Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
because i am a scrubber and i can not afford a playstaion 1
never mind the playstation 2 i was wondering if you would give
me the playstation 2 pleeeeeeeeeeeeease.
p.s their is another reason to give me one because i have lost
my legs and i am a retard and i am over weight by about 10
stone i am only 15. my name is andy cooper and i live at
70 coalway rd
The lack of a sufficient
number of Playstation2s being available on the 26th, coupled with the
pre-ordering madness (which was ill-advised by Sony) on the part of
big name retailers like Funco, Babbages and Electronic Boutique, is
threating to start a new fashion trend.
You, my friend, are just
one of millions who will be sporting the new, stylish Sony Frown
of Disgust. It's showing up in stores everywhere! This
is not to be confused with SegaNet's Frown of Extreme Contempt.
Make sure your shoes don't
clash with the new attire.
P.S. What the hell is a scrubber?
Any relation to Mr. Clean?
Jesus Checks, But Who's Skating?
From: Steven Stauffer (???@hotmail.com)
Subject: Take heed or next time I write you an essay
defending my opinion. I am a Christian and a Canadian,
causing me to be frequently offended by your scathing smart
remarks. So in my defence I say this: Canada Rocks. God
also Rocks. Phew, a load off my chest.
P.S I am never offended by well written review panning
offensie, poorly made games with titles I can't remember
off the top of my head.
P.P.S Jesus loves you all the same, and so do I. Though
when I say love, I mean the of of a man fo a fine cuban
cigar.(in refernece to me, not Jesus)
Canada rocks...God rocks...come
to think of it, we've been hard at work on our first musical here at
Game Revolution. It's called "Jebus Christ, Hockey Star."
It's aboot how Jebus beat
the Romans by scoring a hat trick.
Where Are They Now
From: "HoCkEyMuNkEE" (???@aol.com)
Hello game rev, I was sitting there in my room today
and being extremely bored i got out my old pile of junk box
think and ive got all kinds of stuff in there from old atari
2600 stuff to genisis stuff adn i came across a magazine
add that had been ripped out and it mentioned about an old
machine called the jaguar and i suddenly rememberd this
system i think it was just about pre-psx time adn i remember
commercials for it but whatever happened to this thing? I
remember all this hype about it then 2 weeks later people
were like jaguar? what are you smoking? so i was just
wondering what the hell happened to this damn system thanx
for any help.
What do you mean "What
happened to this system?" You know what happened. You
don't need a bloodhound to tell you when something stinks.
Atari's system may have technically
been the first to break the 64-bit barrier (a widely disputed claim
amongst super uber geeks who actually care about these things), but
the games just sucked.
Some of the top games for
the Jaguar? Try Tempest 2000, Ultra Vortek, Double
Dragon 5, and Worms. Not really system sellers, eh? Add to
that a big-ass keyboard for a control pad, then you do the math.
Ah hell, we'll do the math
Bad Games + Big Ass Controller
= Jaguar = Sucks.
Err...can someone double check that for us? We're bad at long addition.
27 Years Young
From: Terry T. (???@aol.com)
Subject: Just asking
I am a 27 year old store manager for a major retail outlet
in the United States. I am also married and have two beautiful
daughters. I have been playing games since I was a wee lad with
pong, and will continue to play them well into the future until
my fingers are decrepid from arthritis. I consider myself to be
a very responsible person who has a hobby of playing video games.
After a recent discussion whith one of my peers in the retail
I was told that video games are for kids and that people over the
age of 18 who played video games are losers. This person did not
Know of my hobby at this point. I play games because it allows me
to escape. It allows me to be an adventurer, or a pilot, or a
soldier, etc.. So if I am a loser then so be
it. Games rule.
Thanks for the ear,
Actually, you're too young
for video games. A recent study by the IDSA (Interactive Digital Software
Association) proves that the average age for a gamer is 28.
So relish your remaining
year. Don't grow up too fast.
Go to work tomorrow snot-nosed
with your hair disheveled and a yellow binder full of Pokemon cards.
Wear a different shoe
on each foot, and if
anyone asks for a bite of your Street Fighter Fruit Roll-Up, make sure
you lick the entire thing before offering them any. Trust
Hey, you're only young once.
P.S. Do you have cooties?
Punished For Our Sins
From: Charlene Grass (???@hotmail.com)
I know very little about computer games, but my son showed me
Johnny Liu's review of "Catechumen."
That is one funny piece of work.
The nuns who taught me would approve.
Glad you liked the review, but since publishing it we've noticed some
strange happenings in the GR office.
First this new executive
shows up calling himself Louis Cipher. Boy, is he a tyrant! You
should see the way he treats the thermostat. I swear that guy's cold-blooded,
because he's always got the heat cranked way up!
And what's with the beatings?
I always thought the term "whipping into shape" was just a
figure of speech.