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FEATURED VOXPOP oneshotstop
Call of Duty will never be the same
By oneshotstop
Posted on 07/28/14
       We've all been there. Everyone remembers that mission. You and your partner are climbing up the mountains in the snow, striving to pull some slick clandestine operation about getting some intel on a bad guy, or something similar (because let's face...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Flying The Friendly Skies

Posted on Wednesday, May 23 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris

Well, once again I am forced to apologize for a late mailbag. Extremely lazy mailbag editor Shawn "The Invisible Man" Sanders, who may or may not have been at E3, is nonetheless using the convention as an excuse for foisting the mailbag off on me again.

Currently, I am flying back from that fabled video game convention on Delta flight number 42. With my trusty laptop shoved into my gut by the reclining fat guy in front of me, I reach out to you, dear readers.

However, without access to the GR supercomputers that sort through our usual deluge of mail searching for those pearls of GR reader wisdom, I thought I might try something a little different.

Here are a few emails that I got this week in my personal mailbox on my laptop. Get ready, Oprah, it's sharing time.

dUKE

Catching some Z's
From: Skiz64@******.com
Subject: hey
To: duke@game-revolution.com
hey I jus wanna say that u guyz kill some serious azz. 
Every site i go to has some skimpy little 3 min. review 
but you guyz take ur time!!. thats 2 know. 
well catch ya later
-Skiz

Tankz skiz,

We'z guyz tryz to kill azz wheneverz we canz. Good reviewz iz our middle namez.

- dUKEz

QWIJYBO?
From: Prfftt@******.com
Subject: GTHYTEAHFTR
To: duke@game-revolution.com

HGYTRSZGHR4GHTEGREGGG

Dear Prfftt,

Well, that was certainly a good use of your time. Not to mention mine. Hasn't e-mail made the world a better place?

- dUKE

War is hell.
From: COOLJERK1@******.com
Subject: (no subject)
To: duke@game-revolution.com

dear duke have have ben in a real war

Dear Cooljerk1,

Well, of course. Just yesterday I was defending the fort from a huge orc onslaught. Or was it giant robots? That might have been last month.

Next week I'm staging an assault on your school in order to replace your grammar teacher.

- dUKE

That's ok, we can just hold each other.
From: achampeau@hotmail.com
To:
Subject: Buy Viagra Online Pharmacy! Now!!

Get VIAGRA

the breakthrough medication for impotence
delivered to your mailbox...without leaving your computer.

Simply Click http://www.***********.org/pharm4/index.html

In less than 5 minutes you can complete the on-line consultation and in
many cases have the medication in 24 hours.

>From our website to your mailbox.
On-line consultation for treatment of compromised sexual function.

Convenient...affordable....confidential.
We ship VIAGRA worldwide at US prices.

I suspect that a shady Viagra dealer is not actually the answer to my problems. [Can we ask you wife about that? - Ed.]

Thanks anyway,

dUKE

Just for me?
Return-Path: 
From: ge4r123bv@yahoo.com
To:
Subject: LYING FILTHY WHORES FOR YOUR PLEASURE!

ALL THE RAUNCHIEST SEX PICS YOU WILL EVER SEE ONLINE!
SIMPLY THE BEST VALUE ADULT SITE ON THE NET!

3 day trial! Goto http://*************/webmasters/3/

Over 200,000+ FREE HARDCORE PORN MOVIES!!!
HIDDEN CAMERAS!!! - LIVE and EXCLUSIVE!
SEE ALL THE HARDCORE SEX ACTION!

100+ GIGS OF LARGE, CRISP IMAGES ONLINE!
ALL NEW steaming images added every day
FREE ACCESS TO THE XXX PINKLABEL EDITION!!

3 day trial! Goto http://************/webmasters/3/

Hrmmmm....

Maybe I will get some Viagra after all. Do they really have to be lying, though? And filthy?

- dUKE

No kiss?
From: "Jeff Ehrlich" 
To: "Duke Ferris"
Subject: ILOVEYOU

kindly check the attached LOVELETTER coming from me.
Attachment Converted: "c:\eudora\attach\LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU.TXT.vbs"

Dear Jeff,

Oh my! What a surprise! That's so nice that you love me. And I didn't get you anything. I'll just double click on that and...... OH GOD NOOOO!!!!!

dUKE

Tags:   gr mailbag


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