Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
Subject: to this Duke character
Gee by reading your ps2 preview i have come
to the conclusion you are biased to the soon to be demolished
dreamcast, sure it has phantasty star online but that is about
it, i just think you did not even look at ps2's graphics, you
talk about jagged edges you must be seeing things, because look
at the screen shot on the preview page i don't see any jagged
edges do you? OH! look it is the magical biased fairy,
hee, hee, hee, hee.
I'd watch who I was calling
magical if I were you.
Pixie-dust can leave a nasty, nasty burn.
The Man Behind Global Warming.
From: "Hirohito 99" (*******@notes.primeco.com)
Subject: A message from God
God came to me in the form of a burning bush and told me to
drink beer and play video games all day. I'm getting no love
on this from my friends and employers so I am planning on
using my special cheat code that God told unto me to put
some nasty plagues on their homes. Any suggestions?
Hey Hirohito 99,
Anyone ever wonder why the
supreme being of the universe always chooses to appear as a burning
bush or a talking lizard? It's like he's purposely trying to make it
hard for prophets. Who's going to believe some guy who was just having
a conversation with a shrub?
Yes Hirohito, I have a suggestion.
Next time you're gabbing with the Big Man, ask him if he could come
in the form of an infomercial, or better yet, a cell phone ad. Those
things seem to be pretty convincing.
P.S. We need all the trees
and bushes we can get, not to mention what smoke does to the ozone.
No more burning bushes!
This Is How Famine Ensues.
From: "Cameron" (*****@cableinet.co.uk)
Subject: hello gaming gods
hey man i saw rants and raves on july 14 and i just wanted
to say that is the best piece of literature in the world
you have got it right it brings tears to my eyes when i
read some of these reviews on other web pages( game domain
what a bunch of #*^%ing retards)i have printed out this
article it now has a shrine where i bow and pray to it
every night before i go to bed it is a inspiration to
see that someone doesn't have there head stuck up there
ass out there
loyal to gr to the end,
In your bowing and praying
you neglected to remember the virgins and gold offerings.
The pantheon of gods at Mount
GR get really damn cranky without their virgins. And they need gold
for beer... er.. I mean ambrosia.
A Royal Flush For A Pair
From: Adeel Tariq (*****@altavista.com)
can u tell me how u created the tomb raider2 nude patch???
I'll tell ya, it wasn't easy.
It took a dishonest game of strip poker, some sweet talking and a ton
of tequila. Lara can really hold her booze.
Like Looking For A Haystack In A Needle
From: Joe (******@itis.com)
Subject: Girlfriends or video games....
I've been single my whole life and I want to know if
there is a way to balance a girlfriend and games like
"Unreal Tournament" or "Rollercoaster Tycoon"? Can it be
done, or should I sign up for the "Betty Ford 12 step to
dump video games" clinic?
Thanks again for your always correct answers,
p.s. where do I send donations? I'm about to win a million
dollars on my who wants to be a millionare game...oh wait...
it's just a game, you don't win jack..WHY THE HELL DID I
BUY IT!!! DAMN YOU REGIS! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!
Dump video games?! Are you
mad?! It's simple: Only date gamers!
There are millions and millions
of female gamers out there. Just look at the current Quake 3 champions:
all gorgeous women. Ever notice that the line for Street Fighter at
the arcade is all beautiful babes? And how about all those Playboy centerfolds?
Under 'turn-ons' they always list video games.
I don't think you're trying
P.S. If we are always correct,
are we correct if we say that we are wrong?