GR Mailbag: First-Class Mail, Second Class Responses

From: ******@aol.com
Subject: Beta Testing
First of all, did you publish my last email? 
(Sharing an account sucks) Second of all, is it just me or do 
game companys not beta test anymore? Every computer game I have 
gotton recently is unplayable, and needs a hundred patches, and 
still doesn't work after I get those patches. Like MOHAA. It worked 
for about one hour and then frozen up. Tribes 2 is another. My 
computer is praticly made to run Tribes 2, but it doesn't work. 
And as a result of their horrible debugging companies can't 
responed to all of their email. So they have two choices I 
think. They should A) Fix the f*cking game before releasing it 
and provide tech support or B) Give me my $50 and three days of 
my life back. I just needed to get that off my chest.

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

We understand your pain. In fact, Ben wrote a whole rant about this a few months ago. Companies do beta test their games, though. That part hasn't stopped.

The real reason games are released too early is that the publisher wants to start seeing some revenue, even if the developer has not finished bug testing. We hate it too, but there's not much we can do about it except holler and scream and whine and never buy games again.

Wait, scratch that last part.

-GR

From: *******@aol.com
Date: Wed, 8 May 2002 20:24:18 EDT
Subject: 2pac
Do you think 2Pac os still alive? I do.

Dear Unfortunate AOL Homey,

Is 2Pac still alive? You betcha! In fact, he works here at GR doing codes alongside Zombie Elvis, Jim Morrison and Harry Houdini. Every so often, 2Pac and Walt Disney's frozen head get into rap fights that have to be broken up by Bruce Lee.

-GR

Subject: Max Pyne inspired me
From: "NightWind" 
I read the mail bag for april 30th and I ran across that 
wonderful drawing called Max Pyne Gone Bad and I just had to 
create thses works called: kings quests Rosella Gone Bad, 
FF7s Cloud Gone... Well Something and Jedi Chocobo Wars. 
I hope you like my attempt at fine art:-) 
-Artist

Dear Nightwind,

Someone once told us that if you didn't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.

At least your drawings haven't killed anyone like Christo's Umbrellas.

-GR

From: "Chris Koranda" 
Subject: Testing, testing . . .
Time for your annual check-up.
1.) Complete the following sentence: 
"I'm a-gonna open a new can of _____."
A. Worms
B. Mountain Dew
C. Whup-ass
2.) Do you still have nightmares? Do any of them 
involve the Crow with spiky blond hair and a huge sword 
voting you off the island?
3.) u guyz rool. do u still pretnd 90% of your lettrs 
r from the dumest n most vocal 5% of your reeders. Do 
you still have delusions that the intelligent readers 
are the silent majority? Do you still speak with your 
invisible friends? Or do you think you're too good for 
them now?
4.) Which console most reminds you of your father? 
(My console could beat up your console.)
Please allow 4-6 weeks for results of test. 
And don't forget your meds.
- Nice white-coat man.
P.S. Why don't you have any cheats for Tron: Deadly Discs 
on your cheat section? Those purple guys with the homing
discs are total bastards . . .

Dear Chris,

1.) The "I'm a-gonna" part of the question is a dead giveaway that this was line was spoken by Mario. Therefore, the answer is D.) Mushrooms!

2.) Yes. No.

3.) Is there actually a question in there?

4.) The Vectrex, because it drinks too much and flicks cigarettes at our heads and passes out. Oh wait, OUR father?

-GR

From: "DJ Lurker" 
Subject: Consoles vs PC's
Dear GRev people.
Hi, I have been a long time visiter to your site, and have 
used your game reviews to be the final word before purchasing 
any games, I waswondering what your "profesional" opnion would 
be on the question just about every gamer who hasent won the 
lottery must ask themselves. Should I buy a PC or a Console?
As you can tell in reciving this email, I have chosen the PC 
route, however there are times I wonder if I made the right 
choice. I paid a little over $6000 for my computer to have 
it decked out with all the best in gaming equipment, surround 
sound speakers and such.  But even with all this tech-gear 
right infront of me, I still lay awake at night and wonder 
if I made the right choice.  I could have gotten an X-Box, 
PS2, Gamecube, and a few dozen games for each system, but 
with my computer, I have access to many of the best games, 
including multiplayer ones, Diablo 2, and its expansion, 
Command and Conquer Red Alert 2, and expansion, and good 
FPS games Counterstrike being my personal favorite, yet even 
with all of the multiplayer abilities of a PC gaming rig, the 
Consoles still get their foot in the door, with games like 
Halo, GTA3, Final Fantasy X, Resident Evil. They make a 
powerful impact on just about every gamers imagination....
and wallet.
There is no way for most gamers to own every system, and a 
PC, so they must all decide which to buy, but what is this 
to be based on, Price?, Games?, Muliplayer?, there are so many
things to consider when making the choice.  Sony, Nintendo, 
Microsoft, should all give a gift card wishing you well with 
your therapy, upon purchase of their respective systems, due to
the massive brain tramma that is sure to follow the undertaking 
of a console purchase.
But in the end, if every gamer looks within themselves and 
looks at the system they decided upon, there will be some doubt
in their minds that they made the wrong desision.
So its falls upon you GRev staff to hear our cries of wonder 
and stress.  What Should We Pick?!?!?!?!?!?
Psikorps

Dear Psikorps,

Well, you've sort of answered your own question. You've dropped 6 grand on decking out your PC? That's a LOT of money, man. That's more money than anyone here at GR has spent on a rig. Next time you go shopping, can you pick us up some new MP3 players or something?

For about $5,600 less, you can get an Xbox, an extra controller and a copy of Halo, or a PS2 with a memory card and a copy of GTA 3. Sounds like a bargain to us.

However, we're big, big PC gaming fans here at GR. The ease of multiplayer coupled with the often times more intricate, complex gameplay keeps us coming back. Still, as consoles get more and more powerful, they begin to resemble PCs.

It really boils down to the kinds of games you enjoy and the amount of money you're willing to spend. It seems that most gamers have one console as well as a PC, and that's the route we'd recommend. :)

-GR