barr has sucked.
And this is not up for debate.
What bothers us is your blatant
disregard and disrespect toward the Care
Bears. As they would have you know, Mr. Nutts, "Caring is
Sharing!" So show some respect.
"...before hurds of raveshing
angry fans try to stab
your fat ass..."
The word is ravishing!
And we would love for a "herd" of "ravishing" female
fans to storm the GR compound. I mean, who cares if they're angry so
long as they're ravishing, right?
fans? That's a whole different story...
From: "Jeremy Morton-Maxson"
Subject: Don't Drink and Game
Dear Unfortunate Mail Reader,
It's very funny to me that all of you at GR talk about
beer and video games. Frankly the two are
incompatible, even dangerous(to your rep.) I have a
little story for all of you who like to have a few
drinks before picking up a controller. A few weekends
back a came home after consuming a large amount of
beer at said party. My friends talked me into a game
of bond. I killed myself with the grenade launcher.
Five times. I learned a very valuable lesson. Alcohol
and video games do not mix. Friends don't let friends
You apparently haven't mastered
Drunken Gaming stance. Give yourself a few more years and you'll understand,
though your liver might be a little pissy about it.
P.S. Friends don't let friends
game drunk ALONE.
GET OVER HERE...So I Can Draw You a Nice Picture.
i want this game to play on the net and to download
Hello Mystery Writer,
Mortal Kombart? Now
there's a game idea! Finally something interesting to do with all that
blood from those fatalities...
The Home Stretch!
Subject: just wondering
what system offers better graphics and of course a
DVD player Xbox or Gamecube
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber.
Better graphics AND a DVD
player? Simple. The Sony Playstation 2. Neither the Gamecube nor the
Xbox will play DVDs out of the box.
In the future, you might
find other electronic manufacturers pumping out dual Gamecube/DVD players.
You probably remember when 3DO and the CDi sold their technology to
third party manufacturers like Magnavox and Philips. Nintendo has alluded
to a very similar scenario, but nothing is offcial yet.
The Xbox is a bit simpler.
It requires a separate DVD Playback Kit in order to play DVDs, which
should be available when the system launches.
In the meantime, the PS2
has a working DVD player right out of the box.
Graphically, all three systems
have games that serve up serious eye candy. Rogue Leader looks amazing
on the Gamecube. Halo on the Xbox looks incredible. Gran Turismo 3 and
the upcoming Metal Gear Solid 2 look fantastic.
Don't buy these systems for
their graphical capabilities. Buy them for the games.