GR Mailbag: GR Reads Your Mail?

From: "Joe Weber" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Cleo's a fruad.....
Wait............why IS Ben cheating on his girlfriend? You cheating 
bastard, burn in hell you......poopy head!

No no, Brian is cheating on his girlfriend, not Ben, you, uh, peepee head.

In truth, Ben's girlfriend cheated on him with Solid Snake. Women always fall for a guy in uniform.

Hmmm...guess Ben's old McDonald's outfit doesn't count.

-GR

From: "Dark Elf" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: HAVE YOU EVEN TRIED IT?
Hello. I was reading through some of the old mail and 
wondered, have you morons even played pokemon before? 
No, I'm serious. Yeah sure, the cards are sh*t and who 
the f*ck wrote that crappy cartoon show? But the actual 
video game is a serious RPG inside a cute cover. 
Imagine the little Pokemon as fighters, then basically 
you are the boss of 6 fighters and are going around the 
world trying to become the stronger fighter in he world. 
Hell, you are almost trying to take it over. Now why the 
f*ck would anyone consider that cute and cuddly? WHAT 
THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Also, my friend Alex Dadzis 
won't buy any game that didn't get a good grade from you, 
hes a f*cking moron so I figure you guys can't get be to 
smart either. Hope you enjoyed my logic.
Hatefully,
The man who will cut your stomach open, suck your 
intestines dry and then hang you with them. 
(Your large intestines of coarse)

Wow. Guess you elves are more easily amused than the rest of us. After spending the better part of each day crammed in a tiny tree baking cookies for us humans - who just make fun of your pointy ears and curly shoes - well, anything would be fun.

Why would anyone consider Pokemon cute and cuddly?

Simple. Jigglypuff.

-GR

P.S. Boy, you're certainly filled with violence. You must be related to Ricky Ho...

From: "Cris Pina-Gautier" (***@tampabay.rr.com)
Subject: Employed?
Hello,
Out of curiousity, I just had a couple of questions 
about this web site. First, I was wondering how all 
of you came to work at this prestigious site?
Secondly, do you guys have an office or do you all 
work seperately? And finally, how did you get into 
this field of work? If you could provide me with 
some answers, I'd greatly appriciate it.

Our history is well-chronicled, though to save space, here's the Cliff Notes...

In the early 90's, each GR editor was snatched from his respective home and sold into a life of servitude. We were subjected to the most heinous of all injustices - we were forced to say good things about bad games.

Day after day, year after year, we were constanly ordered by our ruthless overlords - deemed "ad sales guys" - to reward crappy games with great grades simply because "they bought a lot of space this month."

At last, one among us could endure the atrocities no longer. Duke "William Wallace" Ferris rose up against our oppressors to lead a starving, malnourished brigade of disheveled editors to a bloody victory, and on to freedom.

In honor of the gaming revolt, Duke and the surviving editors formed the now indomitable Game Revolution. However, we're constantly in danger of being discovered and captured by our old masters. Hence, we all work from the same location in a bunker 100 feet underground, bringing new meaning to the term "pasty geeks."

-GR

From: "vidal" (***@cia-g.com)
Subject: Playstation 3
Try to get info on the playstation 3. it is supposed to 
come out april 2002 and be incredible. it can play ps2, 
dc, x box, game cube and more! 
e-mail me back when you get info! thanx!.

Want hot new info on the Playstation 3? Then look no further! GR has the inside track on this upcoming new system.

According to our reports, the Playstation 3 can not only play PSX, PS2, GameCube, DC and Xbox games, but it can also play DVD's, VHS tapes, 8-track and 16 mm film. Plus, it can be used as a floating device in case of a water landing. Additionally, it can cook an entire chicken in three minutes. Also, it can be worn as a dress. And thanks to its revolutionary non-stick surface, cleaning is a snap!

Rumor has it that the ultra-super-special secret Playstation 4 even comes with a ham radio and a built-in rifle to thwart would-be thieves. Check back for details!

-GR

From: Cecil L.Wagner (***@seaside.net)
Subject: game controllers
I just purchased two game controllers for my PS1 The model number 
is N1158 this is the same number as the controllers I originally
had. My new controllers will not work in my machine I checked 
out the plug ends on the new controllers and they only have 8 
pins my old controllers have 9 is this my problem and if so is
this a defect from the manufacturer. Also when my original 
controllers failed I lost the ability to save games. Did my 
damaged controllers cause a problem in the playstation. And 
if so is there a repair part I can purchase to repair this problem. 
At the moment I have a friends controllers with nine pins that do 
work in my PS1 but my ability to save games is gone it says I do 
not have a memory card inserted when in reality I do. Any help in 
this would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely
Cecil L.Wagner
Lake Cowichan British Columbia
Canada

Sadly, we're very familiar with this problem. It sounds like your controller port is out, on the fritz, dead, ka-put, and also, broken.

Both memory card ports and both controller ports are connected by one rectagular piece of hardware. This piece connects to the mainboard of your PSX system via one single connector.

To fix even one memory card port requires you to replace the entire piece. Luckily, it's a very simple matter, virtually plug and play. You just need to obtain the replacement piece, which can be kind of tricky.

A good place for PSX repairs and parts is NCS (National Console Support). Good luck.

-GR