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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Fa La La La La, La La La Late!

Posted on Monday, December 20 @ 19:00:00 PST by Duke_Ferris
She's Going To Blow.

----- Original Message -----
Sherie Miller
Playstation2 Slim

Is there going to be a recall on the new playstation 2's? A best buy near my home told me the fans in the PS2 slim are not big enough to keep the system cool enough for continual play and it starts on fire. please contact me asap to let me know if this rumor is true.

Game Revolution < > wrote:

Dear Sherie,

Ours has exploded twice already today.


Sherie Miller
Subject: Re: Playstation2 Slim

What do you mean by exploded? does it still work after that?

Dear Sherie,

You left us no choice...

v. ex-plod-ed, ex-plod-ing, ex-plodes
v. intr.
  1. To release mechanical, chemical, or nuclear energy by the sudden production of gases in a confined space: The bomb exploded.
  2. To burst violently as a result of internal pressure.
  3. To shatter with a loud noise

It still works great after exploding, yeah. Oh, and we should also mention...

Easily deceived or duped.

- GR

Quick! Disconnect Now!

From: bryanshelton
Half Life 2 review

Sirs and Madams,

Congratulations on your Half Life 2 review. Your review is the first I have seen commenting negatively on Steam. I myself will not touch Half Life 2 until Steam is in no way connected to the game. My gaming rig is only connected to the internet for very brief moments for driver or game updates as I decide they are needed... not Valve, not Activision or NVidea or anyone else. The internet ruins computers, we are not interested in multiplayer games AT ALL.... way to much cheating and to many other reasons to list here. My gaming rig has no anti virus on it, nothing but the free version of Zone Alarm which I only run during brief internet sessions... nothing to eat up precious cpu cycles or ram ... which keeps it running like butter. So again thanks for not being up Valves butt like other sites.

Bryan Shelton

Dear somewhat obsessive Bryan,

Thanks for the kind words about our Half-life 2 review. We try to avoid going anywhere near Valve's butt. After all, they're called VALVE.

But man, you lost us a little with the whole anti-Internet manifesto. We happen to make our living creating, er, content for the Internet and do not take kindly to those who feel it is a bad thing.

Just to show you that there is nothing harmful about the Internet, we have sent you three .zip files labeled: "I love you!" "Funny movies!" and "IDocument445.batinstall.exe." Click them for to make happy! Meay meay!


Get 'Em Hooked Young.

From: "noel walsh"
Subject: ssx tricky

> thought you may like to know my 6 yr old grandson has finished ssx
> trcky on ps2 with the highest scores you can get,any jobs going for
> him? noel walsh

Dear noel,

Uh, he's six? And he just beat every mode in SSX Tricky? At age SIX? That's not healthy man. He should be out bumping into chairs and getting stuck in things, not sitting at home mastering a three year-old snowboarding game.

Here, try reading this, it's got plenty of tips on how to deal with your loving and defiant six year-old. If that doesn't work, you might find some tips here, too. We found it quite handy ourselves. If all else fails, try shipping him off to Asia.


P.S. Does he have a resume?

Doomed To Fail?

From: Rachel Roberts
Subject: Exspenses of a game

hey, i read an article on how doom 3 probably already lost 2.7 million dollars because of newsgroups and other file sharing, and that they might not be able to make enough money to pay off what they used to create the game. I was wondering, why does it cost millions of dollars to make a game? It seems like all you need is a team of people who know what they're doing, a great idea, and time. Is it the electric bill?

Rachel Roberts,
Chesapeak VA

Dear Rachel,

First of all, we need you to stop reading whatever magazine, newspaper, website or, most likely, bathroom wall that such hogwash was scribbled upon. While rampant piracy certainly can cut into profits, "2.7 million dollars" is, in no uncertain terms, peanuts.

Let's do some admittedly oversimplified math. Doom 3 retails for about 50 bucks. As of November 6th, they have sold through over 1 million units, meaning a gross profit of about 50 million dollars. Subtract 2.7 and you wind up with a gross profit of 47.3 million dollars. Again, it's not that simple, but it does illustrate the silliness of claiming that 2.7 million dollars lost to piracy would somehow dismantle the entire Doom 3 development team.

Where does all that money go? Well, a lot of places, really. Designing a game as big as Doom 3 is much like making a film, requiring incredibly long hours by a large team of talented people using absolutely cutting-edge technology. Doom 3 was in development for over four years. If you consider the costs of just the equipment, salaries, and office chairs for a team of 50 artists, programmers, and producers, not to mention kickbacks to certain Game-Revolution editors, the money makes more sense. Now tack on office rent, promotions, paper clips, staplers, coffee mugs and, yes, the electric bill, and you'll start counting those pennies a bit more closely.


Eminem, Watch Your Back.

From: "bObbY ........"
Subject: Rap Insult to the F-

Hey I was that game under Review then Pc .. (Survivor: The Interactive Game) And it seems you really hate the game im not blaming you...( i had fun filling in the blanks too )

well heres an Insult Rap i made incase u wanted to put it on the website
Ok it goes like this

You can say this game is gay worst than sniffen' hay
Its as boring as hell Im already chewing excell
Who made this game ? It's pretty lame

Bobby Uvanile ,
Age :12 , GameRevolution's fav. FAN!!

Dear Bobby,

We considered throwing your letter into the "WHY!?" folder, but after reading through it several times, we realized that you are nothing short of a poetic genius.

For instance, you illustrate the plight of the gay marriage agenda by comparing it to the somewhat despicable act of "sniffen' hay," which as we all know is a euphemism for "excessive preaching," or the far right politics embraced by the clergy of the midwest. "Its as boring as hell Im already chewing excell" might come off as sounding prudish to those without a background in Deductive Reasoning, but alas, fine young Bobby, we understand your subtle argument decrying Microsoft's somewhat heavy-handed approach to OEM software in bundling slightly new forms of their Excel spreadsheet program with every new version of their popular Office Suite.

The final line of your song, nay, poem, however, speaks volumes of your love for art philosophy. Is it the artist who matters, or the art itself? Is there truly a difference between one's art and one's self? By leaving ambiguous space for reader interpretation, you open up your piece to grander concepts of religion, life and existence.


P.S. Don't EVER write to us again.

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