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I Don't Want to, but I Have To...
By oblivion437
Posted on 10/20/14
Well, Gamergate has spilled over into the mainstream media and the coverage appears to be nearly uniformly dreadful. Take " What is Gamergate, and What Does It Say About Gender In Video Games? " by David Konnow as an example.  It appears that the writer has done little to no...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: GR Shines The Light

Posted on Monday, October 9 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Sega Reels In The Net
From: "Jordan Collum" (???@home.com)
Subject: im a little pissed
Hi, 
I'm kinda pissed off, because i just bought a 
dreamcouldntaffordaPS2 cast and one of the things that 
turned me onto it, was The modem. Now they dont fucking 
(excuse me) tell you that sega.net doesnt have any on-line 
play in canada. So I cant playany game on-line. Now i 
heard that sega is coming out with cable support
(yeah!!!????)for dreamneverbeasgoodasPS2castin november 
but what good is that gonna do me if they dont have 
godamn internet play?????? 
Because i already have cable hooked to my computer why 
would i wanna surf on dreamcheapskates,liars,
thievescast??????Now i was hoping you(could kill them)
tellme if this cable thing is true and if so will 
on-line play for dreamishouldasavedforPS2cast be 
available in (surprisingly not so cold)canada??? Now you 
think that they might wanna change the box so some 
sonofabitch more crazy than me doesnt walk in there
and blow the place to shit(please shawn!!!!!!). Not to 
mention I've only found about 12 good titles. Now you 
know SATURN DIEDbecause it was boring ( i.e. shity 
titles) Now my DREAMNIGHTMARECAST IS GONNA DIE A SLOW 
PAINFUL DEATH IF I DONT GET SOME SERVICE (not from you, 
you do a good job).So anyway if you could tell me if the 
cable thing is true and if on-line play will be available 
here in the land of igloos i would appreciete( oh who am 
i kidding i cant spell that) it very much
Thanks for letting me yabber 
Jordan Collum
Hey Jordan,

We hear your pain. Even our own Ben Silverman has been bruised by the unfeeling behemoth known only as Sega.

Hark, gamers! How many of our brethren, our ilk, must fall before we will stand for their treachery no longer? Think of the your families and friends and the pain they've endured.

Why sit back and take it? It's time we struck back!

Think of the maniacal, ear-piercing, devilish laughter echoing from the halls of Sega's mountain-top stronghold. It's time we struck back!

And mostly, think of all the unhappy gamer faces in Canada....uh...wait a minute...Canada?!

Oh well, never mind.

-GR

West Side Story
From: Sargent (???@aol.com)
Subject: um??
tight ok so um you work for gamerevolution cool someday i will to
Hey Sarge,

Someday you will too, eh? You know, GR is more like a gang than a company. To be an illustrious employee, you first must get "jumped in."

Unfamiliar with being jumped? Let us enlighten you.

First, the editors beat you over the head with their brilliant wit for a few hours. Note: 'brilliant wit' can be substituted with 'heavy iron rod' at the editor's whim.

Providing you are still conscious, you must then endure a little doozy we like to call, "Proper Ganda," a brainwashing, er, mind warping, uh...er....training video to help you better understand our message.

Done? Hardly. Next you are placed in the patented "GR Game Deprivation Chamber," or as laymen call it, the "bathroom." A few hours in game-deprived darkness can do funny things to a man. For instance, Duke Ferris was previously known as, "Margaret."

The final step in becoming a full-fledged GR employee is perhaps the most difficult of all. You must get us....

...a shrubbery!

-GR

'Iliterasee'
From: ??? (???@aol.com)
Subject: the war
The big war it soon begins
Son the war will start between the consoles who will win I 
want to win this is how i see it if you want alot of gams and 
good quality and some bad and internet out of the box get a 
dreamcast! If you want DvD player get a ps2 with a good number 
of sequils with a while to wait for internet and new quality 
titles! For a ugly looking consol with great games but only 
clasic titles get a gamecube! And for a system with no Knowen 
ability just lot's of power and a big price get a X-box! 
What do U think???
Hey Unknown Reader,

I think the system you should really be getting excited about is the Texas Instruments Speak & Spell. Call it a hunch.

-GR

Don't Make Us Laugh
From: Joe Weber (???95@aol.com)
Subject: Respect the Belgiums...good people.
I am from Belgium..why do you hate us so much? What have we done to
you? Besides, if you dare try to take us over, we will unleash our
allies. These guys are tough, cold-blooded, hartless, ruthless killers
who love the taste of game reviews blood. Who are they? Why, Canada of
course. 
Hi Joe,

Belgium and Canada, together? What are you gonna do, kill us with chocolate mousse?

-GR

Hot Codes! Get Your Steaming Hot Codes!
From: ??? (???@aol.com)
Subject: (no subject)
on gameboy who do you put the code in 
nlw1991@aol.com
Hey reader,

You don't put codes in people, silly rabbit! Not until they've been properly prepared, at least.

Put the codes in the oven for about 10 minutes, at which time they will need to be turned and covered in the sauce made from pecans, milk, roasted tomatoes, green onions, and garlic. Bake for another 20 minutes and voila! Unlimited lives.

-GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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