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GR Mailbag: Champions Of Depravity!

Posted on Monday, August 14 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
The Swatter!
From: Asad Nasir (******@usa.net)


Subject: IRS and the Dough No Do not be worried, this is not a routine "as I expect for you guys" IRS investigation in your tax returns and it certainly isn't and FBI questioning session investigating some hacking problem(s) or the lack of it. I was just intrested to know who is the dough earner for GR. You know with such a splendidly managed site full of resources and uptodate information "blaa blaa", who is "as mafia guys would put it" the earner here. Who pays the bills and all? If it is a top government secret then I would like to become the selected few to get to know it. Asad Nasir Pakistan
Hey Asad,

You want to know where the cash comes from, eh? We must not reveal all, but I can tell you this...

Due to his mutant ability which allows him to make all his fingers the same length, Brian has come up with a new and revolutionary invention called the The Fly Swatter 2000.
Brian has toured the nation promoting his new invention, appearing on such thrilling, prime-time shows as Amazing Discoveries and other infomercials.

In any event, the invention bombed.

However, while touring the Amazing Discoveries studio, Brian slipped on a dead fly, broke the last digit of his pinkie finger and sued them for millions.

I hope this answers your question.

-GR

P.S. Also, our shares of Nonoxynol 9 have been doing really well. Keep it "up," guys.

Slavery's Bad. So Don't Take Slaves. Mmmmkay?
From: "ottens of wilts" (*****@inn.nl)

Subject: I have a site hello Game Rev webmaster, I've got a dutch, perhaps you could add him to you page? i know he is not as good as yours.
Hi Otten,

How many times do I have to say this? No enslaving the Dutch for your own amusement!

I know they're cute, cuddly and they make those adorable little wooden shoes, but that's still no excuse.

If you just have to enslave, enslave the Belgians. They make great waffles.

-GR

Speaking More Better.
From: "Stefan Keck" (*****@gmx.de)
Subject: i've got a page
hi
i´m german and so my english isn´t very well we´ve got a homepage
Hello Stefan,

Sorry to hear about your english. Try feeding it some chicken soup. Maybe that will make it feel gooder.

-GR

Harder Than You Know.
From: "Tyler Reesey" (*****@hotmail.com)

Subject: stupid! stupid! stupid! stupid! ok for starters i must say overall you have a very nice rating system and i find it to be fairly trustworthy. but i have one complaint. you are obviously rating the suck butt games first for dreamcast. disney racing. crappy you say? oh man i didn't see that one coming. please review a game that has a chance in hell to make it with an older crowd. i.e. hidden & dangerous. i played it for pc and liked it, yet you don't have a review for the pc version either......strange. all that i am saying is that i wish you guys wouldn't take the easy way out and grade bomber games before you review the cool looking ones. you may have the games passed down to you to review but i find that fairly dumb. overall rating for GR: B+ +made some good reviews +cool grading system +bold +rant and raves section! +the all powerful KATARN rated it!!!! -bad choice of game reviews -on fortune cookie page advertises saturn... no saturn on webpage!
Hey Tyler,

You gotta be kidding... easy way out... Yeah right! You have no idea how hard it is to play a game that stinks like sh.. err.. limburger cheese and hold your breath long enough to write about it.

You tell me which is harder:

1. Slamming your head against a brick wall until it cracks and you can now see what you are thinking.

Or...

2. Trying to play games like Nightmare Creatures 2 or The Fifth Element for several hours.

-GR

Sorry, Charlie.
From: Sharon (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: Dolphin
Nintendo 64 is working on a game called Dolphin....
is that true? When is it due out and 
what "grade" is it rated(A thru F).
Thanks again,
Sharon
Hello Sharon,

We were really looking forward to Nintendo's new Dolphin until we discovered that it's not tuna friendly. It's true! Nintendo's Dolphin nets are catching a startling number of the noble tuna fish every year.

While we love the delicious, juicy taste of Dolphin, we just cannot allow this slaughter of tuna to continue.

We give it a "C-".

-GR

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