GR Mailbag: It's Funny 'Cause It's True!

From: "BLADE" (*******@aol.com)


Subject: to this Duke character
Gee by reading your ps2 preview i have come 
to the conclusion you are biased to the soon to be demolished 
dreamcast, sure it has phantasty star online but that is about 
it, i just think you did not even look at ps2's graphics, you 
talk about jagged edges you must be seeing things, because look 
at the screen shot on the preview page i don't see any jagged 
edges do you? OH! look it is the magical biased fairy, 
hee, hee, hee, hee. 

I'd watch who I was calling magical if I were you. Pixie-dust can leave a nasty, nasty burn.

-GR

From: "Hirohito 99" (*******@notes.primeco.com)


Subject: A message from God
God came to me in the form of a burning bush and told me to 
drink beer and play video games all day. I'm getting no love 
on this from my friends and employers so I am planning on 
using my special cheat code that God told unto me to put
some nasty plagues on their homes. Any suggestions?
Love,
Hirohito99

Anyone ever wonder why the supreme being of the universe always chooses to appear as a burning bush or a talking lizard? It's like he's purposely trying to make it hard for prophets. Who's going to believe some guy who was just having a conversation with a shrub?

Yes Hirohito, I have a suggestion. Next time you're gabbing with the Big Man, ask him if he could come in the form of an infomercial, or better yet, a cell phone ad. Those things seem to be pretty convincing.

-GR

P.S. We need all the trees and bushes we can get, not to mention what smoke does to the ozone. No more burning bushes!

From: "Cameron" (*****@cableinet.co.uk)
Subject: hello gaming gods
dear ed
hey man i saw rants and raves on july 14 and i just wanted 
to say that is the best piece of literature in the world 
you have got it right it brings tears to my eyes when i 
read some of these reviews on other web pages( game domain 
what a bunch of #*^%ing retards)i have printed out this 
article it now has a shrine where i bow and pray to it 
every night before i go to bed it is a inspiration to 
see that someone doesn't have there head stuck up there 
ass out there
loyal to gr to the end,
cameron

In your bowing and praying you neglected to remember the virgins and gold offerings.

The pantheon of gods at Mount GR get really damn cranky without their virgins. And they need gold for beer... er.. I mean ambrosia.

-GR

From: Adeel Tariq (*****@altavista.com)
Subject: ?????
can u tell me how u created the tomb raider2 nude patch???
Thanks.

I'll tell ya, it wasn't easy. It took a dishonest game of strip poker, some sweet talking and a ton of tequila. Lara can really hold her booze.

-GR

From: Joe (******@itis.com)
Subject: Girlfriends or video games....

Hey GR-
I've been single my whole life and I want to know if 
there is a way to balance a girlfriend and games like 
"Unreal Tournament" or "Rollercoaster Tycoon"? Can it be 
done, or should I sign up for the "Betty Ford 12 step to 
dump video games" clinic? 
Thanks again for your always correct answers,
Joe
p.s. where do I send donations? I'm about to win a million 
dollars on my who wants to be a millionare game...oh wait...
it's just a game, you don't win jack..WHY THE HELL DID I 
BUY IT!!! DAMN YOU REGIS! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!

Dump video games?! Are you mad?! It's simple: Only date gamers!

There are millions and millions of female gamers out there. Just look at the current Quake 3 champions: all gorgeous women. Ever notice that the line for Street Fighter at the arcade is all beautiful babes? And how about all those Playboy centerfolds? Under 'turn-ons' they always list video games.

I don't think you're trying hard enough.

-GR

P.S. If we are always correct, are we correct if we say that we are wrong?