GR Mailbag: The GR Mailman Is A Pimp

From: "bob tok" (***@lti.com)
Subject: hi
CHANGE THE MUMMY RETURNS TO B NOW
WRITE BACKPLEASE WRITE BACKPLEASE WRITE BACKPLEASE WRITE 
BACKPLEASE
"Mummy-say Mummy-sa mama-ku-cool! 
Question: How do you make a good video game based on a 
good movie? Answer: You do. Case in point, The Mummy Returns, 
the latest patch of coolness to invade the PS2. It's based on 
The Mummy Returns, which was based on The Mummy. 
The Mummy Returns is similar to your standard, run-of-the-mill 
third person action game in that there are platform elements, 
puzzles, and the compulsory key quests. Where The Mummy Returns 
departs from the standard is how it seems to strive to be as 
cool as possible. The game's only claim to fame is the fact 
that you can play as either Rick O'Connell or Imhotep. In 
fairness, the characters look like their movie counterparts, 
including the Scorpion King. But no matter how you slice it, 
you are playing a cool character.
Rick O'Connell's combo kicks, punches, and sword attacks are 
about as fluid and graceful as someone from crouching tiger 
hidden drogon Imhotep uses magic to suck the soul from his 
opponents a la Soul Reaver. This way cooler than it sounds. 
Your location on the map is marked by a glowing icon with no 
indication of the direction that you are facing. Rotating the 
map only serves to disorient further. 
You encounter a fair amount of enemies throughout the mummy 
returns." 
Revolution Report Card 
b 
+ cool 
+ good weapons 
+ good control 
+ good animation 

Hey bob,

Nice email! We don't know whether to laugh, cry or sue the pants off you for plagiarism.

It's really swell that you enjoyed The Mummy Returns movie and game. But it seems your affection for the strapping young Rick O'Connell has occluded your judgement a bit. No worries - such is the case when you've been kicked in the butt by love.

Unfortunately, it seems you've also been kicked in the head. The Mummy Returns sucks bad.

- GR

From: "Carma Geddon" (***@yahoo.com)

Subject: counter-strike
Hello there, to all gamerevolution team
i got a question, what is the thing that you have with
the Counter-Strike game? I mean what can you see new
about that game that is 2 years...3 years old by now,
with a bad compatibility of openGL drivers because
they run slow, a 16bit color game that looks like
dirty and has 24000 servers where not one of them
works fast enough to see your opponents move smooth
like in Wolfenstein or Quake 3 or Unreal Tournament?
because you have to mention that game every new review
you do of a FPS game, its already gets on the nerves
to some people to see that kind of obcession about
counter strike. It would be ok if it would be a GOOD
game like quake or something, or maybe any other game
that is NOT 3 YEARS OLD
Max Carnage

Hi Carma,

You gotta be kidding, right? But on the off chance that you're serious, we'll oblige you.

For one, CS is extremely challenging, obscenely enjoyable and it has more life in it than just about any first-person shooter we've played so far. The ballistics are outstanding and you use real world weapons, not a bunch of over-the-top energy-based munitions.

Unlike the map running of Unreal or Quake, which often involves just running from weapon spawn to health spawn and back again and perfecting the pattern, CS is all about strategy and teamwork.

We don't know when you last saw CS, but it has been tweaked with relatively fresher graphics, a ton of new maps and voice communication. Now you can call someone a "wallhacker" in realtime audio instead of having to type.

And we can't forget the impending arrival of the highly anticipated Condition Zero that brings new weapons, new skins, a new class and a burly single player component.

If you know GR, you know we're tough on games. So for a title to hold our interest captive for over a year says that the game is doing something incredibly right.

Right?

-GR

P.S. "It would be ok if it would be a GOOD game like quake or something, or maybe any other game that is NOT 3 YEARS OLD." Dear child, Quake was released in 1996. Heck, Quake III was released back in 1999. You lose.

