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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437
I Don't Want to, but I Have To...
By oblivion437
Posted on 10/20/14
Well, Gamergate has spilled over into the mainstream media and the coverage appears to be nearly uniformly dreadful. Take " What is Gamergate, and What Does It Say About Gender In Video Games? " by David Konnow as an example.  It appears that the writer has done little to no...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted on Monday, November 19 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Always Bet On Black.
From: "Logan"
Subject: bet
Hey GR, today my friend bought an X-box and the game halo 
(which is aboslutely freggin amazing!) and after while of 
playing we got to talking about previous consoles and how 
fast some of them died out like the jaguar system. and he 
said o yeah i remeber that there was all this hype about 
the SEGA Jaguar then it kinda just died out and i was like 
dood Atari made that system not SEGA u dumb sh*t and we 
batteld on about it for quite a while, well long story short 
he bet me HIS X BOX that i was wrong and we wrote out and 
signed a contract and everything and since were both loyal 
visitors to your site we thought the only people who could 
settle this were those crazy crackas down at GR. SO, 
please respond to this email saying ATARI made the jaguar 
not SEGA otherwise im out 300 bones and no X BOX. THANX!

Hey Logan,

Wow, an uninformed betting friend is a good friend to have. You can tell your pal to pack that Xbox up nice and tight for you.

It was definitely Atari who made the Jaguar, hence its full name, the Atari Jaguar. It came out in 1993 and was the first official 64-bit gaming machine. Sega's main console systems have been the Sega Master System, the Genesis, and the Dreamcast.

We feel sorry for your friend. It must suck being completely insane. Oh well, maybe he can still come by your house and play Halo.

- GR

Rough Job Market.
From: "***@aol.com"
Subject: Games Whats method do u guys use to select people for a job at game revolution??? DanTheGamer

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Looking to become a contesta...er...uh...employee of GR? All you gotta do is sign-up for the Battle Royale.

Past employee selection processes include best 2 out of 3 on the original Pong machine, best diabolical scheme, best haircut, and bobbing for zombie apples.

- GR

A Man's Love For Snake
From: "Matthew Shields" 
Subject: Sorry, but I must write again!
Metal Gear Solid 2 is out!!! My life is now complete. 
I will retreate to a hill top in my Alaska homeland, 
and sit forever in complete and utter happiness. God 
bless you dear sweet Game Revolution for guiding me 
threw the Metal Gear Solid 2 waiting era, the time in 
which we awaited the promised one's return. May a 
flight of angels sing thee to thy rest...

Matthew,

That's the single the most sickening mail we have ever recieved.

Enjoy your MGS2. It's an incredible game. But please refrain from writing letters until your Super Monkey Balls have dropped.

- GR

Equal Opportunity Boy-Band Abusers.
From: "***@aol.com"
Subject:???
where are you torturing N'Sync? I must help you.

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Wherever we find them.

- GR

The Psychic Gaming Network
From: "Adrien Baumann" 
Subject: Joker.
the xbox is the joker and the gamecube is batman. "money 
money money who do ya trust? me? i'm givin out free money. 
and where is the batman?... He's at home!!! washin' his 
tights!!!!!!!" the xbox is gonna rip people off. it's gona 
turn out like the dreamcast.goin strong then BAM! crash and 
burn!"winged bat who flies through the night and finds me 
ready. bob mask. and know comes the time when i rid you the 
little of the burden of your failed and useless lives. BUT! 
as my plastic surgeon always said 'if ya gotta go,go with a 
smile!" then the gamecube stops the ripoff people sell their 
xboxes and see the light. gamecubes rock. microsoft doesn't 
know what their doing. the don't know how to handle smaller 
systems. where you don't have system requirements or mouses 
and keyboards. that's where they'll screw up.gamecube will 
prevail. sound like a good anylization? you make the call 
for my prediction.good or bad.

Hello Adrien,

See kids, this is why you shouldn't do drugs. You end up writing barely discernable gibberish that has as much factual backing as miniature alien gnomes stealing your homework.

But since everyone keeps asking (some in more eloquent ways than others), here we go again with the system wars. We've been in this busness longer than most of you have had facial hair, and we still don't know how this whole system war is gonna turn out.

Microsoft is brand spanking new at all this console stuff. But that's exactly why we have no idea how well they'll do. They've never done this before.

Just sit back and relax while they all tussle it out. Let the dust fly and make your purchases based on who's left standing when it all clears, not who you like or hate based on ridiculous theories due to too many drugs.

- GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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