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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: A Glimpse Into The Mind Of A GR Penpal

Posted on Monday, March 5 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Sticks & Stones...
From: "Joe Weber" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: the 2 P's
I'm sorry, but after that pee pee head remark, 
my mommy won't let me play with you anymore..and she's 
also gonna call your mommies and you're going to get in 
trouuuuble...oooooooo!
Dear Joey,

Ahhhh....come on, that's not fair! We were only playing.

Well, can we still ride your Green Machine?

-GR

Someone Call the Hair Club For Men!
From: "Alex Batchilo" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Re: How do you al survive
I presume,) get paid a standard check, plus have to pay 
for a server and the web address name, plus tons of other 
stuff. My question is, if the only cash support you all 
get are commercials, how the hell does your company 
survive for over 5 years. Please answer with a serious 
response.
Hey there Alex,

Commercials? We haven't had a commercial on the site since that Kibbles 'n Bits mishap back in 1997. You must be referring to the ad banner at the top of each page.

We've managed to survive for this long for two reasons. First off, we don't eat. Ever. We have found that by not eating, we can save money. Plus when our ribs stick out we get that washboard ab thing that the chicks dig.

The second reason is classified. Top secret. Let's just say it involves a Columbian guy and an airplane. We could tell you more, but then we would have to depilate you.

-GR

Elves Fight Back!
From: "Guillaume Lamothe" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: don't you dare...
I read your last message board. The one with the message 
of the other Dark Elf (my brother) in it. Obiously, you 
guys didn't read the three splendid book 
: '' The Lord Of The Rings '' by J.R.R. Tolkien. 
Thinking elves are baking  cookies and have pointy shoes, 
hahahaha. Ok-so they have pointy ears but they aren't some 
kinda fairies or Santa's elves. First of all, elves are at 
average 1 m 10 cm tall. they do have pointy ears and they 
like to live inside elaborated treehouses in the trees.
Most of them have blond hair and blue eyes. They are better 
at using magic than humans. They are famous for the beauty 
of their castles and the pureness of their springs.They have 
elven mages, kings, knights,archers, ect... SO DON'T YOU 
GO OUT THERE MAKING FUN OF ELVES LIKE THAT!!!!
Dear Guillaume,

GR sends our humblest apologies. If we offended you, your brother or anyone else in the Elven community, we are sorry.

We are all well-versed in The Lord of The Rings trilogy and consider it a masterpiece, due in no small part to the elvish presence. I mean, without the elves, who would have baked enough creamy cookie goodness to feed the Fellowship?

We have a newfound respect for all things small and funny looking.

-GR

Pull!
From: "Scott Dunham" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Hadooken!!
Hi
Right i have 2 questions to ask all you ppl or robots 
or cyborgs at GR 1. why are you all such smug bastards? 
i mean if sumone asks you all a perfectly normal question 
they alwayz get a sarcasticly reply! or is it just thats 
the only thrill you have in your sad lifes?
2. ive noticed that all the characters in the street 
fighter games say phrses like
metal-toe-cap
and
Haddock-and-chips
what is the deal with that? its like all the characters 
have gone out got drunk then decided they want to fight 
with each other to decide who is the ultimate street fighter!
ScoZ
Hello Scott,

Actually, our sad lives are filled with all kinds of other thrills! When we're not making love to hordes of beautiful women, we often take the GR jet to Monte Carlo for a little gamblin' fun. Admittedly, it's tough to gamble well when you're lit up on Dom Perignon, and we're swimming in so much cash that it's really just Monopoly money anyways. Still, would you pass up the opportunity to snort coke off Madonna's ass? We sure didn't!

Sarcastic enough for you? If so, we're thrilled.

Oh, and YOGA FIRE!

-GR

Not
From: proctor (***@ntlworld.com)
Subject: Being Stupid!
Hello again!!!!
I know this isn't really a question you would think 
other people might ask but let me tell you anyway. 
I have a really old Windows 95 and I want to upgrade 
it to one of the other Windows collection. Do you think 
I should have Windows 98 or Windows ME???
Coolguy.
Hello Cecil,

Attention PC owners! Windows ME sucks!

Well, at least when it comes to gaming. We have received more reports regarding Windows ME incompatibilites than any other OS.

We don't understand how the biggest nerd on the planet could drop such a heavy ball, but he has. Mr. Gates, shame on you.

Here is a link to WinForums Central, where you will find reports of various problems and some possible answers. This should be helpful to those of you experiencing ME problems as well as PC owners who are interested in learning more about the OS.

-GR

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