Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
Hey GR, today my friend bought an X-box and the game halo
(which is aboslutely freggin amazing!) and after while of
playing we got to talking about previous consoles and how
fast some of them died out like the jaguar system. and he
said o yeah i remeber that there was all this hype about
the SEGA Jaguar then it kinda just died out and i was like
dood Atari made that system not SEGA u dumb sh*t and we
batteld on about it for quite a while, well long story short
he bet me HIS X BOX that i was wrong and we wrote out and
signed a contract and everything and since were both loyal
visitors to your site we thought the only people who could
settle this were those crazy crackas down at GR. SO,
please respond to this email saying ATARI made the jaguar
not SEGA otherwise im out 300 bones and no X BOX. THANX!
Wow, an uninformed betting
friend is a good friend to have. You can tell your pal to pack that
Xbox up nice and tight for you.
It was definitely Atari who
made the Jaguar, hence its full name, the Atari Jaguar.
It came out in 1993 and was the first official 64-bit gaming machine.
Sega's main console systems have been the Sega Master System, the Genesis,
and the Dreamcast.
We feel sorry for your friend.
It must suck being completely insane. Oh well, maybe he can still come
by your house and play Halo.
Rough Job Market.
Whats method do u guys use to select people for a job at
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Looking to become a contesta...er...uh...employee
of GR? All you gotta do is sign-up for the Battle
Past employee selection processes
include best 2 out
of 3 on the original Pong machine, best diabolical scheme, best haircut,
and bobbing for zombie apples.
A Man's Love For Snake
From: "Matthew Shields"
Subject: Sorry, but I must write again!
Metal Gear Solid 2 is out!!! My life is now complete.
I will retreate to a hill top in my Alaska homeland,
and sit forever in complete and utter happiness. God
bless you dear sweet Game Revolution for guiding me
threw the Metal Gear Solid 2 waiting era, the time in
which we awaited the promised one's return. May a
flight of angels sing thee to thy rest...
That's the single the most
sickening mail we have ever recieved.
Enjoy your MGS2. It's
an incredible game. But please refrain from writing letters until your
Balls have dropped.
Equal Opportunity Boy-Band Abusers.
where are you torturing N'Sync? I must help you.
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Wherever we find them.
The Psychic Gaming Network
From: "Adrien Baumann"
the xbox is the joker and the gamecube is batman. "money
money money who do ya trust? me? i'm givin out free money.
and where is the batman?... He's at home!!! washin' his
tights!!!!!!!" the xbox is gonna rip people off. it's gona
turn out like the dreamcast.goin strong then BAM! crash and
burn!"winged bat who flies through the night and finds me
ready. bob mask. and know comes the time when i rid you the
little of the burden of your failed and useless lives. BUT!
as my plastic surgeon always said 'if ya gotta go,go with a
smile!" then the gamecube stops the ripoff people sell their
xboxes and see the light. gamecubes rock. microsoft doesn't
know what their doing. the don't know how to handle smaller
systems. where you don't have system requirements or mouses
and keyboards. that's where they'll screw up.gamecube will
prevail. sound like a good anylization? you make the call
for my prediction.good or bad.
See kids, this is why
you shouldn't do drugs.
You end up writing barely discernable gibberish that has as much factual
backing as miniature alien gnomes stealing your homework.
everyone keeps asking (some in more eloquent ways than others), here
we go again with the system wars. We've
been in this busness longer than most of you have had facial hair, and
we still don't know how this whole system war is gonna turn out.
Microsoft is brand spanking
new at all this console stuff. But that's exactly why we have no idea
how well they'll do. They've never done this before.
Just sit back and relax while
they all tussle it out. Let the dust fly and make your purchases based
on who's left standing when it all clears, not who you like or hate
based on ridiculous theories due to too many drugs.