GR Mailbag: Geeks Program Their Own Valentines

From: "jon" (***@sympatico.ca)
Subject: why?
greetings gr folk,
im writing this to you with hopes of getting an answer 
to this question about zombies and the majority of the 
movies put out by them. im also writing it with hopes 
of getting a really wise ass remark from ya, cause the 
gr squad are great for dropping quips when it comes to 
criticising games and mocking emails.
so here goes. 
why is it in zombie movies you always see zombies 
getting shot in the head, burned, mauled, exploded etc 
etc, but not once hAs anyone decided to take a friggin 
swarm of pregnant flies (who would check for that, 
eh?!) and released them onto groups of zombies?
keep up the killer work guys, youve already saved my 
hiney lots of loot. money thats better off spent 
hooking you all up with some brews. 
jon

Hi Jon,

You can't expect to get a good representation of Zombie logic from Hollywood.

Take supeheroes, for instance. After capturing Batman and succesfully suspending him over a vat of boiling hot anti-bat goo, why does the Joker see fit to enlighten the caped crusader about every intricate detail of his master plan and then proceed to leave the hero unattended?

Why?

Because Batman is why you came to see the movie/read the comic/watch the show. He's the hero who can't be allowed to die, and the same applies to those lovable, cuddly zombies.

So keep your disgusting fly torture to yourself, sicko. We like our heroes to live, dammit, even it that means we have to keep them dead.

- GR

From: "Kyle Newsome" (***@hotmail)

Subject: thanks
you've made the world just a little stupider with your mailbag 
section.....glad to see you're really doing your part
thanks

Hey Kyle,

Uh, thanks...we think. But apparently we don't know our own strength, because stupider is not a word.

It's cool, though. We can help make you smarter.

First learn to juggle. Then read Joseph Campbell , listen to Bob Marley, eat one bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos a day, play lots of Counter-Strike, and if all else fails, frequently rub your chin and scratch your temples.

-GR

From: "Master" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: damnit
My parents suck! What should I do?
-The Master of Disaster

Dear Mr. M. Disaster,

Well then, keep them out of the pantry closets and don't let 'em near the rat poison. Getting your parents' stomachs pumped is a bitch!

Once, Shawn's dad got hold of his favorite G.I. Joe action figures and devoured them. Quick Kick, Duke, Major Bludd, Snake Eyes and all their weapons met a grisly fate at the hands of a father's gastric juices.

To this day, the phrases "Knowing is half the battle!" and "Yo Joe!" reduce the man to tears.

- GR

From: "C.F.C. van de Wijgaart" (***@woh.rr.com)
Subject: why!!!!!!

metal gear solid2 sucks becous solid snake dies:-( 
i demand that in mgs3 snake is there again (in action)
alive and well
pleas do this for all the gamers in the world
kind regard johan

Hi C.F.C.,

What if we told you Snake never died in Metal Gear Solid 2? Would you still say it sucks?

Play the game,
GR

From: "Jon Flora" (***@wi.net)
Subject: Comment
I looked a couple of your game reviews and they don't 
tell me what input devicesare acceptable for each game. 
I am strictly a gamepad person and your reviews are 
useless if I don't have that information. Another site 
has thisinfo that is invaluable to us older folks or 
those that do not have keyboard dexterity.
Just my comments and maybe revisit your site in a few 
months.
Thank you
Jon Flora

Dear Jon,

We write informative reviews for controllers and games in order to help readers decide what's right for their money. If we've reviewed a game and controller that you've fancied, then by all means dip your chocolate in your peanut butter.

But frankly, it would be impossible for us to catalog every game that works well with every controller. Some may not work well for any number of reasons, most notably driver conflicts. There are also various operating systems to contend with.

It's just not as precise a science as you may think.

We would need to state _?_ controller works well with _?_ version of a game on _?_ version of _?_ OS when using _?_ drivers for that controller. That's just too many variables.

Utlimately it's for you to decide what works best in your hot little hands. We just supply the facts. If you like a particular controller, then go ahead and use it for as many games as you'd like. Better yet, check out our hardware reviews because we do mention what games we've tested with each controller.

- GR