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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: GR answers your mail. Barely

Posted on Monday, November 6 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
We Feel Like Santa, Only Not Fat.
From: XMAN (****
Subject: there it was
Upon entering the house from a long day in school I 
quickly noticed the brown box against the wall. Monday 
you said it was to go out. I figured I had another 3 days 
to wait and yet there it was laying on the floor all 
alone. I checked the tag and I saw my name and the 
familiar Game Revolution. I wanted to shout, bang on 
the walls, or what ever just to get the attention of 
my neighbors; that the day has come for me to play the 
With $15 in my pockets I quickly went out and went to 
Holliwood Videos to rent the highly praised SSX. Superb!
I'm shaking as I speak. Thank you once again for this 
incredible machine. Game Revolution will forever be 
branded on my browser's bookmark list.
Bless your soul. Amen. YES!
Hi XMan,

What the @#$%!! I thought I properly rigged that darn contest so I' nevermind. Congratulations!

Well, there you have it, folks. Some lucky reader actually did win our PS2 contest.

We know that many of you wanted to win this thing really badly, so to be fair, we're going to auction off Xman's home address so you can go over to his house, beat him up and take it away.

Bidding starts at 5 bucks. Do I hear 6?


Step Into the Arena!
From: "J Rivera" (********
Subject: Can a get a job
Hey i can do what u guys do and prolly better. Let me 
get a job as a reviewer. Ill take on your best damn video 
game player and beat his ass in just about any game for 
a job. So let me kown if i can get a job.
"The kid that needs a job"
Hello J,

You know what? You're "prolly" right.


P.S. You want to test your video gaming mettle against the mighty GR? Ok!

The game is multi-player Rune. Our name: Sal MagicPants. If you can defeat The Pants, you win! But not a job.

It could be anything from one of Brian's hair follicles to a Playstation 2*. So prepare to brandish that Viking Bastard Sword and defend yourself, because Sal is taking trophies: Namely, your head!

*Playstation 2 refers to a picture of a Playstation 2. We're not miracle workers. You know how hard those things are to find?

We Represent The Lollipop Guild
From: Eric Baker (****
Subject: hi
Hi. I usually like your mailbag, but when I read 
your answer to the person in Kansas, 
that really got me mad. Myself not being a Kansan 
by blood, I would normally laugh at stuff like that, 
but your answer was so ignorant and tasteless that I 
don't see how anyone could laugh at it. I live in Wichita,
Kansas, and I can tell you most of those 500,000 people 
in Wichita don't like stupid, mindless jokes about The 
Wizard of Oz directed toward them. If you think you were 
being funny, you weren't. And in fact, if you've even seen 
the movie or read the book, DOROTHY was from Kansas, not 
the munchkins,and the munchkins didn't click their heels 
and they certainly WEREN'T magical. I've also noticed you 
guys doing this to a lot of other places. I don't care if 
it's Kansas, Canada, or Outer Mongolia, it's still 
mindless humor that's funny only to those who wrote it. 
You have no right or reason to make fun of any place. 
And don't reply to this with a cynical, sarcastic answer.
Hi Eric,

What the heck are you talking about? The Wizard of Oz is offensive? Munchkins?
Mongolia? We're confused.

Here's a tip: Next time you watch the adventure of Dorothy and her pals, lay off the LSD.
It's a completely different movie.


The Truth is Out There!
From: "???" (*****
Subject: Playstation 2 Question
I heard that the Playstation 2 needs another chip for 
it to work properly, and this chip is expensive when it 
needs to be installed. Is this true? Does it need 
another chip?
Hey Mr. Anonymous,

We have found that yes, the Playstation 2 is missing a key component in order for it to work properly. For all the vaunted, technological mysticism that was put into the development of the system, there has been an omission of paramount severity:

Really good games!

Where are the revolutionary next generation games that would warrant a gamer spending a cold night sleeping in the parking lot of a Best Buy...only to wind up $300 poorer?

Will Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty be the only game to set a new precedent?

Since we're such irrepresable optimists, we have 50 bucks that says it won't be. Who wants in?


P.S. All bets lost by GR will be paid in full, provided you know the secret word.

DVD Player or Cobra Commander's New Weapon of Destruction?
From: "Joshua of Alabama" (*******
Subject: PS2 has done a boo-boo
Game Revolution,
I have a PS2 that was imported and I left it on countless 
hours and I discovered that the laser on the PS2 is entirely 
to strong for the CD's being played. It actually burned donuts 
into my games and eventually holes! Test this for yourself. 
I heard that Sony knows of this and wanted to meet their 
before Christmas deadline and were going to ship the good 
ones to the US in March of 2001.
Please Look Over This,
Joshua of Alabama
Hi Joshua of Alabama,

Beware, innocent readers. Methinks this is a deceiving, verbal saboteur.

Over the last week, the GR Info box has been inundated with letter after incriminating letter declaiming Sony's new rig. Apparently, some people just want to see the PS2 fall flat on it's non-existent face.

Obviously, the PS2 problems that are mentioned in letters like this and the previous one are completely untrue.

If Sony was shipping a unit equipped with a fully-functional infared laser capable of burning through solid plastic, we'd crack it open and aim it towards Belgium.

We're notable cynics and disbelievers here at GR, and we need proof before we believe any of this PS2 hooey. Send us a picture or video that clearly proves the death ray tendencies of the system, and we'll gladly eat crow.

Heck, we'll even cook it using the PS2 laser.


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