GR Mailbag: Flying The Friendly Skies
Posted on Wednesday, May 23 @ 12:13:14 PST by
Well, once again I am forced
to apologize for a late mailbag. Extremely lazy mailbag editor
Shawn "The Invisible Man" Sanders,
who may or may not have been at E3, is nonetheless using the convention
as an excuse for foisting the mailbag off on me again.
Currently, I am flying back
fabled video game convention on Delta flight number 42. With my trusty laptop shoved into
my gut by the reclining fat guy in front of me, I reach out to you,
However, without access to
the GR supercomputers that sort through our usual deluge of mail searching
pearls of GR reader wisdom, I thought I might try something
a little different.
Here are a few emails that
I got this week in my personal mailbox on my laptop. Get ready,
Oprah, it's sharing time.
Catching some Z's
Subject: hey To: firstname.lastname@example.org hey I jus wanna say that u guyz kill some serious azz.
Every site i go to has some skimpy little 3 min. review
but you guyz take ur time!!. thats 2 know.
well catch ya later
We'z guyz tryz to kill azz
wheneverz we canz. Good reviewz iz our middle namez.
Subject: GTHYTEAHFTR To: email@example.com
Well, that was certainly
a good use of your time. Not to mention mine. Hasn't e-mail made the
world a better place?
War is hell.
From: COOLJERK1@******.com Subject: (no subject) To: firstname.lastname@example.org
dear duke have have ben in a real war
Well, of course. Just yesterday
I was defending the fort from a huge orc onslaught. Or was it giant
robots? That might have been last month.
Next week I'm staging an
assault on your school in order to replace your grammar teacher.
That's ok, we can just hold each other.
To: Subject: Buy Viagra Online Pharmacy! Now!!
the breakthrough medication for impotence
delivered to your mailbox...without leaving your computer.
Simply Click http://www.***********.org/pharm4/index.html
In less than 5 minutes you can complete the on-line consultation and
many cases have the medication in 24 hours.
>From our website to your mailbox.
On-line consultation for treatment of compromised sexual function.
We ship VIAGRA worldwide at US prices.
I suspect that a shady Viagra
dealer is not actually the answer to my problems. [
Can we ask you
wife about that? - Ed.]
Just for me?
From: email@example.com To: Subject: LYING FILTHY WHORES FOR YOUR PLEASURE!
ALL THE RAUNCHIEST SEX PICS YOU WILL EVER SEE ONLINE!
SIMPLY THE BEST VALUE ADULT SITE ON THE NET!
3 day trial! Goto http://*************/webmasters/3/
Over 200,000+ FREE HARDCORE PORN MOVIES!!!
HIDDEN CAMERAS!!! - LIVE and EXCLUSIVE!
SEE ALL THE HARDCORE SEX ACTION!
100+ GIGS OF LARGE, CRISP IMAGES ONLINE!
ALL NEW steaming images added every day
FREE ACCESS TO THE XXX PINKLABEL EDITION!!
3 day trial! Goto http://************/webmasters/3/
Maybe I will get some Viagra
after all. Do they really have to be lying, though? And filthy? - dUKE
From: "Jeff Ehrlich"
To: "Duke Ferris" Subject: ILOVEYOU
kindly check the attached LOVELETTER coming from me.
Attachment Converted: "c:\eudora\attach\LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU.TXT.vbs"
Oh my! What a surprise! That's
so nice that you love me. And I didn't get you anything. I'll just double
click on that and...... OH GOD NOOOO!!!!! dUKE
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