From: "???" (***@onebox.com)
Subject: Sup Revolutionaries
I was wondering if you guys are programers, particularly 
in C or C++.  If so, can you help me on my adventure to 
find a certain source code. If you ever used certain dos 
programs, you can add extention's onto the command. 
Ex. C:>ping -x I was wondering how to add that ability 
of the -x command. Do you know how to do it, or do you 
know what it is  called when you do it. If so, please 
send me info to complete my adventure.
Rock on with the site, Ghetto Dude

Dear Mystery Writer,

Sure, we're programmers! Once you figure out the difference between "Video out"and "Video in," programming your VCR is a snap.

But wasn't C++ C:/>ping -X one of George Lucas' early movies?

- GR

From: Dee (***@woh.rr.com)
Subject: Thank you

Pam, Thank you for the blanket the family all love it.
It was nice snooping at Khols with you. good cookies 
the kids are hopeing for ice tomorrow. we will see.
But thanks for the lovely jean blanket . I love it. 
Dee

Thanks Dee,

I knew the blanket would go over well! When you pay top dollar for jean, you expect the very best. Glad you liked it! Yay!

So anyways, Bill was being such a meanie-pants at Khols that I thought I was going to strangle the bastard. I mean how long was he bitching about the price for? Like 3 days? What a jerk. I don't know why I married that idiot in the first place.

Speaking of marriage, can you believe that Victor is marrying that cow Margaret? What a whore! I've seen more subtle makeup on a clown! Barf city!

So yeah, hope the kids win the soccer game tomorrow. I hear there's a little boy on the other team who likes to wear his sister's clothes. Have you ever heard of anything so gross? What a weirdo. His parents must be communist lesbians.

So anyhow, yeah, hope for some ice tomorrow too. We'll take the kids sledding, maybe? I mean, anything to get out of the house these days, am I right or am I right? You know? God I need a drink.

Toodles,

Pam.. uh.. er... GR

From: "Rage Guy" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Windows difficulties
Hello again
I've emailed you guys before about counter-strike, but 
this is an entirely different matter. Windows 98 is 
constantly freezing in desktop or when im using internet 
explorer or netscape. A few weeks ago we had a similiar 
problem, except that the computer would freeze only in 
games, the only way to avoid it freezing was to reboot 
the computer before you played the game, then it would 
run fine. We called the company we bought the computer 
from and they decided that the hard-drive was screwed, 
so they took it in and replaced it. But when we got it 
back we found that the computer doesnt freeze up in games 
anymore, just in desktop or internet explorer or netscape. 
We called the company again and they told us that all 
those demos i had downloaded were causing the problem, 
so I took them off. Then they told us that if our system's 
resources were below 60% the computer would freeze, it 
turns out that our systems resources were below that, so 
we ran msconfig, and turned off a lot of that crap that 
starts up when the computer boots up. We got system's 
rescources up to 93%, but it still freezes. I really need 
some help here, we called the company again but they said 
that it had to be a software problem, which would cost a 
lot to fix. I've ran scan-disk, and its found no problem. 
I have an 800mhz prentium 3, with 128 mb of ram, with a 
tnt 2 video card. I don't know what to do, your input 
would be of great help. 
Thx for reading.

To the Rage Guy,

Confounded kom-poo-tar! When I press the shiny button, youse do the thing. Good! Now I don't want anymore lip outta youse.

Sadly, this is never the chain of events when troubleshooting your PC. Rage, in your particular case we suggest a few different solutions.

1. Start the computer in safe mode (press F8 as it's booting up). Once in Safe Mode, open up a few folders and check the device manager to make sure everything appears to be working properly. Often, a driver conflict will lead to system stalls.

2. Try running an anti-virus program. There are quite a few that offer free trials. (ex: Norton, McAfee & PC-cillin).

3. If there's still an issue, try Disk Defragmentation. It's found in programs/accesories/systemtools.

4. Make sure your video and sound drivers are updated. Check out the company websites who make your sound/video cards and download the latest patches.

5. If the problem persists, then try reinstalling Windows '98.

From the sounds of things, we think the problem might have to do with conflicts between drivers and your TNT 2 card. Older video cards tend to require updates.

- GR