GR Mailbag: Giving Out Apples Instead Of Candy!

From: Beth, Alissa & Austin (****@bellsouth.net)
Subject: hi
Hi i don't own a system but i want cheat codes sent to 
me bi monthly with an explanation of how and when to do 
what with how and the other thing please help me i am 
really wanting cheat codes so i can impress my friends 
with knowing cheat codes.. i would memorize them.
you pal the big garganutor!

I don't know how much the grade school scene has changed over the last 12-15 years, but in our day, lying about girls would impress more people more often than the "A, B, B, A" code for Ikari Warriors.

-GR

P.S. You don't need us to send you codes. Just make 'em up...and remember to throw in words like "unlimited" and "nude" every so often to lend the air of credibility.

From: "Lord Otaku" (********@kscable.com)
Subject: I AM NOT SHOUTING
HEY 
somebody tell me something. why the hell is it that 
NOBODY seems to be in there right mind when your not 
near the ocean? in california im sure they too are 
going through the same kind of ps2 shortage we are but 
its not near as bad. (i live in a fairly large town 
in the middle of kansas, and we will be getting a total 
of 8 ps2's. thats *8* for a town of about 30.000 people, 
1000 of which are too old to be anything more than a 
problem for everyone else, and 2900 others who all want 
that ps2 TODAY) i can understand that being so far in 
what can be called the bible belt can be some what 
trying, BUT IM GONNA START BUSTING SOME SERIOUS SKULLS 
IF THESE BUTT NUGGETS DONT GET WITH THE F**** PROGRAM.

We've heard of some strange and bizarre occurrences happening in the magical land of Kansas, especially around this time of All Hallows Eve. Even after the hot-water death of the Wicked Witch of the "Westsiiiide," her villainy still haunts the land.

Lucky for you, our code master is also proficient in the ways of the super natural. We convinced him to create a spell that will cure the Kansas PS2 enthusiasts of their PS2 blues.

Gather together 29,000 angry potential PS2 customers, stand outside the Sony HQ and simply click your heels together 3 times (they must be high-heeled glass slippers) shouting at the top of your lungs, "There's no place like Microsoft! There's no place like Microsoft!"

If that doesn't work, then do what everyone else is doing and go beat up some little kid who has one.

-GR

P.S. Warning: Profuse clicking of the heels can cause irreparable tendonitis of the Achilles tendon. Proceed with caution.

From: Guy Thompson (*******bak.rr.com) 
Subject: Love the site hate the letters column
Alright Game Revolution. I have been reading your web 
site for a long time now and most of what you do is 
different and informative. However your letters column 
is, from my eyes absolutely typical. I have no idea 
why this is but it seems every darn online letters 
column I read (especially columns that are video game 
related) have the same format. Some stupid nonsense 
question or comment is answered with some stupid 
nonsense answer. Is it just because you always do 
it at the last minute and have no time to research 
the real questions and give intelligent, professional 
answers that will be informative and interesting to 
the individual asking the question as well as any 
random surfer who is reading the column? Or is it 
your intention to create two pages of slop exactly 
like the crap on just about any other game web site 
you go too?  I'm sure there are others who are 
thinking this same thing so please, put this letter 
in your next column and answer it straight out and 
intelligently. No BS.

We spent an inordinate amount of time trying to come up with a good answer to your letter, but we forgot the question. So instead we got drunk and passed out.

-GR

From: "???" (*****@aol.com)
Subject: (no subject)
for all you console game players out there theirs 
a new system THE COMPUTER. Yeah you can play game, 
watch moives and do your homwork all at the same 
time. Wow Amazing. We all know that consoles have 
been copying computers for what is now..... ever! 
What is this putting a dvd on a console. 
Whats next?  What i'm trying to say is computers are 
better then console aways have away 
will. 

The computer? I've heard of that thing. Isn't that the same system that costs at least $1000? Hmmmm...I don't have a small fortune. All I have is $300!

Isn't this is also the same machine that requires the inexperienced to do a Vulcan mind meld with the darn thing just to figure out which drivers will allow my character to have the same head on level 3 and 16 as he does in the rest of the game? Wait..it's not the drivers...it's the video card? So now I need to buy a new one?

Yeah, nothing like some PC gaming to realy get the blood flowing. Assuming, of course, you've downloaded and correctly installed the appropriate "blood flow" patch, which may or may not erase previously saved games...

-GR

P.S. Don't get us wrong...we still love PC gaming, and indeed there are still many things you can do with a PC that you just can't do with a console. But there are WAY more zombie games on the consoles, and that seals it for us.

From: "smcdonnel" (*******@home.com)
Subject: You think that was bad
when i was at my retailer store waiting in line it was snowing 
I couldnt feel my balls